How do parents deal with the pain?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tia, Jan 22, 2016.

  1. Tia

    Tia New Member

    My 17 daughter is in the hospital now under suicide watch. She has been dealing with addiction to marijuana and mental health issues which have not been diagnosed as yet. Last year she was charged with possession and was required to enter a program in order for the charges to be dropped. She completed the program but then continued to use marijuana. This past September she decided to stop using and had a very successful 3+ months and excelled in her courses away from her school environment which has been a trigger. I think she was very lonely and missing friends because she had isolated herself from them to stay away from drugs. Over the holidays things spiralled out of control she began using again and she was arrested twice in one night with a so called friend. Fearing for her safety and the safety of others we called the police. She became so angry towards the police that they handcuffed her and took her to the hospital. She refuses to see us but at least we know where she is and that she is safe. We are in the process of planning an intervention in hopes that we can save her.

    The pain of all this is unbearable, we need advice so we don't fall apart...please help!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I am very sorry for your pain and your daughter's poor choices.

    Are you certain she is only using regular pot? Not legal pot, which is more dangerous? Not anything else?

    My daughter used in high school, but quit shortly after. There is hope. Can you share more info?

    Hugs to you and lots and lots of good vibes.
  3. Tia

    Tia New Member

    We live in Canada, so right now marijuana has not been legalized in our province. We spoke to an interventionist and she believes it is more than just pot and gave us some examples of what she may be using such as spice. The only drug I've ever found is pot! She is presently in the hospital undergoing a mental assessment. My husband and I are so distraught and making so many emotional decisions and hoping that we are doing what is best for her. We are waiting to hear from the hospital so we can move forward with an intervention. We hope that she will accept this help but don't know what to do if she doesn't.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Again, I am so sorry you are hurting.

    Have you ever watched the show "Intervention?" If so, I think they have the right solution. Then you have to let go because your daughter isn't ready to get help. So you have to do your best NOT to try to help her because it doesn't work...kind of detach, which isn't easy, but IS helpful to all.

    Again, just my opinion. I hope she responds to your offer of help. I is very hard.
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Tia, so very sorry for your heartache and need to be here. Welcome to the forum. 17 is a hard age, so close to becoming a legal adult, but still so immature.
    You are doing the right thing. Your daughter is upset, but rest assured, it is the right thing. She is in the best environment to get help. If she remained at home, she probably would have just continued whatever she is experimenting with.

    Kids will claim "just pot" because it seems more acceptable. It is likely more than that.

    I was a wild child of the 70's I would have never told my parents the real story. Somehow, by the grace of God, I got tired of the partying and stopped around 18. Today's drugs are more addictive and dangerous. You have already intervened by calling the police. That was a good move. She is being assessed by the hospital, that may give you a clue of underlying issues, but if she has been using heavier stuff, drug use can mimic mental illnesses.
    Be aware, I went to a therapist at 16, I was able to fool her. If your daughter wants to continue using, she will. In which case, as Somewhere said, there is nothing you can do. It sounds harsh, but true.
    The article she mentioned is very good, it will help you to not go down the road of enabling. I went that route, desperately trying to rescue my two, since your daughters age, I think I just prolonged things for us and them. I wish I knew then what I know now, that "helping" is not helping.

    You are here, posting, and you will find a lot of ideas from folks who have been down a similar road, but are on different places on this journey. We share our stories and offer suggestions, it is your decision and there is no judgement here. We try to encourage one another. Keep posting, it really helps to vent and get different perspectives.

    The loving detachment article is good, a group program like al anon, books on addiction, all of these are good things to bolster your strength.

    As parents we need to do this, it is a difficult journey and we need to work hard at doing the best thing for our d cs, and us.

    The intervention will only work, if your daughter agrees. I hope that she does.

    If she doesn't agree to get help, then the best thing to do is the last thing we want to do, and that is, let go.

    No one can force an addict to be stop using.

    Prayers for her cooperation.

    Build yourselves up with information on how to parent these kids.

    One book that is highly recommended by a poster here is " Don't Let Your Kids Kill You."

