I just have "that feeling"

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, May 8, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Since difficult child came home in March I've basically heard from him at least 3 times a day every single day. He usually messages me quite a bit on Facebook either from the library or from the Kindle I lent him. He usually calls me in the afternoon around 3 and then again at 8 (and sometimes 6 more times in between). Yesterday he messaged me once very briefly during the day and didn't call the house at all. I tried to message him last night and again this morning and I've gotten no response which is not the "norm".

    I just have "that feeling" that something is going on. Either he sold or lost the Kindle and is afraid to tell me or he got in trouble and doesn't want me to know. I know he was having a little bit of an issue at the shelter because his language is atrocious and his hygiene is very poor. He's also been obsessed with helping his roommate program his DS. So I'm not sure if maybe he's just occupied with that but my gut instinct tells me something is going on and I need to prepare myself for another "ride".

    I've noticed a few other board members are having "that feeling" as well lately. I wonder what's going on? Is it the difficult child cycle coming round again? I've noticed over the years that this time of year is bad for my difficult child. He's either in trouble or winds up in the psychiatric hospital between March and July of every year. Hmmmmm.
  2. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    So yup - instinct is right on track. difficult child called at almost 8 from his roommate's cell and said they were waiting for the 7:30 shuttle but it was not there. Sorry but I have a hard time believing that. I gave him the number for the shelter (which he clearly did not write down) and told him to call. I told him if he gets kicked out bc he missed his 7:30 curfew than it's his problem. He was all nonchalant and said "ok - no problem". After we hung up I even texted the shelter number to the phone he called from and got some weird cartoon picture as a reply. So you know what? - "ok - no problem".

    So yeah - he's been at SH for a month. This is about the time his honeymoon period usually ends. I'm not looking forward to the next few days (or weeks, months, YEARS!) I know exactly where this is headed. He's going to get kicked out for not following rules but, of course, it wont be his fault. I made it clear that if he messes this up bc he doesn't like to follow simple rules than I'm out. Can't keep helping someone who doesn't want to be helped. Uggggggh!
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy, been there done that. I am sorry though JKF, no matter how you look at it, it's a drag for you. I hope he worked it out with the shelter tonight, I just don't know how long our difficult child's can think they're 'bulletproof.' Sigh. Sending supportive hugs your way..........
  4. JKF - I'll be thinking about you today. Hoping he doesn't get kicked out but if he does at least you know that you have tried everything you can.

    It's a sad state when knowing that it's warm outside is solace because your kid may be sleeping when he gets kicked out of his current living arrangement. I know because that's one of the main reasons I was glad that spring was here. Sigh.
  5. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    the whole "system" is a HUGE joke. That's one of the biggest problems. difficult child gets in trouble. Gets a little "tap" (not even a SLAP) on the wrist. In his mind that's not so bad. Even the time he spent in jail has been forgotten by him. Must not have been "that bad". And he knows his PO won't do anything because the PO is in another state and basically sent difficult child back to NJ bc he didn't want to deal with his petty case. Yet this is the PO who refused to allow him to go to Idaho. Uggggh. But you know what? I'm actually glad I didn't send difficult child to Idaho because I don't think my dad would have been able to handle him. His problems are far worse than I ever thought and I see that more and more now that he's back in NJ.

    WTW- Thanks - I appreciate you thinking of me! It really helps. And yes - I know I've done everything I can. I really do know that. I always think I'm "done" but there's a little voice inside my head telling me not to give up on him. However, that being said, each time difficult child messes up all of the hard work I've done to get him help that voice gets smaller and smaller. I'm hoping eventually it will go away altogether. And it's funny you say that about the warm weather because I was thinking exactly that last night - "At least it's not 20 degrees". Uggggh!

    Anyway, he called me this morning from the shelter. He said he caught the 9:30 van back because the 7:30 one never came. He was there at 7:15 he said so, of course, it's not his fault. We all know that's not the truth but he'll never admit it because he can do no wrong. It's always somebody else's fault. He even made a comment before saying as much. At that point I told him flat out to get over himself, start doing the right thing, stop blaming others, and stop with the BS already! Enough's enough!

    I'm not sure what his repercussions will be for missing curfew but I'm sure he won't react well. But you know what? It is what it is.
    Lasted edited by : Jul 10, 2013