Hello old friends and hi to the new ones on the board

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Dec 26, 2009.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I just wanted to pop in to give a brief update. It has been a very quite few months since the judge ordered difficult child back to county prison rather than to a treatment center in order to get him out of the judicial system the fastest way possible. I was just informed that difficult child is getting out the end of January rather than March due to "good time". He has been hinting very hard that he would like to come back here but I did not take the bait. He is now hoping to find a shelter and is just asking for a ride.

    This is so hard as I know that most of the shelters will be at capacity and difficult child might not get in. He says he is willing to go back to his counceling and wants to get into some program to help him socialize back into society. I will be calling MHMR next week and I hope they will work with him and me. The problem is that the last program councelor accused me of yelling at her when I did not. I am not sure if she did that so there would be a reason not to work with me in the future. I guess I will find out...

    Admittidly, I am sad and a bit overwhelmed when I try to think about difficult child's future. The old anger at the people who failed him and me over the years tries to push back up into my consciousness often. I do not allow it to take hold as it is useless to dwell in the past. The fear for the future, however, is harder to keep at bay. difficult child was turned down for Disability just before he went back to prison in April. I think that was partly the cause of his meltdown. When the prospects for a job were so very small and his debts so high he lost hope when disability benifits were denied.

    This time when he gets out he will be free of parole and have no probation so he will be able to move to another state if he desires. There is a rescue mission just over the state line about a half hour from me and I am thinking about that as a short term possibility.

    I just wanted you all to know that after the quiet of these last few months I may find myself in need of board support again. I apologise for the long break but I needed to live a 'normal' life for a while without the stress and the pain of our shared situations.

    I wish everyone a New Year filled with better things, much hope, and many miracles both big and small. -RM
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It's always good to see you, RM. How wonderful that you took the time to enjoy your reprieve.

    How many times has your son applied for disability? From what I understand, you can almost count on being turned down at least once. It might be worth it to look into an appeal when he gets out.

  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi Suz, I think he only applied this once. I do not think he finished the filing procedure the first time when he entered the second program. I know the first program didn't apply. So I believe it was only this last one that actually got his paperwork completed and filed. I am just hoping that the local MHMR is still willing to work with us. Sigh... -RM
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It's always good to know that one of us gets a break and a chance at a reasonably normal life. Good for you.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hi RM

    I have missed you! Like the others said I am so glad to see that you took some time to re-group, rest, and think. I am also glad that difficult child will be released soon with as good of a fresh slate as possibly given the judicial system.

    I am disappointed to hear that he does not have a place to stay - which is so indicative of our judicial system. Grrrr. And I totally understand your anger in the past. It is something I am also struggling with.

    I will be thinking positive thoughts, and that doors will open for difficult child. Have you already looked into half way houses for those getting out of prison? I know there are many.

    Hugs, and of we will be here for support - just holler;)
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you Fran. It was nice actually. I almost have my blood pressure under control and have begun a weight loss program a month ago with some success... Things I could not really work at in the midst of all that caous. I now feel so much stronger and so much less resigned to a life that revolves around difficult children. I am going to take the remainder of the holiday season to have fun and play with family and friends. I will get get into trying to find a place for difficult child.

    Steely, difficult child indicated he didn't want to live in the closest city. It is the one where he landed after the placement in Georgia failed. difficult child doesn't think the city it is a healthy place for him and I tend to agree. Unfortunately, most of the halfway houses are located in the worst parts of that city.

    difficult child mentioned looking into AA houses here in our hometown and is willing to stay at a shelter until a bed opens up in one of those. That is why I am thinking about the rescue mission just over the state line. It deals with recovering addicts and transitions them to jobs and other housing. The minister who runs it is a bit zealous and ridgidly tough but not abusive nor cultish.

    husband and I are also concidering trying to find a small studio apartment with a short term or no lease at all. Though we are not sure if we can afford to do thatfor more than a month so it is not ideal.

    Unfortunately our little bourough has been hit hard with unemployment and resources are streached thin trying to take care of all the jobless families and the homeless already in the system. With temperatures in the teens or lower now, living on the street is not an option. husband says that if we can't find housing for difficult child we may have to take him in due to it being the worst part of winter. That alone is incentive for me to work very hard at finding something... anything but here LOL.

