First let me say I'm new here. Looking for people who are in or have been in a similar situation that can provide guidance.
My son is 20 (21 in 2 months) is high functioning Asperger's with chronic headaches from a brain surgery 2 years ago to remove an AVM. With much resistance from me and his step-dad he dropped out of school as soon as he turned 18 - 3 months before graduation. Because of his disabilities he does receive SSI Disability & had been paying rent. However, we wanted him to get his GED and attempt work. After months of not looking for a job I heard of a job fair and took him - he was hired and has been working (or so I thought) part time.
There is a ton of history I'm leaving out (hitting me, punching holes in walls, lies, ect.). Also his father is a compulsive liar & master at playing the guilt card to deflect responsibility.
Recently I realized he was a compulsive liar and had no regard for how other people felt. I spoke with a therapist - what do I do if my son has a antisocial disorder. The therapist suggested rules of the house. So we did that. He broke the rules, again.
On Wednesday of this week I learned that he was not going to work (he was pretending to go but had no job). He claims to have failed his GED test.
As a condition of living in the house he was paying rent. He told me that he cannot pay the full rent this month because he purchased Christmas gifts for everyone. I complained and then he told me he could give $50 more to the rent. Later he started yelling at me that I was stressing him out. I was alone in the house (by this time he was at a friends) and I started thinking about the lies, the disrespect, the deflection of responsibility, making me feel guilty when I hadn't done anything, causing me years of undo stress. I had enough. I went to his room and packed all this clean cloths & medications and took them to him at his friends. I told him that he had no right to make me feel this way, no right to make me the bad person, he had no idea what true stress was. I told him that he could come home but only after he truly appreciates what I do for him and shows me the respect I deserve.
I got back to my car and cried like never before.
I've asked my husband to change the combination on the door.
I love my son.
I recognize that my son is not mentally mature to take on the world yet. He may be 20 years old but intellectually he is 14. What he doesn't recognize is I'm trying to help him. but I cannot keep hurting myself, my husband or my other son because he refuses to accept my guidance all the while lying and being disrespectful.
Michelle
My son is 20 (21 in 2 months) is high functioning Asperger's with chronic headaches from a brain surgery 2 years ago to remove an AVM. With much resistance from me and his step-dad he dropped out of school as soon as he turned 18 - 3 months before graduation. Because of his disabilities he does receive SSI Disability & had been paying rent. However, we wanted him to get his GED and attempt work. After months of not looking for a job I heard of a job fair and took him - he was hired and has been working (or so I thought) part time.
There is a ton of history I'm leaving out (hitting me, punching holes in walls, lies, ect.). Also his father is a compulsive liar & master at playing the guilt card to deflect responsibility.
Recently I realized he was a compulsive liar and had no regard for how other people felt. I spoke with a therapist - what do I do if my son has a antisocial disorder. The therapist suggested rules of the house. So we did that. He broke the rules, again.
On Wednesday of this week I learned that he was not going to work (he was pretending to go but had no job). He claims to have failed his GED test.
As a condition of living in the house he was paying rent. He told me that he cannot pay the full rent this month because he purchased Christmas gifts for everyone. I complained and then he told me he could give $50 more to the rent. Later he started yelling at me that I was stressing him out. I was alone in the house (by this time he was at a friends) and I started thinking about the lies, the disrespect, the deflection of responsibility, making me feel guilty when I hadn't done anything, causing me years of undo stress. I had enough. I went to his room and packed all this clean cloths & medications and took them to him at his friends. I told him that he had no right to make me feel this way, no right to make me the bad person, he had no idea what true stress was. I told him that he could come home but only after he truly appreciates what I do for him and shows me the respect I deserve.
I got back to my car and cried like never before.
I've asked my husband to change the combination on the door.
I love my son.
I recognize that my son is not mentally mature to take on the world yet. He may be 20 years old but intellectually he is 14. What he doesn't recognize is I'm trying to help him. but I cannot keep hurting myself, my husband or my other son because he refuses to accept my guidance all the while lying and being disrespectful.
Michelle