I need suggestions!! 5 year old in a fight at daycare. @ days before Halloween!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tmaz74, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. tmaz74

    tmaz74 New Member

    My 5 year old has been having behavior issue recently. When he gets angry or frustrated he has taken to running away from the area. Safety concern at school and daycare obviously. He was also bullied quite seriously from april till I pulled him from his daycare in late june. He was starting to fight back. An be pre emptive almost. HE is now in a new daycare since July. he loves it. I have noticed some listening issues but no real concerns there until recently.

    They say he gets into most of his issues because he is around certain children. HE also gets in trouble for bolting out of the room. Today he hit a child and left a welt. He said "the other child was going to start it. I could tell by his face". It was this childs first day.

    He is a very young 5 year old. he is very loving and sensitive. we have taken everything away, and out of his room. If halloween wasnt 2 days from now he'd be grounded for the week.

    Any suggestions to help change this behaviour. He hasnt been aggressive till today. He has a behavior chart for am at home, school and pm at home.

    Help. I feel like I have the worst behaved child on earth. I dread seeing any of his daycare reachers or school teachers.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome.

    Does your son have any diagnoses? Ever had a comprehensive evaluation?
    What is family history like? (i.e. is he adopted, other siblings, any disorders that run in the family tree)

    There is definitely something going on, and in my opinion the behavior isn't THE problem - yes it is a problem, but something else is probably behind it. For example - kids with sensory integration disorders tend to get overloaded ... and it shows in behavior.
  3. tmaz74

    tmaz74 New Member

    No diagnosis yet. Have a pedeatrician appointment December 20 th. he is not adopted

    and has a sister 15 months older who is very strong willed and intelligent as well.
    However, she hasn't had issues like this. She tends to be more passive
    about her disobedience. Lol. She wants to do what she wants
    when she wants to do it. She is easily directed over all. Never impulse issues.
    Her. It gets issue is missing playtime in grade one!
    I fear my son may have a behavioral diagnosis, hence the appointment
    with the doctor so expeditiously. I am an ece iii and supervise a day are for a living.
    He has not behaved this way with me before. I agree something
    is causing the behavior. He changed after being bullied. I hoped
    the new d/c would help. But it appears that isn't the case.
    He said yesterday "it will be hard to control myself now with hi
    Here.". He says this type of thing lately. The "it's hard" to control himself that is.
    I should know what to do!! Help
  4. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Wow, it sounds to me like he has amped up his defense skills because of the bullying he had to endure. Fight or flight- and he's doing both. I might start doing some research on how to get him back down to normal defense levels. This is something my difficult child's therapist would probably have awesome information on. He worked at the Boys Town home for boys. I believe they actually have a hotline number, you might give them a call and see if they have any advice. It could be a good starting place.

    Website: http://www.boystown.org/national-hotline
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well definitely dont take Halloween away. I had a friend that did that to her kids while I was the sitter and it broke my heart to do it.

    Sounds to me like he is in high anxiety mode too. What happened at the other daycare where he was bullied badly? How long did it go on and how was he bullied? As a little guy he probably didnt know how to use his words well to tell what was really happening so he had to build up some bad coping skills.

    All this isnt going to help the immediate problem of him misbehaving now but I would look into finding him a good child therapist who uses play therapy. He isnt old enough for talk therapy yet. I do think the charts are probably a really good idea if you can get him to buy into them.

    I am proposing all this on the supposition that he doesnt have any major mental health issues. 123 Magic is a good book for kids his age. If you and his teachers are on the same page about making sure he has the same discipline at school and at home for what he is doing that should help too. If he attempts to bolt out the door quite often maybe you could ask the school about having an aide with him or if his class has an aide, having her always keeping a very close eye on him when he seems to get upset.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would not take away Halloween either. He is not being aggressive in an attempt to dominate other; he is scared. Tigger was bullied by Kanga and some others when he was that age. While he is doing much better, his underlying emotion in many situations is fear. We have worked very hard to get him to understand not to hit first.