His drug tests still give me a knot in my stomach


New Member
I just took difficult child to his doctors appointment this morning. This is the one who prescribes his suboxone. He missed his last weeks appointment, just forgot the date and had to call after to reschedule. He has been taking less suboxone, on his own, trying to ween himself down a little, so he had enough left over to carry him for the week. This must have made her suspiscious that he missed the appointment and still had enough medications, so she drug tested him.

As soon as I see him come out with the bottle and head towards the bathroom, my stomach gets in knots!!! It's like I'm just expecting my world to crash after I just posted his 8 month clean anniversary. She did the test in her office and it came back negative :whew:

Guess it will take a long time before I can stop flashing back to when his tests never came back negative. It was the longest 15 minutes. During those 15 minutes I was already trying to figure out where he would live if it was positive??

Does the feeling ever go away??


Well-Known Member
It's PTSD, Karen. I think all of us who have lived with addictions for a long period of time get those sudden panic reactions. Sadly I feel that way when a police car drives down
our residential street. Fortunately, it's not often but when it
happens I suddenly feel sick and envision the worst.

How wonderful that he is doing so well. I bet he didn't give it
a second thought..lol. DDD


New Member
He looked fine walking in to the bathroom, but then again, he is the type who would never admit to anything until the proof positive is in front of his face. I have seen him deny things down to the second, so him looking comfortable didn't give me much relief at the time. He did made a comment going in that he had just pee'd before we left his house, so I was getting nervous that he was going to try and get out of it and buy time.

Glad to see I was wrong. It's nice to be wrong in a situation like that.


New Member
By the way, I know what you mean about seeing a police car, or hearing sirens. I was that way when he still lived in the same town. Now that he's 1/2 hour away they don't bother me so much.


New Member
<span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #990000"> trust, once broken by whatever means (drugs/lying, etc.) is so much harder to regain. they never seem to understand that.

i'm glad he came up clean. is the doctor helping him wean off the suboxone? it's really important the he not do this on his own.

</span> </span> </span>


New Member
She knows now that he is trying to do it, but she didn't before. He is taking about half the amount he was originally prescribed. he was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle it and would need to go back up, but I told him he needed to tell her this and I'm sure she wouldn't have a problem putting it back up if he felt he needed it. That is what she is there for.


Well-Known Member
I know you are so relieved. It's so hard to believe they are clean after so many years of not being so....I don't know if or when I will ever trust my difficult child again. Like yours, he will lie past the point of evidence...


New Member
I hate the knot and sinking feeling. difficult child spent the night at a friend's house last night-had to be at work at 4:00. Said he would call me when he got up. Since about 1:00 I have had a sinking feeling since he had not called me-husband called at 3:05 and said he was home getting his shower and called at 4:00 and said he showered, had time to make his dinner to take and was out the door at 3:35 in plenty of time to be there by 4:00.

I am glad his screen came back negative and you can breath easier.

I wish it WAS easy for us to just go with the flow but once things have gone wrong and trouble rears its head, it is hard to forget.

Hugs and KUDOS to him for passing the screen and trying to wean himself.

saving grace

New Member
Ahhhh Karen, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am now waiting for the new test results to come back that he took on Friday after he was called in for the positive test. They use an outside lab so the results are not instant. I am still waiting.
Today is his 21st birthday, the whole day I had in the back of my mind that I shouldnt celebrate with him until I find out the results, I feel like he is going to fail it and then I am going to regret being nice to him today.

It never goes away



New Member

I don't know that the feeling ever goes away, it lessens some. I know from difficult child that she goes to her drug tests once a week as condition of her visitations, and although I am not there to witness it, she can still get high during the week and come up clean on the Monday morning drug test :hypnosis:
It already happened, that she relapsed and I have no proof for the court.
I think that your feelings are only natural. They put us in such a worrisome state that it's kind of a post traumatic reaction....Please don't let him have a positive test, cause that means all that bad stuff comes back.