husband is SO mad at me!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Nov 14, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I told him that I was seeing an acupuncturist for my pulled hamstring and my anxiety.

    He was highly offended and told me he would have treated me if he'd known I was going to go to someone else. And when did I come up with-this idea?
    Hmm ... let's see, way back when he had his other office mgr, about 10 yrs ago. And what was I supposed to do, threaten him with-going to a competitor? Seemed logical that every few wks/mo's I would just nicely ask him again if he would treat me.
    Now, conveniently, he tells me he didn't think it would work for my hamstring anyway. But there was no explicit conversation to that. It was just the basic, please and "no" response.

    I am working on a mural in the children's area of his ofc and have not finished it.
    He quipped, "How would you feel if I hired another artist to finish the mural you started but never got around to finishing?"
    I said, "Fine, if I told you that you'd go into shock and have dire health consequences if I worked on it any more."
    He wouldn't speak to me the rest of the evening or this a.m.

    It's all about ego and nothing to do with-health.
    I'll just let him go into his man-cave for awhile.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    He should have treated you because you needed it! Remind him that HE was the one who decided that HE would not treat you so like anyone else dealing with pain and frustration of a body not working properly when you came across one provider who said he wouldn't help, you went on to the next.
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Sorry your husband is acting like a total fool unable to see beyond his ego. I think letting him spend some time in his man-cave was a good idea. No point arguing when he is unable to truly listen. Hopefully the time alone did some good and he'll see the light soon! Hugs... SFR
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have said it before, and I will say it again. Testosterone kills brain cells.

    I hope he gets over it and if he doesn't, maybe it is time for YOU to have a royal fit and let him know in no uncertain terms that you won't accept this attitude, that all he has EVER said is 'no' and that it is ALWAYS unwise for a healthcare provider to have family members as patients.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I'd be dipped if I'd finish the mural......I think I'd "ALLOW" him to hire someone to finish it....and his male EGO. Then I'd fix a breakfast of toaster waffles and when the first two popped up I'd use my outdoor voice and say "LET GO OF MY EGO........oops dearie me.....I meant EGGO!" Then I would announce as I left those crusty cold, breakfast delights to harden ?????? I'd be walking out of the room on my way to somewhere......and I'd say....

    This is argument POINTLESS........but my accupuncturest? Is not.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Isn't there something about not treating family members...?
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    That's doctors. However, there is certainly something to be said for it.

    (Like the time my father, the paediatrician, proclaimed that I was "not sick" and to "get to school, NOW!", where I was promptly sent home by the school nurse with a fever of 105 and delirium. But that's another story, and I don't want to hijack Terry's thread)

    Terry, your H is being an old poop. I think you're right to leave him in his man-cave.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Terry, I think your signature is misleading.
    You only list one difficult child... and it really sounds like you are dealing with TWO.
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Well, adult, mature way to deal with it would probably be to let him sulk a bit and then talk with him calmly how you have decided that family member being your health care provider isn't working out and you have decided to use outside pro because of that. That is very, very reasonable decision and he will likely get that when he has calmed down a bit and get over some of his ego.

    Then again, I do like Star's solution to this much better... ;)
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While it may or may not be a written rule, it IS a generally accepted practice that you shouldn't treat family members because your judgement simply cannot be professional. Do the lines blur? Sure, people are people after all. BUT it IS part of the training in just about ANY healthcare training program that you are better off NOT having family members as patients because you cannot view them objectively.

    I DO like Star's waffles though!
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Star? waffles? Star doesn't waffle. Seriously. Where did you ever get THAT idea?

  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Let him cool off. I bet he feels as though he gave you his professional opinion when he ignored your requests and believes that you went "doctor shopping" for a second opinion. Which you did, but so what? I don't know that it's absolutely appropriate for a husband to treat a wife, but if he disagreed with you, you really shouldn't see him for treatment.

    He should be a bigger man about it. Maybe he'll be open to a conversation about it at some point in time, but he'll need to get over it.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Testosterone kills brain cells

    Rofl! Too true.

    Thank you all.

    Haven't talked to him all day. We're supposed to have a date night tonight but my stomach is in knots (has been for awhile) and I really don't want to go out. We'll see.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :sochildish::sochildish:
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Men? Wrong term, you do the real men a dis-service. Overgrown boys, maybe?
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, I went and made it worse. We were supposed to meet for an open house and I have had colon issues and diarrhea for about 2 wks. I went to the dr and got a scrip. Spent most of the day at home ... too embarrassed to go out.
    Called husband ... no answer. Called work. Called his cell.
    Went to the open house, missed him. He'd already left.
    He continued on to another event, finally called me back and I apologized but he was abrupt.
    He got home and we got into a huge fight. He couldn't care less whether I had to go to the dr, was still mad about everything else (turns out that when I broached the subject of seeing another acupuncturist, I brought it up on the heels of husband telling me I was too critical of difficult child, so it sounded like I was defensive and lobbing insults at him, which was not my intent ... it's just that we never have time to talk). We really got into it Wed night and I used the f-word, which I have only done 3X before in my life. husband got up and left the table and is barely on speaking terms.
    I tried to apologize last night about being late/missing phonecalls at the open house and he said, "It's not about that. I do believe that you had a stomach ache. But no one talks to me like that." (The f-word.)
    So that's the most I've gotten out of him in 2 days. Oh, wait, he also said he didn't like wine or wine tasting parties and he's just doing our party Sat. night for me. Say what?!!! NOW he tells me? We've done this for 3 yrs at our house, and went to someone else's house about 10 yrs ago and he loved it.
    He is resentful of everything and it's all coming out.

    Can't wait for Sat. night. Not. :(
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Terry, it sounds as if there is something more going on here than he is letting on about. I hate hearing complaints in dribs and drabs! It sounds as though this is how he intends to let it all out, though.

    I'd have to let him know that I love him and I want to make things happy and comfortable for us again, and when he's ready to move forward you're ready to talk and work it out. In the meantime, you're both too mad to talk about it, in my humble opinion.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He stood by the bed last night for about 5 min. and I had no idea what he wanted so I turned on the light. He stood there a bit longer and then said, "It's just too hard to talk to you. We've said everything that needs to be said."
    "So you don't feel it's resolved, then."
    "No, I don't."

    I agree. :(

    P.S. I can tell you that my involvement with-P and C will come into play, and how he wants me to make $ and work FT. I'd love to. :(
  19. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Many (((((HUGS)))))
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Look for the root cause, my friend. Hugs DDD