I refuse to get on the roller coaster....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Nov 5, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    So Son has actually been doing OK. He is still in art school and he even participated in a Halloween activity because I saw it on their Facebook page.... so I was feeling like maybe just maybe he is finally getting it.

    Last Sunday night he even went to a haunted house with me and his cousin and it was fun! He was sober and kind and told me his actions the last few years were all his own and not my failt( first time admitting that)

    Well today we get a phone call from a strange number and he says he lost his phone and wanted us to know he is alive. My husband felt he was slurring his words and asked if he was drunk. Son got angry and hung up on him. I called the number back as I wanted to hear his voice to see if he was using. I too found he sounded slurred and reminded him he only got angry at us when he is using. He told me he was mad and that he was sober. He said he was stuck in another town about an hour away and can’t find his phone. He told me not to call the number again as it wasn’t his phone. I told him to call if he needed to be picked up. Done.

    Of course husband is very upset and reacting to this. I am actually quite calm. I am not jumping on his train to destruction. I am here if he asks for help but I am not going to call him or try to track him down. He is an addict and until he can deal with his own demons I can’t do anything.

    He knows he is loved and if he needs us he will call back. My husband of course is like “do I go on my business trip?” I said YES. We have got to stop riding his roller coaster and stay away from this emotional reaction that only hurts us and never makes him any better.

    I am so over this. I love him and hope he can be ok, but right now, today I am not drowning in his mess. I have been down that road and I can’t live that way.

    I have a job I love, a wonderful marriage and people who love me. I can’t keep pulling them down every time he falls.

    Sigh.....
     
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  2. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Amen, Colleen! Right on.
    I went down this road many times. Sounds like my "broken record" I threw away.
    Hang in there.
     
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  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :warrior: Way to go. You have earned your armor.
     
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  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    YES!

    YES!

    YES!

    :choir:

    Leafy
     
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  5. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Sooooo.... he is now telling us he was in an accident and that cops took his phone.

    I am so angry. But I’m trying to stay calm.
     
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Geez Colleen, how the stories twist and turn. It becomes a crazy part of the new normal, which is not normal at all.
    Try to stay steady state.
    You are not him, he is not you.
    His circumstances brought about by his choices, his consequences.
    Ugh.
    You are going to be okay.
    Keep strong woman!
    (((Hugs)))
    Leafy
     
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The cops wouldnt take his phone. That twist makes no sense. Honestly, what they come up with...

    Sadly more likely he lost his phone or broke his phone, or if its a nice phone, sold it for whatever he wanted to buy thinking youd buy him another phone.

    My daughter is in law enforcement school. One thing she was taught is that you can tell if someone is lying by whether or not the person keeps changing his story. People who are being honest dont change their stories.
     
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  8. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Just picked him up and he had a girl with him ( I actually taught her years ago) she is nice but has been to rehab.

    He told me they spent the day at the ER where they were checked over and released. Then he thought he lost his phone at hospital and wanted us to go get it. I wasn’t about to go on a wild goose chase..... told him he should be thankful we came and got them. The whole drive home was weird. They both could have had concussions ... and his face was swollen by an injury from the steering wheel. He said they gave him a breathalyzer test and he passed it. Wouldn’t they have arrested him if he was high? Ugh...

    I feel he was off for sure but he may have had a concussion. He kept claiming he has been clean the last month and was mad I doubted him. I just feel over the whole thing and don’t even play into it all. I could have argued with him but why bother.

    He knew I was not happy. I don’t care at this point what he is doing .... I told him I needed more than what I was seeing to believe he is sober. I told him five years of lies don’t go away. I was very clear.

    Just dropped him off. He has no phone and I don’t care. He can figure it out.
     
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  9. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    It all sounds so familiar. The changing stories ... Been there ~Done that. You did good, Colleen. You are not alone here.
    You are going to be alright!
     
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  10. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Oh sorry I left out they crashed and totalled her car.... hence the face injury and possible concussions.... ugh
     
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Crashed and totaled the car.
    Blessed to survive it.
    I can’t tell you how many cars Tornado and Volcano have been through.
    I hope this will be a turning point for your son Colleen.
    In the meantime, take one day at a time and keep building yourself up, up, up.
    The stronger you become, the more you have in your toolbox, is more of a chance for your son to see himself.
    They may be able to look in the mirror, try to fool themselves, try to fool us.
    Addiction is no match verses the reflection in a strong warrior mothers eyes.
    I believe that.
    Once we start to put our foot down, refuse to be misled down their slippery path, that is our turning point.
    It is a huge wake up call for us and them.
    Stick to your guns, stay off the roller coaster and live your life as best can.
    (((Hugs)))
    Leafy
     
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  12. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB

    I am reeling with this thread. Just know my heart is with you I will respond more later. Thinking of you.
     
  13. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Colleen. The ride shifts again...hold on.
    A month sober? Wasn't he sounding slurred a day or two ago? the phone? the accident? the ER evaluation? My husband once went on the wild goose chase to find son's car which addicted son's addicted girlfriend wouldn't return...it's some crazy living, to be in the drama of their making. We were like a "jerry Springer" show for so long without even knowing it. After a while, living like this skews reality so we forgot what reasonable looked like. Now when I look back, I think how could we be so foolish?
    You, on the other hand, don't sound "slurred". Hold tight.
     
  14. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    CB

    The swirly whirly as Leafy describes it. The fact that they thing we believe what they say is only superseded by the fact that they convince themselves what they say is truth.

    Wild goose chases for lost belongings. Yes I too have been there and correct! No more.

    They set us up with their Ability to behave and be the child we raised and knew. This tells us that they are still in there....somewhere.

    A blip on their radar is an entering of sadness, suffering and vacillation for us. I almost wish my kid would renew himself completely, or simply stay bad to the bone. The glimmer
     
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  15. Duli

    Duli New Member

    Thank you !! my 28 yo alcoholic, drug addict (sorta clean now) Son lives back at home now .. no drugs or alcohol are allowed in the house and I have forced him to work a Full time job ..I even demanded Son to pay me $300 a month ! I am also tired of his crazy attitude and am trying to watch my mouth before I OFFER any advice or help or ANYTHING.. because I am the one who " PAYS THE PIPER" with all his emotional abuse .. he knows exactly how to manipulate me to get exactly what he wants .. but like you (again thank you) I am not willing to ride the emotional Rollercoaster today ! oh by the way.. I have a 37 yo daughter who likes to do the same thing to me.. but does not live at home..thank the heavens lol:)
     
  16. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    Have been thinking about you.

    My son believes his own lies. I can tell that he does. I hate everything about it.

    Your son is doing just enough to get by it sounds. I truly hope he learns from all this.

    I have found with our son that when things just "don't make any sense" that drugs are involved. Period.

    So ready to live - yes we were on the Jerry Springer show for many years. You DO truly forget what normal is. I remember thinking that I was going crazy as well.

    I will never do that again. I don't care who I have to walk away from. I really mean that with all my heart.

    It sounds like you are becoming so much stronger Colleen. Good for you!
     
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  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    bravo colleen.