I Did It!!!

[TeDo]

I finally did what I have wanted to do with difficult child since I found this site. He came home from school and did everything he could to push my buttons. He called me names, asked why I hate him, said his stomach hurt, and goofed around. We were trying to get what little homework he had, done. None of it worked. I kept a cool head, ignored the words and behaviors, but helped him with the work every time he sat down to do it. After 1 1/2 hours, he realized I wasn't going to force him or acknowledge the negative behaviors or yell at him. After that, it was pure heaven. WE worked on his homework for about 20 minutes and he was even willing to do a little extra work that is due next week. He wrote some of it and when he said his hand was hurting, I wrote the rest but at least he did some. Actually, he did most of the writing which was words/phrases directly from his book. I was able to avoid falling into the "battle" he was trying so hard to start. I feel great and can't wait to try it again. War avoided AND the work got done.

 

[gcvmom]

 

[Marguerite]

Well done! I hope you praised him when it was done, said something like, "It must feel really good to have all that work behind you now, and not hanging over your head. You worked solidly, that was a very productive effort."

Whenever you do this, keep it positive and unconditional. Too often we have got into bad habits and we devalue the praise by saying things like, "There! Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" or "If only you had got on with the job to begin with, instead of being unpleasant!"
Ignore the unpleasantness and he will begin to feel really silly every time he tries it. HE now has a bad habit or two to get out of!

Marg

 

[LittleDudesMom]

TeDo,

Great Job!!!!

Obviously there are always exceptions, but mirroring expected behavior is a must with our difficult children!

Sharon

 

[TeDo]

Thanks guys. Yes, Marg, I praised him to high heaven for getting the work done AND for doing the extra AND for "turning it around" which is a phrase he knows means to change the behavior. That is the phrase the school uses as a cue, although it doesn't work to change it yet but we're trying to make the connection. I am still so proud of him.

 

[TerryJ2]

Woo hoo!
Awesome.
I hope you continue on that path.
I have had some days like that ... wish I had more. It's hard to maintain. These kids can not only push your buttons, but they can pick the worst day in your life and add onto it.
I hope that he takes this positive day and works it into his schedule and life permanently.

 

[TiredSoul]

YAY!!! That is soooooo GREAT! Good job!