I haven’t posted in a long time..


Active Member
I’m reposting this because my first post was messed up, if anyone read it.

I haven’t been on here a while but I have lurked and read many posts that have given me strength. J, my Difficult Child left our house December 23, 2015. He smashed his car and only had basic insurance so the car was totaled. He was angry that we wouldn’t pay to fix it. We didn’t hear from him anymore. I still continued to pay for his cell phone on my account and I would watch the activity and see he was using it and I knew he was alive. I tried to reach out to him several times and he never responded. April 2016 my mother-in-law who was a wonderful woman, and a loving grandmother, went into kidney failure. She was in hospice in Florida my husband, my daughter and I all tried to call and text him to let him know what was going on and that we wanted to send my son and my daughter to Florida to see her while she was in hospice. He never responded and my mother-in-law died. My daughter was devastated, my kids loved their grandma so much and she loved them. my daughter had to go through this without her brother. Then it was probably May or June that I saw there was no activity on the phone, I kept the phone on until maybe August and then canceled it. My daughter saw an acquaintance in September who said he saw my son at a restaurant in our town and the kid said -hey I saw your sister and my son said OK well if you see her again tell her I said to F off. At least I knew he was alive. Then thanksgiving day 2016 came and I received a text from him that night saying mom I love you I’m alive. I called him and he sounded good and he said he was living in Oregon and everything was good. I had Christmas Gifts from my mother And my deceased mother in law from Christmas the year before for him. I sent the box with the gifts and some socks and underwear out to him. I didn’t know that the card that my mother had sent contained a check for $20. When he received the box he asked me what should I do with this check, I don’t have a bank account how do I cash it, I didn’t know but at the time I thought there was a time limit on cashing checks and the check was written in 2015 and it was almost the end of 2016. I told him to tear the check up it was only $20 and I thought he did that. We did send him money during this time, which was a bad decision. But the demands for money increased, he needed new brakes he needed us to pay his insurance he had a job but he wasn’t starting for a couple weeks etc.

Then he called one night saying he was in Portland Oregon and people were chasing him, Mexican gangs, Nazis, the government, Satanists. He kept us on the phone for three hours ranting and rambling saying people were trying to run him off the road. It was disturbing to say the least. It was either New Year’s Eve right around there and one night I got a text from him saying I’m going to run out of gas I need money and I need money to do my laundry. I didn’t see the text until the next morning, and in the meantime he took that check and tried to pay for gas with it. In Oregon they accept checks as payment for gas. He didn’t know how to sign the check properly, to sign it over to the gas station and he altered the amount of the check when the clerk took the check and asked him to wait he got suspicious that they were going to call the police and he left the gas station. The police picked him up right down the block and took him to jail for theft. He called us frantically begging us to get him out of jail that the people there were stalking and harassing him and going to hurt him, we didn’t bail him out. They released him out of jail several days later with a court date for like three weeks later. We told him we would pay for motel for him to stay in while he waited for his court date and he refused that and just wanted to come back to our state. We said you can’t just blow off the court date and he said I don’t care I already have two felonies it doesn’t matter I’m not going to stay. Then we started getting calls from him and texts saying he was in Louisiana and there were devil worshipers there and he was in Texas and everyone was evil there and then he drove to Tennessee where my father-in-law lives who was out of town at the time and try to go to his house but couldn’t. During this whole time we were getting crazy frantic calls from him. We seriously believed he was having a mental break down and considered that it could be drugs too. Without going into too many details I can tell you it was crazy and I was begging him to go to hospital but he refused. He ended up coming back to our state and I seriously was afraid of him he had sent me a picture of himself while he was out in Oregon and he looked like an absolute skeleton. He ended up staying with someone here in our city, but that didn’t last long.

