I have a different sort of success story. It is because my two have been on this path for so long.
If I remained focused on their choices and consequences, I realized that I wouldn’t have much of a life myself.
So, the success I am writing of is disentangling myself from whatever my two are doing. It may not be the answer you are seeking, TBS, but it is the only one I have to give. It is not that I am so strong, just tired of waiting for an outcome that I have absolutely no control over. To my two, or others reading along, it may seem cold and uncaring. I do love them very much and hope the best for them. I realized after so much grief over their lifestyles, after countless times of trying to help them, that they need to want to help themselves. While I was deeply engaged in trying to provide solutions for them, they were helping themselves to my time, my hard earned money, sucking my emotional well being and my health. They weren’t really helping themselves, and I was miserable.
There was always a reason to stay as is, it was “my fault that they are the way they are. I don’t understand, don’t listen, etc., etc.” Nothing I would say was the right thing.
I stopped. I didn’t stop caring, I stepped off the hamster wheel of trying to help my adult children who didn’t want to help themselves.
I channeled my Mom and Dad, who would tell me as an adult, that I need to be self sufficient.
I won’t be around forever to pick up the pieces for my adult kids. Besides, when I did try to help, it wasn’t appreciated, they would try to blame me for everything, and acted disrespectful.
My spin on this is that we gave them the tools to live successful lives. When they want to live differently, they will choose differently.
I want to live the best rest of my life. I wish the same for all of my children. How I live as an adult is up to me, it is just the same for them.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy