Highly Sensitive People/Empath. Is this you?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It's definitely me. I feel too much...happiness, sadness, positivity, negativity, good moods of others, b ad moods of others, critism, praise, etc. I even can't stand loud music or noise or crowded places (for too long) and can smell things two rooms away. Only my autistic son has this strong sense of smell, at least that I have known. I cry for people who are the underdog, animals, sometimes even feel objects. I'm starting to believe tthat this has always been a huge problem for me. I have learned to force negativity away from me...because it affects me too much and it is better for me not to be around it....you?

    16 Habits Of Highly Sensitive People | HuffPost
     
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Yep. Me, too. I couldn't stand the pep rallies at the middle school; they gave me migraines. Luckily, many of the kids hated them, too, so I was excused more often than not.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I didnt like anything in the bleachers. I fe ya, pigless.
     
  4. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    Definitely, it was so strong when I was a child and young adult. I did try different unhealthy ways to tamp down my vibrations and the energy around me, but knew that was going to create more problems. Now I see it as a gift and just try to stay away from the emotional vampires.

    Do you find it helps or hurts or both in communicating with your kids?
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It has helped a lot with my kids.
     
  6. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    I just don’t want my hyperawareness to lead them to anxiety or some other issues.

    Sometimes, I just have to remind myself that even though I can tell something big is wrong, she may just not be ready to or want to discuss.

    Especially with two girls at 16 and 18 in this day in age, all my alarms are going off constantly. But I don’t want to be so over protective that they resent me....or not, and have something bad happen.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You sound caring and kind and I understand. I am very tuned in to my kids especially my girls and have to talk to myself a lot to remind myself that they are adults and will tell me what they want me to know. They will share when and if they are ready. Now my girls are 21 and 34 so it's different and they are on their own. And my 34 year old was a troubled drug using teen who would not talk or accept help at that age and I was distraught but there was nothing I could do while she was suffering. She shut us out. My youngest girl was/is fortunately easy and we'll balanced. The few times she was sad, such as when her heart was broken, I learned that it was best for her (not me but her) to let her talk when she wanted to share, not when I knew she was dying inside but didn't want to talk. As an empath or h s p (I am not certain where I fall but I have strong qualties of both and do pick up energy of others) it was so hard just to let her suffer. But I knew, from being close to her, that there were times she wanted to talk and times when.l she didn't. Like you, hard as it was, I did not want to helicopter parent her. It is a real challenge when you can feel their suffering but also know they need their own space.

    My girls are both doing well now and I still have to wait even when I know.

    I hope this helped, if only a little. Your sensitivity to your girls will make them love you all the more. You are a very nice man and I am so sorry I gave you grief at first. One of my less endearing traits is to jump to conclusions and I was very wrong.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018 at 4:19 PM
  8. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    Thank you. This is really helpful. It’s so hard to step back and watch someone struggling.

    I hope meeting with the therapist and giving her the chance to talk with someone outside family will give her some peace. And identify anything else that may be going on/need treatment.
     
  9. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    Random question; I noticed your posts about narcs, scapegoats, etc...

    Do you think these traumatic environments create empaths to a degree or that they are just more torturous for an empath to live through?

    I was the scapegoat in a narcissistic/ codependent fam. And I always question my perception. The classic, “I’m being to sensitive”
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Smitty, I feel in mycase my hypersensitivity to criticism, anxiety (very common in empaths) and my ability to know how my mother really felt about me as well as calling her out on all her stuff made me a sitting duck to be the scapegoat. She was almost ecstatic around my brother, golden child. He was easy going, smart, and made her feel good and she thrived with that. Also he was sick a new d needed her. My sister was the lost child for her childhood, ignored, and I do think Mother traumatized both of us girls. My sister has always had extreme problems with intimacy and an eating disorder and told me she is afraid of being alone. She calls herself an empath. I just don't see her being especially caring of anyone's feelings. She certainly does not cry for the disadvantaged in our world. I do. I can't even watch the news. It makes me feel too sad.

    I have been sort of diagnosed with complex PTSD because of my family. But that was not my regular therapist. Who knows? A diagnosis is a guess. Nothing more.

    I hope I didn't get too off track...hope this answered your question.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018 at 1:24 PM
  11. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    No it’s very helpful. We have nearly identical stories.

    problem why I got so sensitive during our initial interaction. Sorry about that. we empaths do not like to feel our integrity in being questioned lol.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I know. I am sorry again.

    EmpAths also feel very guilty!
     
  13. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    Oh yes! If only guilt and shame had monetary value. :)
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

  15. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    Did you detach if you don’t mind me asking?

    I have multiple times, but am somehow lured back every 5-6 years. Partly due to their guilt trips and partly my desire to get that approval/apology/validation that never came.
     
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My family was never guilty. They really thought it was me, not a family dynamic with a narc mom a very detached father.. I was ostracized and eventually disordered mom disinherited me. My sister would play me though...like I was a ping pong ball. She would get mad, and every time she got mad she called the POLICE on me, although I never broke the law or threatened her. Or broke the law at all ever. It was a control thing with her. Shut me up with cops. Sick really.

    But I wanted my sister to love me so when she inevitably came back, no apology or anything, I would take her back in spite of my husband telling me he was sick of her and her cops. My youngest daughter, the very stable one, loathes her as she lived at home during many of those pointless cop visits...by the way the cops often looked apologetic.

    So I let her come back whenever the urge struck her in spite of her gall and meanness and controlling me, but this taking her back was me showing my problems too. NO normal person puts up with anyone who calls the cops on her for no reason at least 20 times, even after we left the state. Yes, she called the cops even after we lived in a new state. Sick.

    Recently I FINALLY decided no more cops and her being able to come back is history. We are forever done. I am too forgiving and have always had a very soft heart, but this time I forgive, but I am done for good. Her energy spooks me.

    Forget validation. People like our families never believe they are wrong, never apologize, and invalidate our clear concise memories. So why look for it when they cant see themselves as maybe not such great people? They are right. We are wrong. It's a bunch of garbage we don't need.

    I just accept it's their problem and forgive them as they don't have a clue, and cuddle up to my family of choice. I don't need them. I never did. I just thought I did.

    I did love my dad. He passed last year. He used to say "it is what it is." He was so right.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018 at 2:48 PM
  17. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    That makes sense. I need to let go emotional and physically. Thanks for sharing. Glad you found some peace.
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm WAY older than you though. At 33 I was still groveling. Please don't let it go on for as long as it did for me. Find comfort in your family of choice. Even think of having your own holidays or go to the in laws if they are nice.

    The family scapegoat can never do anything right. Even the very good things I did because I have a really soft heart were twisted into negatives by crazed mother and nobody ever stuck up for me. It was bizarre. She was bizarre. This family nuttiness is common in families headed by narcicistic and borderline parents. And the other kids want love too so they side with the parent.

    Don't waste your time trying to get thier love. You can't. They MAY love you actually, but they need you as a bad guy in a sick family system. So they love to beat you up. Even if they love you....somewhere. They need a fall guy for the family to blame everything on.

    The scapegoat is usually the most aware child in the family. Obviously this freaks out the abusive head of the house. Listen to some Family Scapegoat videos on YouTube You will see yourself and your family in them. I think I've watched them all. They were empowering!
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018 at 3:25 PM
  19. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    This is dead on. The times I have done holidays away it was like I had committed treason.
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, drama is the rule...lol. Sorry.