    It is a difficult journey to be on, one thing I have learned is that I became way too wrapped up in the craziness of it. You are in a good place here, Tia others will come along and share their story or ideas with you.
    Stay with us, it helps and we care.
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Okay, sorry, how to deal with the pain. Cry, let it out, cry some more. Find a therapist to help you vent and understand the nature of this. Post here, a lot. Many of us have found posting to be a helpful way to get the pain OUT. Kind of hard to talk about this stuff at work.... family even get tired after awhile, this is my way of "talking" it out.
    Take very good care of yourself. Go for walks, meditate, breathe. If you have a higher power, pray. Do what ever you can, to build yourself up.
    Again, I am so sorry for the pain of this.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Has the hospital ordered a UA to confirm what is in her system? The others are right, kids say, it's just pot, but it is usually a cocktail of several drugs...

    So hard to go thru, don't let them rush you to make decisions and then send home too soon.

    Keep in touch. This can be your safety net. KSM
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  8. Tia

    Tia New Member

    Thank you for your support and advice. I have been trying to figure this out for a year on my own. Trying to keep her positive and clean and motivated with her school work and now it has fallen apart again.My husband is on board with me now so hopefully we can support one another with our decisions. We tried to visit her this evening and she once again refused to see us. The hospital is protecting her privacy so she must consent to everything before they release any information to us. We do not believe that she was screened for substance use.

    Her older sister called her today and she took the call and asked if she could go live with her at her university dorm when she is released. We had already warned her that this question would come up and that she cannot allow her sister to move in because it will impact her life in a negative way. She told her sister that she was angry and couldn't trust her because I invaded her privacy by looking at her face book account. I am guilty of this but only did it because I was worried, she had been gone for two nights which she had never taken off overnight and I was going out of my mind trying to find her because she was not answering her phone or texts from us. She had taken off at 4 a.m. after I had awaken to find her stoned in the basement rec room with a homemade bong. This is when I found out she was using again after being clean for over 3 months. Then she went on a spree where she was most likely getting high all day. She came home to warm, shower, eat, get clean clothes and she brought a male friend the first night who she told us had been kicked out by his mom. The next evening she snuck him in after the two of them had a night of getting high and getting in trouble with the police. When my husband found him in the laundry room at 4 a.m. hiding he was asked to leave in which case she said she was leaving to if he couldn't stay. She then put on her dads boots, grabbed the car keys, she does not drive, ran out the door and started the car. Luckily I jumped in the back and turned off the car and removed the keys. Her friend convinced her to come back inside and they ended up both falling asleep. We felt that she was endangering herself and others and called the police. She did not co-operate and they handcuffed her and took her to the hospital. So this is where we are now while she is safe in the hospital.

    We have so much going through our thoughts, so many scenarios for when she is released. The most perfect one is accepting the help of the interventionist. If she refuses what do we do? We have made the decision not to give her phone back because it enables her to make all her drug contacts but are worried about her safety. She has used all her available money in the bank the rest are locked in investments that she has earned by working and joint with me so she cannot cash them in. I am fearful now being at home if she is released and decides not to stay and we will install a security system to protect our home. I know that during this short time we enabled her by giving her money and allowing her to come and go, please keep in mind that this is all new behaviour over the last two weeks. We know from reading and talking to different groups that we contacted for help that we must not enable her. It is going to be so hard because we are so scared for her to be out in the freezing cold of winter with nothing. Is what we are planning a bad idea. I have not been able to sleep and am so stressed out. I will continue to read any available advice.

    Thank you for any advice.
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    First, Tia, you are not alone in any of this. I am so glad you found us. I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me. By posting you will find solutions. You will find a way to get through this. For your child and for you, and for your family.

    From what you tell us you are thinking about the situation correctly. Any money goes to drugs. Drug use is probably not confined to marijuana.

    I live in the states. I do not know Canadian law. Here 17 is still a minor. You would have access to her medical records and I believe in many states you would sign consent. Here parents would have leverage until 18. It sounds like it is not the same in Canada.

    This is what I have learned: I cannot allow disrespect to me or in my home. I cannot allow my son to flaunt my rules. If he does not accept them, he leaves ( he is legally an adult.) There is no negotiating. I have no control except over my home (if I take it) and over myself. If I had it to do over again I would have gotten tough sooner. It would have been better for me and for my child. Only your daughter can change herself. She will do so when she is ready. There is hope.
    All of the love you gave your daughter and the things you taught her are in there somewhere.

