I need help....and hugs

I am havng a hard time typing through tears....so bear with me.

I just got an email from my 16 year old (difficult child #1).

a littl background for those who don't know me - or remember what happened:

My two boys have to be separated from each other because of something that happened between them almost three years ago. Since then I have only been able to see my older son a few times - because I have my younger son 24/7/365 - HIS father hasn't seen HIM in 8 years. My older son now lives with my ex - who is (pardon my french) an a--hole. My ex refuses to drive my son to my house because - in his words - "the non-custodial parent should do ALL the driving back and forth". I don't have a vehicle or driver's license - because I have fallen asleep while driving. My ex just thinks I am being lazy. I haven't spoken one word to this "man" since before the incident. Then - I had to move about an hour away from them last year because of my health problems and being unable to work. My family (mother and sister) are no help at all.

Anyway - I have been able to keep in contact with my older son through telephone and email. BUT - my ex uses these things as punishment. He takes away my son's cell phone and computer privilidges whenever my son doesn't do his chores. They no longer have a home phone because they both have had the cell phones.

My son hasn't had his cell phone for several months now. I just got an email from him saying that he is about to lose his computer for "a long time" because he was playing games instead of "doing his work". Today was the first day of his summer vacation!!!! And his "work" was probably cleaning up after his piggy father.

I NEED to be able to communicate with my son. Are there laws about one parent keeping a child from the other one? Where do I start? My son sounded so sad in his email - wishing that he could change himself. I miss him so much.

I really need help with this one.



New Member
First, some gentle hugs. I can only imagine your pain.

Could you get your son a cell phone? Maybe one of those kid type ones that restrict calls to only a few numbers so that you could argue with your ex that it is strictly so you can keep in touch?

As to your rights, I think you'd have to go through the courts for that. If you can't afford an attorney, see if you can find one who at least will give you a free consult. Many will.

Isn't there anyone who you could pay to pick up your son or a bus he could take to visit you?


Well-Known Member
My Dex did the same thing when difficult child went to live there for a year. He would punish from the phone and that meant talking to me, too. I had a real hard time with it. It did seem to work a bit though. difficult child would try extra hard to do what dad wanted so she could get to talk to her mom. Sad really, but it worked for a bit.

However, I would never keep my difficult child from speaking to her father - ever.

I wonder what your Ex thinks he is accomplishing. And does he know you have no license? by the way, my Ex said the non-custodial should do all the driving as well. Funny how that only applied once she was living there!!
That sounds like a controlling EX to me. My DEX would pull something like that, given the chance.

There is always snail mail. Mail your son some stamps too, thus ensuring he has a way to send letters back to you.

Lots of hugs to you. It really stinks being in a position where you have no control over the situation.

Serenity Prayer!