He's mauling me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wakeupcall, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Please, what could be going on with my difficult child NOW? :confused: He just goes from one thing to another it seems. First of all, he's 13 1/2, NOT five years old...he's mauling me to death. He incessantly hugs me HARD causing me to lose my footing. Kisses me HARD over and over and over. In the evenings when we're trying to watch television, he has to lay on me, or sit on me, or whatever. Then when we are ready to go to bed (to get him to sleep we have aways gone to bed when he does....9:00ish) he beats me to OUR bed and wants to cuddle. OMGosh, it's driving me nuts. He's almost a grown man!! Now for the last week, when we get up (we arise at 4:00 am so we have some quiet time without him), we find him sleeping on the sofa. A few days ago husband asked him why and he said his room was "loud". Go figure. I just don't know what to do with this child. The only difference in medications lately is we weaned him off Abilify because it was causing so much weight gain. He does seem more manic along with this clinging stuff. Help!
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    He may be hypersexual, which is a symptom of mania, and could surface when Abilify is weaned. And he may be more anxious or hearing voices -- hence, his room is "loud" -- which also could surface when Abilify is weaned. I think a call to the psychiatrist is in order.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking he may have been misdiagnosed. His lack of boundaries, young development, and seeking to touch could be sensory issues. Has he ever been evaluated for possible Aspergers syndrome? A LOT of kids on the Spectrum are age inappropriate for hugging and touching. There are some that don't like touch and others who just hang on their parents. I'm in a group of parents and autistic kids and I see that behavior all the time from some of the kids. He has a lot of symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)--perhaps it is time for a neuropsychologist evaluation. It is not "typical" behavior to want to cuddle with mom at 13. in my opinion only (just a mom's gut) I think more may be going on than has been diagnosed. He may be manic too, but I'm a big believer in revisiting evaluations and getting fresh opinions. I'm kind of a "better to be safe then sorry, Mom." This seems so developmentally inappropriate. in my opinion it's worth a neuropsychologist evaluation just to see what he thinks. Whatever you decide to do, Good luck!
  4. jal

    jal Member

    I would tend to agree with-MWM because I see a lot of what you describe in my difficult child. My son is only 6, but has always been a hugger. Hard hugs (bear hugs) and a hard kisser at times. Constantly seeking out sensory items and if you are down low on the ground doing something watch out because he'll come at you from behind and jump on you no matter how many times he's been warned. difficult child was just recently diagnosis'd with-Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - Aspergers.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I think I would say hypersexual. Maybe the Abilify did more than you think. Sometimes I know that when difficult child is doing well I start to question myself as to why do I have him on medications? Usually then things slip and I am reminded very quickly and firmly.

    Call psychiatrist. This is not ok for a child of that age.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I keep putting off a new evaluation. I suppose I keep thinking he's surely to outgrow SOME of these behaviors, rather than adding something new to the mix. What is the difference in therapy for AS versus what he's already diagnosis with? Are the medications different? Is the talk therapy different? Are school acommodations different?

    This continues to be exhausting. I wonder how my son will ever hold a job.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Untreated, disorders tend to worsen, not improve. Aspergers: Well, medications are NOT the first treatment for Aspergers--social skills, life skills, and sometimes Occupational Therapist (OT) and PT are. Talk therapy isn't always very helpful either. Developmentally these kids may be really smart, but extremely inappropriate socially--totally clueless--and they literally need to be text book taught how to behave appropriately because they don't catch on just by watching other people. My son got LOTS of help in Social Skills/Life skills. There is no similarity in the treatment. medications are used on 50% of Aspergers kids, but just to help curb the more bizarre behaviors, not to actually change them. Interventions are mandatory for these kids to grow up and understand how the world works. I have bipolar and my son is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). They are nowhere near the same things. Putting off a neuropsychologist evaluation is in my opinion dangerous for the child. The younger he is in getting proper interventions, the better the prognosis. The older he is, the more he will resist getting help. I have a friend with a 30 year old Aspie who had an ADHD/BiPolar (BP) diagnosis for 20 years. Now he is clearly an Aspie and diagnosed and off medications, but he is unwilling to get help: "I've had enough." He is really struggling. With an IQ of 160 and a college degree, he still can't hold a job (he is so inappropriate in the workplace) and his marriage is on the rocks. He is very needy. Please don't delay. It can't hurt to get another opinion. (((Hugs)))
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm agreeing with smallworld and crazy in regards to the hypersexuality. I think a call to the psychiatrist to fully explain what you told us is in order. As soon as possible.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This sounds much more like hypersexuality than Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) not getting personal boundaries. Esp the getting into your bed part - he is really to old for that to be "typical". I also think you should call the psychiatrist asap and fully explain what you told us, or maybe print out the post you wrote and fax that to him.

