Trying to feel festive today, get my butt in gear. Getting kitchen, living room and bathroom spotless as they are the 3 areas we decorate for Christmas and easy child and I plan to do the house up today. Phone rings. Thank goodness for call display. Number shows as MY MOTHER. Yes, the evil genius herself. The one who I have no contact with. For like near to a year now! She's pulled this from time to time this past year, calls and once even tricked me by blocking her number so I'd answer. I try to just ignore, but then I was fed up of my machine turning on and her leaving messages. I at one point didn't clear my answering machine for over 4 months, it was full so nobody could leave me important messages. Simply because I could NOT NOT NOT cope with having to hear her voice and messages in order to clear the machine. Finally I did clear it and then if she'd call, I hit the talk button and the end button right after, never putting the phone to my ear. Felt horrible doing that, goes against my ingrained manners. But I could not COPE. Finally she had stopped for quite some period of months. She just did it again. I hit talk, hit end. Slammed my phone down in anger, pain, frustration, rage even. I am really learning to not just not like my own mother, I'm starting to feel hate for her. And hate does nothing to hurt her but it can swallow a person whole who lets it infiltrate their hearts, so I really work hard in my life to never let true hate creep into me. But today? It's creepin'. I literally feel sick to my stomach when she does this stuff. Makes anxiety crank up 10 notches. Sorry all, just needed to vent it out into cyberspace so my family doesn't have to listen to this, yet again.