    You did absolutely the right thing, I think, by pushing she be hospitalized. While it would hurt me, I would not care one bit that she is mad. You have let her know you mean business. You have taken a firm stand for her mental health and her sobriety. You have sent the message you will not tolerate she mistreat herself or you and your family. She has to own what is going on, whether or not she wants to. There is the potential for help, now. She knows that she can no longer snow you.You have drawn a line in the stand. All of these things are good.

    Millions of young people have these kinds of issues. We just never believe it will be the babies we love now nearly grown.

    You are strong enough to get through this and to help your daughter as she mends herself. If you keep posting you will learn a new way to "help" which is very different than the typical way we think of it. It is called detachment. (It does not mean we love them any less.) If you have not done so yet, there is an article on this site about detachment. The member scentofcedar at the bottom of her posts has a link to an article by dr. Kathleen McCoy about how to talk to your child. Those will be a start.

    Almost all of us have been in your shoes, some version of it. I have only been posting since last April. I could never imagined the difference it has made for us. Keep posting. The more the better. If you can, try posting on as many threads as you can. It is a very powerful force for change and great support. I think you will learn a lot. I sure did.

    Please take care of yourself. None of this is your fault. Try to be kind to yourself. I am so glad you found us. I am sorry this is all so hard.

    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2016
  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Tia, don't be so hard on yourself. How could anyone know how to deal with this?
    With my eldest, she started acting out in middle school. Hanging out with the "wrong" crowd, smoking pot. I did not know the extent of it until much later.
    Looking back, I would have interceded more, but just did not know at the time what she was getting into. It is hard when our children slide down the slippery slope into addiction. My daughter was able to control herself to some degree and function, like yours, go to school and maintain some essence of normalcy. She really went off the rails at 18. I had to make her leave, as she was affecting our entire household. It was hard, but the right thing to do.
    I am not understanding why the hospital will not release information to you. That is frustrating and troubling. Like Copa said, in the States, 18 is legal age.
    This is true. She is in the hospital, so you have a bit of time to try and figure your next steps. A lot will depend on her willingness to get help. Let's hope she will, but also realize there is a great chance she will not.
    What I also do not understand is that the hospital has not tested her for substance abuse. At least you would have an idea of what you are dealing with. There is so much out there for kids to get involved with. While pot is bad enough, the rapid changes you write of suggest more. Here, in Hawaii, meth is epidemic, as is crack. The personality changes my two have gone through sound similar to your daughter. My brother lives in a small town in New Hampshire, there is a huge problem with heroin there.
    These drugs get a hold of our children and just turn them into different people. It is sad, and a very difficult thing to deal with. I am very sorry for your pain and heartache.
    The article on detachment we mentioned is very good.
    I read it often to help ground myself.
    Here is the article Copa mentioned from Cedar

    Yes, there is no doubt, it is hard to have a nearly adult child out in the cold.
    Unfortunately, if she does not want help, this is the alternative that SHE chooses. We cannot live at peace in our own homes, with an addict going off the rails. I am sorry, I know the word "addict" sounds harsh, the picture we get is someone down and out, on the streets. But, the sooner we understand about this, the better to deal with it. It is not that you were bad parents, or even that she is a bad person. It is a disease. The changes the brain goes through with these drugs, make the drugs #1 in our d cs lives. Anything and everything that stands in the way of using, is considered the enemy. This includes US.
    She has shown you through her actions, that she will not listen to you, or follow house rules. If she refuses help, what else can you do, but tell her you love her, and that she cannot live in your home with the lifestyle she is choosing? The longer our d cs stay in our homes, the more they take advantage, the less likely they get help. The longer they stay in the home, the more we suffer the consequences of their choices.
    No one can blame you for looking at her FB account to find out information. You are a concerned and worried mom.
    How long do you think she was using before this?
    Of course you are worried for her safety. I think it is a good decision not to give her the phone. She is not respecting her parents. Cell phones, paid for by parents are a privilege, not a right.
    Many of us have seen our d cs blow through money. It is good you have a joint account and the rest of her money is tied up in investments.
    I am not sure if you can keep her money from her, giving that she is afforded privacy rights with the hospital.