    I am sorry. ANY disorder gets worse rather than better as a child grows up, if for no other reason than the dysfunctional behavior becomes "normal" or a habit for the child. and most of our kids HATE change.

    I am sorry.
  10. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I think, if nothing else, he should be taught some basic boundaries with you at his age. Irregardless of if it's a Spectrum thing or hypersexuality, he should be learning this type of behavior isn't age appropriate. Does he do it with anyone else other than you?

    Yeah, an evaluation is probably a good idea. Sounds concerning. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, I hope you can find some answers.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm not so sure I agree. You have to remember that these kids are emotionally way behind.
    Does he hug your husband that way, too?
    My difficult child has always hugged very hard. We used to have hugging contests to see who could hug the hardest and get worn out first. Mostly, he got the hugging because it was way too strong for me!
    He still likes to cuddle, but not so often any more. It used to be every night. Then 4X a wk. Now once a wk.
    The "grown man" part of it has to be set aside for the moment, at least with-my difficult child. He's a child in his mind. No doubt about it.
    Definitely, there's a hyper component to your son. These kids can drive you crazy!!!
    I agree, you need to set boundaries. "I really like to hug you but I've got a pot of boiling water here that could really hurt someone.:) (Actually, that's what I tell my husband!! :) )
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2009
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Unless this is something continuous, my vote is hypersexuality. The profs remind me sometimes that one major key in distinguishing BiPolar (BP) from symptoms of other things is the intermittent nature of that particular symptom.
  13. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I've been reading all your responses with much interest. husband and I visited this morning over the coming and going of symptoms over the years. His psychiatrist, who does medications only, has his diagnosis as intermittent explosive disorder. He's no longer intermittently explosive. That's moved on in the last year. I've always resisted the diagnosis of Bipolar, not that anyone gave him that diagnosis, because he doesn't seem to have the "extremes" that I would ordinarily expect with Bipolar Disorder. But then again, I've never known anyone with Bipolar Disorder. In my book, he's only had one episode that I would have definitely called a rage and that was 1-1 1/2 years ago. I sat in disbelief as he fumed and spewed for way over two hours. It's not happened since. He IS argumentative, always has been, so I can't even lay that on teen-dom.

    All this mauling has started since I started the weaning of Abilify (he's off it now), but he wasn't doing it before Abilify either. His Lithium level is therapeutic (just had bloodwork done). He's doing very well in school in his social development class (6 students) that he's in all day except for gym, band and lunch. He had one friend, who is now a semi-friend. I think the other boy is embarrassed that difficult child is in the SD class and doesn't want to associate with him at school much. He has no other friends. He doesn't seem particularly depressed (didn't we all act that way a little when we were growing up?). But lately I would say he's definitely more manic, particularly in the evenings. TerryJ2 hit the nail on the head.....difficult child is waaaaay immature. My grandson is almost ten and doesn't begin to still do the childish thinks that difficult child does at 13 1/2. My grown daughter seems to think that he's still a little boy in a body that is changing and he doesn't know what to do with it. I'm safe.

    Thanks so much for helping me sort this out. As soon as I get off this site for a bit, I'm going to look up a neuropsychologist in our area.
  14. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    A LOT of kids on the Spectrum are age inappropriate for hugging and touching. There are some that don't like touch and others who just hang on their parents.