    We did go to the Goodwill yesterday and bought him a nice bike to get around on for 20 dollars. We also rounded up his belongings from his friends and got his winter coat back so that is good... Much better than all the past times when his things were stolen and/or sold. -RM
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2009
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hoping that things turn out for the best when he is released. Maybe the tough minded priest who runs the shelter over the state line will help difficult child succeed where he has failed in the past.

    Sending hugs, and so happy to hear that you were able to have a somewhat normal life for a while. I hope this stretch of normal continues for your family.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi RM,

    I am so glad to hear that you are taking care of YOU first for a change! I'm proud of you girl. And you are on a weight loss plan? GLORY BE! That's fantastic!! You have your BiPolar (BP) under control too? This could be the start of a brand new you!! WAY TO GO. I'm sure your husband must be thrilled to see the change and peace in your eyes. It's not easy either.

    I've managed to loose 100 lbs, but took Dude back in after he was kicked out of foster care - so now I've gained 160 back. lol. (him not me silly). It feels good to get a grip on the health issues. He's working - So we're very grateful for that. We're in SC and being 3rd in the nation for unemployment just stinks trying to get any job - being a convict, with no education, no drivers license I'd say he's beating a lot of odds. I hope your son is able to do just as well. I'm sure if he's on his own something will come along for him.

    You should be proud of yourself - what you have accomplished without a difficult child isn't easy. You're a Wonderful Mom to be this brave. Keep up the good work and keep taking care of you! Love hearing posts like this one. I bet you will look marvelous by Summer.

    Take care! Keep us updated -when you can.
    Hugs & Love
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Susiestar, Thank you for your good wishes and encouragement. I am back home now after visiting with friends this past week so now will have to get down to business. I am going to try to call the minister at the mission and see if he is willing to give difficult child a try and if it is a good fit.

    Star, 100 lbs???? wow I am bowing down in awe!!!! I am not loosig weight fast I have to fight for every ounce but I am hoping to get back on track now that the holidays are over and the temptations to indulge are more infrequent. I didn't gain anything over the holidays but I didn't loose anything either. I need to step things up a bit since my doctor is going to try to monitor me every couple of months also. I don't like that but it will make me more accountable. Of course there are always the sabatours. I came home to a Huge package of Mrs Fields cookies on my porch courtesy of my sister in law who knows I am on Nutri System. What a meanie.... I am hoping that I can get them out of the house before husband and I eat them all. They are my (and husband's) biggest weakness. (I told husband to take them to work on Monday). Needless to say I don't consider this a nice gift and am not happy with sister in law. She sent them because I sent 2 dozen to her house for her teenaged boys and the rest of the family who were supposedto gather there for a holiday party. sister in law cancelled the party due to weather and she claims to have eaten many of the cookies herself. That was not my fault nor my intent. They were sent for my nephews and nieces not to tempt her to over indulge. by the way she is not overweight and does not have blood sugar/colesterol problems like me. I think she was horrible doing what she did. And sending them to arrive AFTER the holidays when I have no one visiting to offer them to well... :highvoltage:-RM
  10. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    RM, how great to hear from you and that you're doing better. We often forget to take care of ourselves, particularly when we're in the middle of gfgdom. I'm glad to hear you've had a bit of a reprieve.

    My difficult child is working at an auto facility "temporarily". He's been there almost 3 years, and is laid off now and then, but for the most part, is working. He's still not a permanent employee, but we are thankful he has a job. He also has a felony and a few misdemeanors on his record from when he was 17, so as time goes on, we can only hope that employers are willing to take a chance on him. It's now been over 8 years.

    I am sending good thoughts that things work out. Hopefully MHMR will work with him. I know they were very helpful back when my difficult child was in dire need of help. They were the only ones that would help.

    Sending mega hugs and hope your way,
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hope that he will find a safe place to be. Are there any chances at community college for him? M qualified for grants because of his time with the juvenile justice system. In college, there should be opportunities to find housing. I'm totally out of the loop because I have let M handle this all on his own, so maybe I'm pie in the sky on this.
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Deb, Thank you for your good thoughts. I think my difficult child would love to work in the car industry but I doubt that he could get hired. He was an adult when he was charged with a felony. No chance of it being expunged. I will make sure he goes to MHMR as soon as possible after his release. Hopefully they will help.

    Witz, difficult child might be able to handle a certificte program of some sort but that is something for the future he needs to be stabble and willing first. I doubt he is eligible for any grants but when/if the time comes he decides he wants to go to school we will look into that.