    This is a good idea. My two have broken into our home. They have stolen from us. I am missing some family heirlooms. We do not have much, but what we had that was irreplaceable, is gone. My eldest has brought her street friends over. This is frightening, one does not want these types of people lurking around the home.
    This is what happens, when we have d cs, out of control, living with us. I would go off to work, and come home to strangers in my house, my yard. My daughter did not think about our safety. She trusted her druggy friends. I do not.....
    No, it is not a bad idea. What most of us have found here, is that when our d cs live in our homes, they do not get better, they get worse. A lot will depend on your daughters choice to get help, or not. You do have a little time to prepare yourselves, if help is not her choice. Here in the States, there are shelters where d cs can go, to get warm, a meal. Many of our d cs end up "couch surfing."
    We think of the absolute worse case scenarios, as parents, when we are faced with this decision. What needs to be in the forefront of your minds, is that your home is your sanctuary, there are rules that must be followed. You matter, you have value.
    When we show our d cs, that disrespect is not tolerated, we are teaching them a very valuable lesson. This is true love. We love them enough, not to tolerate wrong action, in our homes. We love them enough to say no more. This will happen in my home no more. It is hard to grasp, but this ultimatum, is true love. We are not loving our children, or ourselves, by allowing them to tread all over us with disrespect. It is unacceptable.
    Many will tell you this, I wish I had acted sooner. Gotten tough, sooner. Our d cs have to learn from the choices they make. They have to deal with the consequences of their actions. If the choice is to drug and party, and they live at home, we are basically supporting that choice.
    Understanding this is key.
    Instead of looking at this as "How can I kick my daughter out?"
    Look at it as "I will not fund her choice to use."
    Keep saying that to yourself. Over and over.
    This is thinking with your head, and not letting your heart make the decisions. Our kids know just how to tug at our heartstrings.
    Your daughter is near adult age. You have parented her, and given her your best. All of your teachings are there. She knows you love her. She knows.
    She will blame you, throw down guilt cards, left and right.
    All of our d cs went this route. Blame, guilt. Do not fall for it. We are only human, we make mistakes. We have done our best for our kids.
    It is hard, when this is the path they choose. It is very painful. Take this one day, one step at a time.
    You are here with us now, and we will be here for you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
    This is all so difficult.. One of the things we have learned is that we focus so much on our d cs, we get so wrapped up in all of this, that we forget to care for ourselves.
    Take good care of yourself.
    Be very kind and patient to YOU. I am glad that your husband is on board with you now, so that you are not dealing with this by yourself.
    Most of us here, have been through very similar situations. You are not alone.
    I am sorry for the heartache of it.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    In Canada, once a child reaches the age of 12 (yes, twelve), they have the right to privacy and the "integrity of their own body", which includes the right to refuse medical treatment. We have run into this brick wall a number of times.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Who thought of this?????

    I mean, the brains of young men do not mature until 27 or 28. At best. 12!!!!??????
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Copa... I know how they got there. In trying to solve one problem, they create 100 more. But, you had 15yo rape victims being forced into abortions, for example - and at 15, you should have some control over your own body. There were probably a dozen other types of situations that were brought up as justification. But... it hurts more kids than it helps.

    And... they TEACH them all about these "rights" in school. So every doggone kid knows.
  14. Tia

    Tia New Member

    Thank you everyone for your support. I have spent a few hours today just reading different stories and they could all be my story. The article on detachment made me realize that this has been going on longer than I thought and I feel that I am to blame and have contributed to the way she is behaving by trying to control her teenage years. I am going to do my best to let go and allow her to be herself and make and learn from her mistakes instead of protecting her. I know it will not be easy.

    My husband and I stayed away from the hospital today. He did call to see how she was doing and mentioned to the nurse that we will give her the space she wants. The nurse agreed it was a good idea.

    We will offer the intervention. It will be up to her if and when she is ever ready to participate. I will not enable her with cash or other things. If she wants to be out on her own she will have to be on her own. I will let her know that I love her and when she is ready to help herself we will support her decision.

    She called her older sister today who is living away at university on campus and asked her if she could go live with her when she is released from the hospital. I had a discussion with older sister about enabling her and I know she understands but it will be difficult for her to say no. They have always been very close. I know that they have used pot together in the past but my older daughter does see now that her sister is having addiction issues and she did apologise to me for not respecting my no pot in the house rule. The Difficult Child asked her to bring her cigarettes to the hospital...which she told her that she could not do this. So the requests have now started!