I called the public defender and the prosecutor in Oregon and explained that that check from the gas station really was from my mother and that it wasn’t a stolen check and that my son wasn’t fully there in his mind. The prosecutor said that he would drop it to a misdemeanor but that he had to show up for court. So we gave them the money to drive back to Oregon to show for his court date. He did do that and I paid his fine. I know, I’m an idiot. He ended up driving back here to our state and went back with his girlfriend and she kept him for about a week and then he showed up at our doorstep wanting to stay here. He told us that he is a targeted individual and a victim of gang stalking. I had no idea what that was and I looked into it I suppose it seemed like something real at first but it isn’t. He had cameras in his car, He had his windows tinted, he carried a large can of bear mace (even in the shower)and was completely convinced and trying to convince everyone else that the government and these gang stalkers we’re out get him. There are so many details to this that I could make this a very long post, I’m trying to be concise… Well he was staying at his girlfriends or ex-girlfriend‘s during this time he admitted to her that the summer before when she gave him $500 to deposit into her bank account he acted like he did it but really he took the money. That was the final straw for her and she told him to go. He left again refusing to go to a hospital or get any kind of help and I’m not exactly sure where he went but then in March I got a call from him that he was in Chicago and would be at our house tomorrow. I agreed to let him come here but that he would have to get medical and psychological help. He showed up and my daughter was here and it was very sweet and so good to see him and he looked so beat up it was sad. I set him up in the spare bedroom and fed him and just let him take it easy for a few days. We explained to him that the conditions of staying at the house were that he had to seek treatment. I found a psychiatrist office and got him an appointment and had him sign a release so I could talk to the therapist and I wrote a four-page letter explaining all of his symptoms all the things I knew that we’re going on, I also set up an appointment for myself to see a counselor at the same place.

Here I will tell you what things were going on: he believed he had an implant behind his ear that was really a cyst, he believed that he was being electronically tortured by the government and that they were monitoring his every move. He accused us of being in on it and that we are freemasons and that we ritualistically abused him his entire childhood. That all of his friends were actors that we were actors that we were poisoning his tobacco that I tried to burn him with a pan while we were cooking next to each other. He has a YouTube channel detailing all of these things all these people stalking, him all this crazy stuff and there’s a whole world of people out there with these delusions that reinforce each other’s beliefs on YouTube channels. He was taking 4 baths a day and saying Jesus was telling him to expose the Jesuits and the masons. He accused my husband of being a mason. The therapist he had was truly terrible. I spoke to her several times about my concerns and she would say he has to talk to me about it I can’t just go on your word- (which I do understand).One day he said that he had to get out of here and that he was not safe here and he had to go and he sped off and it was horrible when I called the therapist and she just reiterated the same thing. It ended up he drove to New York City for a 911 protest. Then came back that next Monday. We stuck with the therapy and told him that he had to either get a diagnosis so he could get disability or he would have to work at some point. That we couldn’t support him forever. He financed a car for $6000, a 2007 that he had driven into the ground and needed $2200 worth of work, his driving record is so bad that his insurance which he has to have full coverage is 400 per month!

He strung us along all summer saying yes he would go to the psychiatrist for the evaluation and I was painting it as look you’ll get disability if you get a diagnosis because I truly believe he is ill and he cannot work. While he was here from March through August we were constantly accused of poisoning him,stealing from him,touching our faces to make signals about him -he’s completely paranoid and delusional. My brother tried to talk to him and he told my brother to you know what and hung up on him.He ended up going on some dating site and meeting some girl with a kid and I think he thought that would be his next jump off. It was in July and he told me he was going camping with the girl and her kid and when he came back after a week on a Sunday the day before his appointment with his therapist and that Wednesday he had the appointment for the psychiatric evaluation. When he arrived back he was washing some rocks with the hose I asked what those were about and he said he got them in Maine!

He didn’t end up going camping with his girlfriend he ended up driving to Maine Which is far from where we live. He said he talked to his therapist and she said there’s nothing wrong with him and that he would never get disability because you had to basically be dying of cancer to get disability. The therapist I was seeing at the same place told me differently and I also signed a release with her so she could talk to his therapist and everyone could be in the loop because of his resistance. He told me that he was not going to go to the psychiatric evaluation because he was fine. I told him that the conditions on living in our home were that he either comply with treatment and get the evaluation or he needed to work. I told him that he would have 30 days to leave. I actually told him that prior to this day.

