My family was never guilty. They really thought it was me, not a family dynamic with a narc mom a very detached father.. I was ostracized and eventually disordered mom disinherited me. My sister would play me though...like I was a ping pong ball. She would get mad, and every time she got mad she called the POLICE on me, although I never broke the law or threatened her. Or broke the law at all ever. It was a control thing with her. Shut me up with cops. Sick really.
But I wanted my sister to love me so when she inevitably came back, no apology or anything, I would take her back in spite of my husband telling me he was sick of her and her cops. My youngest daughter, the very stable one, loathes her as she lived at home during many of those pointless cop visits...by the way the cops often looked apologetic.
So I let her come back whenever the urge struck her in spite of her gall and meanness and controlling me, but this taking her back was me showing my problems too. NO normal person puts up with anyone who calls the cops on her for no reason at least 20 times, even after we left the state. Yes, she called the cops even after we lived in a new state. Sick.
Recently I FINALLY decided no more cops and her being able to come back is history. We are forever done. I am too forgiving and have always had a very soft heart, but this time I forgive, but I am done for good. Her energy spooks me.
Forget validation. People like our families never believe they are wrong, never apologize, and invalidate our clear concise memories. So why look for it when they cant see themselves as maybe not such great people? They are right. We are wrong. It's a bunch of garbage we don't need.
I just accept it's their problem and forgive them as they don't have a clue, and cuddle up to my family of choice. I don't need them. I never did. I just thought I did.
I did love my dad. He passed last year. He used to say "it is what it is." He was so right.