    I was off work last week and have taken a few days off work next week because I have not been sleeping well and don't think I can handle the stress of dealing with work. I am afraid to leave the house for too long just in case...I don't really understand why? I feel terrified of something but cant put my finger on it?! It feels like I am two different people one who wants to be strong and one who is so sad and broken.

    I don't remember how I came across this site but am feeling so grateful. We have not told any family members what is happening at the moment. I mentioned to my mom who is my best friend, a while back the struggles we were having but it caused so much stress on my parents, they are in their 80s so I have decided not to share with them anymore information. Being able to vent and get advice from others who have gone through this has been very helpful. I feel blessed to have found you all.
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. This is life altering for us. Sometimes in good ways. Actually, usually in good ways. Be very, very tender with yourself. Nothing is too much, too great an indulgence. I believe you are making every decision correctly. as best you can. There is no "good decision" because everything about this feels horrible to us.

    I am glad your daughter has her sister, but I feel sad for your other daughter, because it will be hard for her to extricate herself if she needs to. She will have to learn.

    I too feel it was a miracle that I ended up here. I think I googled: homeless mentally ill son. Marijuana. Frantic and desperate mother. That pretty much sums it up.

    Take care. I hope you keep posting.

  16. Rosie67

    Rosie67 Member

    Tia, many of us have been exactly where you are. The swings from feeling like you are coping well to the other side that you don't think you can walk out the front door is something I felt myself. Time was my only healer and the help of reading other people stories on here. The thing that has really helped me is that I can't cure my daughter.....I didn't cause her to make the choices she did and I can't control her choices. I miss my daughter, the person she was before this drug dependent, liar appeared.
  17. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Tia,
    This is such a hard road we are all on. I am so sorry for the pain of it.
    It is difficult to see what is happening to our children, when they start to walk down this road, it is so up close and personal. It seems at first, like normal teenage rebellion, then the bottom drops out and things go haywire.
    It is then, that we have all stepped back and put two and two together.
    It is a nightmare, and I feel for anyone who goes through the intense pain of it.
    All we want for our children is to grow up and live meaningful lives.
    This does not mean there is no hope, there is always hope.
    What it does mean, is that we have to learn a whole new way to respond to the choices of our d cs.
    Please do not be hard on yourself and take the blame. Of course we try to "control" teenage years, we are supposed to put limits and boundaries on what our children can and cannot do. That is our job, as parents. You did the best job you could, under trying circumstances.
    So at 16, she was charged and entered a program, that must have been a tough time for your family. Then the 3 months she was successful, must have given you folks hope that maybe her troubles were over. To have her relapse over the holidays, another unimaginable rough time of it. Especially over the holidays, when everyone wants that Norman Rockwell holiday dinner.
    It is like being on an extreme emotional roller coaster ride that you didn't buy a ticket for, and can't get off of.
    This is what is so darn confusing and hard for anyone to figure out. Our kids start to spin out of control and it takes a toll on everyone.
    The resulting drama and chaos is so hard to deal with.
    It took awhile for all of us to see fully, what was going on with our kids and to even begin to know what to do about it.
    This is good, I hope she will choose to go along with the intervention. Maybe she will, and maybe she won't. None of us can force our d cs to do anything they are not ready for. We have to prepare ourselves for that. I am glad you have found us. This is tough enough to deal with. Keep sharing, there is no judgement here. Just advice and more sharing from kind folks who do care, because we know how it feels to be where you are at with your daughter in this situation.We have been through it ourselves. You are not alone. Each step you take, is up to you, this is your journey.
    This will be up to her sister. I hope she listens and realizes the importance of helping her sister, by not helping her. It probably will be difficult for her to say no, this is a learning curve for everyone involved. Most people don't fully understand detachment, and letting loved ones live the consequences of their choices. It takes time.
    When everything hits the fan, we are forced to see or d cs addiction. It is shocking. A total shock to our hearts and heads. It sent me reeling. It felt like I had lost my adult children, but they were still here on earth. It took time and work to get to feeling like I was standing on somewhat solid ground.
    It is like grieving, dear. There are many stages that I went through, feeling something terrible would happen to my two. I went from helping, to over helping, to being stolen from, taken advantage of, lied to. I was angry, sad, devastated, depressed, confused.
    This was the result of years of enabling, not even realizing that by "helping", I was contributing to the problem.
    I went to a therapist, to try and get my head on straight. She listened to my story, looked me in the eye and said "You are an enabler." Oh, man, I was not ready to hear that one. It eventually sunk in.
    This is not easy Tia. But, you can do it. It is good to get as much help as you can, posting here, reading, going to group meetings, fill your toolbox.
    Take each day as it comes, and take baby steps.
    Loving detachment has no perfect combo, or formula, it is up to you to set boundaries and limits that you are comfortable with.
    Some days will be better than others.
    Some days, not so good.
    You can do this, Tia, we will be here to help as best we can.
    Hugs and more hugs for your hurting heart.