I asked him what his plan was what he would do he said don’t worry about it I have a plan. I think his plan was to hook up with this girl that he met and go live off of her. When he talked to my brother he told my brother that I was a psycho and he didn’t respect me or my husband and my brother wasn’t having any of that and tried to tell him how nothing is owed to him and that he needs to accept the help we were offering that’s when J said F off and hung up on him.

I sent an email to his therapist asking if what he said was true and she said basically yes. She said that it was just my word against his and that he was nothing but a gentleman and very kind. That just because he has quirks that I don’t understand and that millennial’s all tend to think like this doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with him-something to that effect. My therapist said that her behavior was completely inappropriate and that she had spoken to his therapist which his therapist denied. So my son left. He has an open Facebook so anyone can see it he has a YouTube channel with his real name and he posts his phone number on there he’s been driving around all over the country trying to meet with other “targeted individuals” he’s been doing that before he came back and is now back in Oregon. While he was here during the summer we were paying his insurance and his car and his phone but we told him if he wasn’t going to participate in treatment or anything to get his life moving we were going to cut off the financial support. So we did and now it’s hitting the fan.He drove to British Columbia and tried to get into Canada to apparently stay with someone, I don’t know who but he was denied at the border because he had been in jail for theft in January. So now he’s in a car that he owes $5800 on that’s a 2007 that needs $2000 worth of work with $400 a month insurance payments and he has no support, nothing. He posted on Facebook that we were Masons and that my husband spent all of his time in the lodge. This is completely untrue, my husband golfs that’s it. I have an old friend whose family are Baha’is we never did anything with her family that was her parents -my son just knew of this religion but we never were involved in it at all. But he claims he was abused by bahais. I’m giving so many details I’m sorry. When he was here during one of our talks he admitted to me that he didn’t want to work and that he hated both of us. Now he wants us to fix everything while he’s in the Pacific Northwest with nothing. I told him again that he could check himself into a hospital and that nothing is going to change he can go and drive wherever he wants but it won’t change until he seeks professional help in earnest. I’m fearful that he will show up at our door. His presence in our home is just dark, my pets are afraid when he’s here, My house is trashed he shows no respect. When he first came here it was OK but as time went on he became more belligerent and disrespectful.

I didn’t mention that I had spoken to his old girlfriend and she said he was getting Adderall from the doctor during the year he was away from us and that when he went out to Oregon he was using meth. I even had a girl that I don’t know show up at my door before he came back saying she was terrified because he was threatening her because she wouldn’t let him stay with her and that while he was in Oregon last winter, he sent her a picture of a piece of meth. I told her to go to the police and to not talk to him because he was threatening her. It ended up while he was staying here that he hung out with her and she told him what I said, his old girlfriend as well told him what I said to her which was you should stay away because he was abusive to her as well. So, now here we are he’s gone He has burned every bridge and he’s alone. When I posted back in early 2016 I said he had a diagnosis of Borderline (BPD) and ptsd, but that wasn’t true. He said he had that diagnosis from the doctor I had sent them to back in 2015 when he was here briefly, come to find out he only went twice and that diagnosis just came from his mouth there was nothing from the doctor I never even got a bill. I don’t know if his psychosis was brewing in him for years or whether the meth woke it up in his brain, All I know is he is not well. And I don’t know what to do. I continue to see the therapist and I got myself a puppy but I still hurt pretty much all of the time. Thanks for listening. Sorry about my rambling and typos, as I’m “voice texting” on my phone- I just had to get it out.

He refuses to acknowledge that he is delusional and his beliefs are false and I know this is a feature of schizophrenia. It’s very disturbing how there are many people on the Internet who say don’t talk to doctors don’t tell anyone they are all out to get you it’s all a scam it’s the Jews,it’s the Masons, it’s the Illuminati, no touch torture program mind control and on and on. I’m just so lost.
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Roll With It
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Your son is clearly an addict. So much of what he is doing is stuff I have heard of and seen from people who are on meth at high levels for long periods. It really destroys the brain. Until he gets clean and stays clean, all the therapy and psychiatry in the world won't help him. You cannot figure out what is really going on with someone while they are using drugs. It is impossible to know what is the drugs and what is mental illness. Your son could be perfectly fine and just think these things because of all of the meth. Or he could be seriously mentally ill, there is no way to know.