    Is this also a sign for someone who isn't like that with their parents/guardians, but with strangers? My niece has socially inappropriate tendencies with people she barely knows. She had just met my Dad (her grandfather) for the first time and he had not even been in my house for two hours and she was practically in his lap, picking his fingernails, and twisting his ring on his finger. The first time she had ever met my girlfriend, she was standing by her and trying to twirl her hair! Second time ever she saw my girlfriend's fiance, she was trying to braid his hair (it was long). I have to constantly tell her that she needs to keep her distance. She rarely talks to us, but she is a motor mouth with strangers, so much that is scares me. Is this a possible sign of Aspergers? She also used to walk on her tippy toes when she was young. She runs funny as well. She was a preemie, didn't walk until a year and a half, and didn't really "talk" until she was approximately 3. She said her first word after the age of 2, but the only two word "sentences" she said at the age of 3 was bye bye with prompting, and when she saw a piece of candy, she would say, "I want that." We are having her tested for Fetal Alcohol Effects through the state, and WHATEVER else through her Psychologist.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like it to me, Alttlgabby. Why don't you start a thread of your own, just cut and paste what you have here, and hit "new thread" and you'll get more replies.
    Nice to meet you!
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm glad about the neuropsychologist. Regardless of what WE think ("we" meaning all of our opinions) we aren't neuropsychs and our guesses aren't even as good as theirs...lol. Your son has been on a ton of medications. Have they helped? I think a new evaluation is a good idea. He *could* be misdiagnosed or somebody could have missed a co-morbid problem. It never hurts to get a second opinion. in my opinion just switching medications is not as good an idea as having the testing done. It sounds spectrumish to me and sounds hypersexual to others...so best to turn it over to a neuropsychologist who can get hands-on with your son and test him on every level for every disorder. in my humble opinion they do the best diagnosing of all professionals. Take care!
    To Gabby: in my opinion your niece should see a neuropsychologist too. She sounds spectrumish as well, but a neuropsychologist would be a better judge than any of us. However, if she was exposed to substances in utero that throws a kink into it--my son was also adopted out of foster care. I wouldn't trust the state evaluators--I'd go private. We had zero luck with anyone from the state. JMO. Welcome ;)
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2009
  17. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    Thank you Terry! Nice to me you too. If I don't get to it tonight, I will get to it in the next couple of days. I have surgery on Tuesday and will be in the hospital overnight until Weds sometime, so have to see just how well I feel to post.
  18. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    To Gabby: in my opinion your niece should see a neuropsychologist too. She sounds spectrumish as well, but a neuropsychologist would be a better judge than any of us. However, if she was exposed to substances in utero that throws a kink into it--my son was also adopted out of foster care. I wouldn't trust the state evaluators--I'd go private. We had zero luck with anyone from the state. JMO. Welcome ;)

    Thanks MidWestMom. Right now, she is under foster care still so I am having to go through the state at the moment because our worker told us that Medicaid would not pay for testing for Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). They will however pay for the testing with the psychiatric. I will be talking to him next week when she goes for her first two hour visit because I want her tested for everything under the sun that he can think of to cause a lot of her behaviors. Right after adoption, they will be under our military insurance so we can go to anyone that we want for the first 8 visits without a referral and they can do whatever testing will be necessary. We just found out two days ago that they are now totally free for adoption, so that ball should be rolling pretty quickly for us.
  19. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    Ok, I never even thought about this hypersexual or Spectrum disorder thing with my difficult child, but he does this very same thing to me. My difficult child has insisted on sleeping with me for over a year now (he's 10). My husband has always slept in a separate bed due to sleep disorders. My difficult child is always mauling me. Has to have his leg on me or has to lay on me etc. He's even touched me inappropriately a few times and it has freaked me out. I haven't told anyone (not even doctor or husband) about this because it's difficult to tell if he really knows what he's doing. Last night I talked to difficult child and told him it was now inappropriate at his age to be sleeping with his mom and that he needed to sleep in his own bed. He didn't get upset or anything, he just went to bed in his own room.

    I just started him on Abilify (weaned off of Zyprexa) a week ago but he has always been this way even without the Abilify.

    I'm definitely talking to the neuro psychiatric about this next appointment.
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    4Timmy, that leg over you thing is common with-Aspies, although it's more common that they like to have someone else's leg over them, for the weight.
    When I read about it in LOOK ME IN THE EYE, it really caught my attention, because my difficult child loves that weight. It sends him right to sleep.
    But since your difficult child has touched you inappropriately, that may be something else. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just ask these kids and get a straight answer????