  18. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    tia, I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Your story is so very similar to ours. To make a very long story short, my son uses weed to cope with depression. He believes it helps him and any attempt to stop him, he takes as a personal affront. If we intervene by taking his phone, taking his weed etc, he goes off the deep end and will break things, verbally assault us and ultimately says he wants to die. He does not see anything wrong with weed and can argue for days about how it is actually less damaging than the doctor prescribed drugs for depression. He goes up and down and we as his parents who love him so much go up and down with him. I know for certain that this is the only drug he uses. I know that there are worse drugs. However, while he is using weed he is not dealing with the underlying mental health issues. Our family has been through so much and it is a very very lonely place to be. I don't like to talk about our struggles with friends and because of that I feel so detached and foreign to everyone around me. Your description of feeling like you can't walk out the door is painfully familiar. Our son has been in a daily substance abuse program at our local hospital, 3 months away at wilderness therapy, and 3 months of court ordered substance abuse and anger management classes. None of these have gotten him to stop using. He is almost 17 and we are terrified for his future. There are days and weeks where he seems to be getting tired of weed. Where he says its so expensive and hard to live this way. Then he catches up in school and seems better. Then I get hopeful and begin to feel like things might be ok. Then something sets him off and he "binges" on weed. Getting up before school at 5 am to smoke, finding ways all day to sneak off and smoke. And then I begin another frantic search for a way to help him. A boarding school? Another treatment program? His grades fall and up and down we go. He does see a therapist every other week which he seems to like very much. That is after going through 6 others through the years. Our rules now are that no school while you are high, not allowed to drive anymore, and no smoking in our home. I try not to engage in arguments with him about weed. I just repeat, "you may not smoke in our home" Or you may not drive as I don't know if you are using, etc. He will poke and try to engage me in an argument about how I don't love him, don't care about him . Again, I just repeat our rules. I never know when things are going to blow up. Usually its when things calm down and I get hopeful and begin making plans. I think you are doing the right thing. Perhaps she will be ready for the help an intervention can provide. Hang in there. I find reading posts here help. I don't often chime in but just knowing I am not alone is helpful.
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  19. Tia

    Tia New Member

    I just received a phone call from a old neighbour who is a friend, said he was at the convenience store and that the owner mentioned that a couple of teenagers were in last week and had stolen from the store. They were caught on camera and of course my neighbour identified them as my daughter/dog and her friend. This is getting worse by the day...what else has she done. The store owner wants us to go by the store and discuss this with them?
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • List
  20. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    From my perspective, if it were me, I would tell the store owner to press charges.
    Then again, I have been dealing with my twos addiction for years now, since they were teens.
    So, it is actually retrospect.
    There are consequences for stealing.

    Ones first inclination, would be to try to protect our d cs from these consequences, charges,court, jail?
    This may or may not be a Godsend. How so?
    It gets her away from her drug friends and possibly into treatment?

    I don't know Tia.

    I would be scared, and mad, and sad. I would think about if this would be a record or not, the old me, would slide into catastrophic thinking and spinning and protect mode. It is all too crazy. I am sorry for your pain and the intensity of all of this. I know how it feels, it is beyond terrible.

    My hubs cousin was sharing a story about her son. He was addicted to meth. He ended up in jail, and is now sober, because he never wants to go to jail again.

    So deep breaths. Think and slow way down. Discuss this with your husband, see how he feels.

    There are many posts here where jail has been an answer. She may not even go to jail, but be charged? Who knows?

    One thing I do know, is that the more we protect our d cs from the consequences of their actions, the longer they keep doing the same old, same old.

    Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

    Take care, and take time to think things through.