You need to accept that he has used most of the money you have given him for drugs. Every penny you give him goes to support his habit. If you pay a bill, even if you pay it to the insurance company directly, that means he doesn't have to worry about it. More of his dollars to buy meth or other drugs with. How will you feel if your money buys the drugs that kill him?

I know that is harsh. I still remember hearing my own mother crying her heart out after a family session where she was asked a similar question. She was mostly supporting my brother at the time. It really changed some of her thinking. And mine. It isn't a question anyone can answer for you. It isn't something that you can or should answer to me. The answer is something you need to tell yourself and talk over with your husband. Then you should post the question near your phone and put it under his name on your phone. That way you might see it when he calls.

It is so hard when they call with those stories of being stalked or attacked and in imminent danger. Everything is wrong and it is life threatening and they need your help RIGHT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!

If he needs help that fast, he should hang up and call 911. Not you. You can do nothing for him to help keep him safe if his life is in that sort of danger. It would be absolutely idiotic and ridiculous for you to try. The police are trained to handle those life and death situations. You are a mom, with training to be a mom. Not to save someone, even someone you love, from a gang of crazed thugs who want to kill him.

If he absolutely MUST have money, tell him that you simply cannot do anything until day after tomorrow. Don't say "day after tomorrow" just pick the business day that is the day after tomorrow. Tell him that your credit card/debit card got damaged, or you paid the bill late and have to wait until it is processed. Tell him that you have to wait until payday. Whatever stalling tactic that seems reasonable is fine. Take the immediate nature out of the situation. Buy that time. Use that time to stop and think critically about what he told you. Is it logical? Reasonable and rational? If a stranger told you this, would you believe it? If you saw it in a movie, would it be ridiculous? Often what our difficult children tell us simply doesn't stand up to basic logic and critical thinking. A simple question or two and their lies fold like a house of cards. Their drug use and problems may not let them see it, but that isn't our problem, is it?

I am glad you have a therapist of your own. Keep seeing her if you like her. If you don't, find one that you do. It stinks that your son ended up with such an awful therapist. Sadly, many people are drawn to that profession because they have mental health problems. Then there is the fact that some of them have to be in the bottom 50th percentile. That therapist your son ended up with was loony tunes and in the bottom of the ranks quality wise, if you ask me. Or even if you don't ask me. Sometimes people are too idiotic to live. That therapist is. I hope she doesn't go out and look up at the sky while it rains. She probably couldn't figure out that she needed to keep her mouth shut and then she would drown. She is a Darwin Award waiting to happen.


Active Member
Thank you! Yes, we have come to the realization that giving him money just may be his death. We aren’t giving him any more. I removed my bank account from his insurance policy. We were paying it while he was here and (pretending) to get help. The last charge (a surprise) in September was for 842.00!
In 2015 it was heroin and Xanax. As of December, January & February 2017 it was meth. Then he went “psycho”.
I just have to learn to live with the fact that he will be homeless.
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate you.


Well-Known Member
Sounds like at least meth psychosis. My daughter was a stick of herself...looked like she had terminal cancer....while on meth. But whether it is meth or also schizophrenia, your son has "rights." If he wont get help, legally he cant be forced. He is dangerous now and you must protect yourself. He can think you are an enemy agent and seriously try to kill you.

If you see him, do it at a crowded restaurant.

Dont drive him anywhere...unsafe with just you two in a car.

A therapist isnt going to be able to help your son. His thinking is skewed. He needs a psychiatrist (with the MD) and possibly anti psychotics, but he needs to be willing to comply with treatment. Some mentally ill people will not comply or they believe medications are part of a government plot to kill them. Your son is paranoid. This is not normal for millenials or anyone. Meth and pot can cause paranoia. Meth psychosis is very real.

No money. Period.

Change your locks. If he comes, call the cops. He is dangerous with his mindset. One dear lady who has a long thread here has a schizophrenic son who tried to kill her. Paranoia is a dangerous thought process.

You can not do anything. He has legal rights to be insane. All you can do is protect yourself and your other loved ones. If son ends up in jail he may finally be forced to get treatment there. So never bail him put of jail. Prisons are our new psychiatric hospitals. Yes, it is sad.

My heart hurts for you. This is so hard.
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Active Member
Yeah. I never did give him a key when he was staying her durning the summer. All of this has made me paranoid and I keep the house locked up tight, including windows. My husband suggested we try again and have him come back here, but as much as it kills me to imagine him on the street, I’m very afraid to have him here again. I can’t do it. I could barely sleep at night when he was here and kept our bedroom door locked at all times.
You can’t live with someone who believes you are an agent that wants to poison him. I woke up this morning at 5 and have been pouring over the posts, hearing “protect yourself” over and over. It’s unreal what our life has become.
He is lucid enough to say these exact words:
I am not a danger to myself or others.
He is terrified of the police.
Thank you so much, you guys are the only ones that truly understand.


Well-Known Member
Ask your husband why he expects things to change if he tries again?

It wont and someone could get seriously hurt. Does your daughter live with you?

You owe it to yourselves and other loved ones to keep him out of your space. I k ow it hurts, but he is dangerous. Your home is your sanctuary. You should never be afraid in your own home.


Active Member
Ask your husband why he expects things to change if he tries again?

It wont and someone could get seriously hurt. Does your daughter live with you?

You owe it to yourselves and other loved ones to keep him out of your space. I k ow it hurts, but he is dangerous. Your home is your sanctuary. You should never be afraid in your own home.
No, my daughter has her own place. While he was here, she and her boyfriend tried to show him love and support, but he rebuffed them because he was bitterly angry that she had her own place and she got a puppy (all in her own dime). One day, I asked him if he wanted to go over there to see her pup and his response was- F no! You are just trying to rub my nose in the fact that she has a house and a dog. He then proceeded to demand that I get him a dog! It’s just a mess!


Well-Known Member
Staff member
QS, I'm sorry you're going thru this with your son.

You may find solace in the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.

It may be helpful to contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters in many cities. Their parent courses are excellent, I suggest you give them a call and that you and your husband get in one of their courses, they are experts in dealing with mental illness. They will offer you resources, support, guidance and information.

You and your husband need support right now. Your son is making his choices and you are powerless to change any of it. Nor did you cause it. Get yourself as much support as you can because the only way any of this will change is if YOU change. And, in order to do that, most of us need much assistance, this is an extremely difficult path we are on.

Hang in there, I know how hard this is. You're not alone, we get it. Continue posting, it helps.

so ready to live

Well-Known Member
Hi Quicksand. I was exhausted just reading your ups and downs, you living it must be so tough. You've certainly been through the ringer...and you've done more than enough, because it's never enough with them is it?
I’m fearful that he will show up at our door. His presence in our home is just dark, my pets are afraid when he’s here, My house is trashed he shows no respect. When he first came here it was OK but as time went on he became more belligerent and disrespectful.
This says it all. You are afraid. Your family deserves peace in your home, your sanctuary. It makes sense to be afraid of that man with the drugs on board. (that's not the son you raised, I get it). Is all the paranoia drug induced or in him anyway? No way of knowing unless he's clean and sober. I know even apparently clean, my son totally believes illuminati and many other ideologies, he is totally influenced by the internet.
As so many others have said please protect yourself. Keep posting. Prayers.


Crazy Cat Lady
While he has a history of drug use, as evidenced by the past charges, what I am reading here is pure paranoid schizophrenia.

Unfortunately, as others have said, unless he becomes a danger to self or others, there isn't much to be done about it.

It's very sad as he'll probably cycle between homelessness, 3-day holds for "being a public nuisance", and possibly short jail terms here and there for drug charges (if he's still using).

Under today's laws, unless declared incompetent by the courts, he still has the right to refuse treatment.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's got to be heart-wrenching. Please take care of yourself, and be safe.


Well-Known Member
GN, i thought it sounded like paranoid schizophrenia too. Maybe drugs triggered it. If he has it, even getting clean wont stop it.

Paranoid schizophrenics, because of the nature of their delusions, think they are being watched and stalked by everyone, some even think that others can hear their thoughts. Although, in their right minds, they could be gentle souls, the illness makes them a possible danger to anyone who they feel is threatening them. And they usually have vivid hallucinations that they believe are real. They may "hear" us say we are going to kill them and "defend" against what they perceive as a real threat from us. This is just an example.

It would be a danger to see him anywhere except in a crowded public place where you would have access to others if he lunged at you.

Your daughter is smart not to tell him her address. This is a very sadly sick young man, not the brother she loves.

The laws regarding our mentally ill positively suck and hurt the ill person and the family. I am so very sorry. It should not be like this.


Active Member
It is horrible. The J that I know is smart, funny and kind person. I haven’t seen that J in many years.
I have to consciously shift my mind from getting lost in imagining his circumstances because I get the most horrible dread and fear that I can’t stand it. It’s overwhelming.
I’m really glad I have this puppy, raising him is therapeutic and makes me forget for a minute and feel some joy.


Crazy Cat Lady
I think one of the saddest things about paranoid schizophrenia is that to them, the voices, delusions, commands, etc, are REAL. They live in a world fraught with terror, and yes, can be dangerous if they believe committing a dangerous act will rid them of the constant fear.

I keep thinking of another mother on this board who overheard her son arguing with command voices that were telling him to kill her.

I do want to point out that the bulk of schizophrenia patients are NOT dangerous, and in fact are much more likely to be victims of violence than to commit violence.

Paranoid schizophrenia is another beast entirely, and some cases, especially with command voices and hallucinations, yes, sufferers can become dangerous to those they become convinced are what they fear.


Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
My best friend from nursing school who is the gentlest soul of a human being developed messiah complex paranoid schizophrenia. She thought that the chips in her pets were devices of the Devil and she tired to kill the pets. She had used a thumb swipe security system at work and feltnit had implanted something evil in her and tried to cut off her own thumb.

She was hospitalized and is now out and doing very well on medication.

It is a sad journey to see a loved one take. Especially is they are not doing well.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
I'm so sorry. It could be a dual diagnosis..a mental illness plus drug abuse.

Consider a support group like Parents Anonymous or Alanon. Keep up with your own counseling.

I like what the others have said. I would big time avoid allowing him in your house or giving him any money.

Possible rare and limited exceptions would be if you know for a fact the money is going for food (food store gift card?) or directly to a medical doctor or medical facility for his tx. But even these things I would be careful and again, it would need to be direct ...not monies given to him.

I like the ideas presented here...change your locks, stalling etc. lots of good advice.

This is very sad and enormously difficult. Please make sure to take very good care of yourself.


Active Member
He texting me today and saying that he needs a storage unit because he’s going to lose his car and has nowhere for his stuff. He wants a raincoat and pants too. I called him and told him I could see if he could pick up that I order for him at a Walmart near him.
He then said - what the fu$k dude, you are a fu$ked up narccistic abuser!
I then said - goodbye and hung up.
Then more texts.
I replied with- you have to get professional help. Giving you $ does not help you!
Then- I want $ to buy my own things. I’m fine I don't need help. You want me to suffer alone on the street!
Every time we say NO, he says we abused him and we are narcissists.
I need to hold steady right?
No cash. Cash could/will kill him.
I never imagined life would turn out like this.


Active Member
By their reasoning right now, we have three powers.

Ruin their lives
Give them what they want
F off

You shouldn't be here. It's cold comfort but you are not alone.


Crazy Cat Lady
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. When members of my family help each other out, we either order online and have the item(s) delivered directly to the family member in need, or have it delivered to a local store for pickup. Not because we don't trust them, just because it's easier for everyone that way.

I'll send my mother a check if needed for "bills", but will not with-my sister due to past history of AODA. In her case I have paid bills directly on occasion.

My mother and I do a lot of stuff with-gift cards or cash Visa/Master cards.

with-my mother lately, (she's 82) because she can't walk very far without a walker, and can't carry much, I have anything I order for her delivered to her. For my sister, I usually do store pick-up unless it's something huge.

As regarding your son, if he isn't grateful for your offer to order him what he needs for him to pick up...nuts to him.