I want to scream but I know my situation could be so much worse.....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by BKS, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. BKS

    BKS New Member

    My 19 year old son has been drinking and/or doing drugs since the age of 16. My mother, brother, mother's brother, and grandfather were/are alcoholics and so, if there is a gene, it certainly seems to run in my family.

    My son failed his second attempt at outpatient rehab this month and we just put him in a residential treatment center in the northern part of our state.

    Neither my husband nor I drink (except my husband has an occasional beer every month with pizza) and we had a bunch of liquor my son went through at the age of 16 - unbeknownst to us at the time.

    He has ADHD and has never taken his schoolwork seriously except his junior year of high school when he made the honor roll and did great on his SAT's. We have heard every excuse in the book for his issues including that he has been abused, over medicated, etc.......all falling in our lap.

    I am so sick of his lying to me and don't know what it will take for me to ever trust him. He was home over the summer and supposed to be looking for work and I found out that over 2.5 months he had only applied for 2 JOBS!!!!!!

    I am horrified that we are looking at a long road ahead of recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse - perhaps endlessly. He is an only child and I am just really angry at his laziness, lack of motivation, and the prospect of a future of watching him go through this. He says he does not believe that alcoholism is genetic - which is good because I don't want him to use it as an excuse to keep moving back home with us.

    I am really too angry to cry, too mad to think, too frustrated to want to care, too tired of all of this............ If he does not take this rehab seriously, I don't know what we will do. We cannot afford any expensive treatment like this again..........

    Thanks for letting me rant....

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    BKS that is a long family history of substance abuse that it is hard to deny the genetic component. My ftaher is an alcoholic as was his father. My daughter is an alcoholic, as was her birthmother. Neither my husband or I or my other daughter drinks very much at all and alcohol has never bee a problem for us, we adopted her and she is following in her birthmother's footsteps without ever knowing anythng about her.

    But you are right, that does not give him an excuse since if you believe it is a disease just as diabetes then it is up to him to manage his life accordingly. If only it were that simple right?

    Addiction is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. I don't bame youfor being angry and tired of being lied to and stolen from. That was why we finally had to tell our daughter she had to find other living arrangement. We just couldn't live like prisoners with our money under our pillow and one eye open all night.

    And I so get your despair over the cycle of recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse. If it were not for my support group I may have gone mad but at least now I know I am not alone.

    Vent away.
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Vent all you like we are here for you! -RM
  4. BKS

    BKS New Member

    Thanks for the support. I told my husband last evening at least we have the ability to look into the future a bit and know what *may* be coming.

    My grandfather (who I never knew) drank in the early 1940's. He could not stop and from what I have heard a good portion of his income (for family of wife and 7 children) would go to his drinking. The family PLEADED with him to stop and in the end he committed suicide. It breaks my heart because there was no AA then, no programs, no rehab, and addiction was not understood as it is today.

    My mother's generation has had AA and drunk driving awareness, as well as the growth of rehab facilities since the 1970's when Betty Ford first sought treatment. My mother continues to drink and has never sought help.

    My husband and I are fortunate to know that my son could pull it together but we can also brace ourselves for many years of relapses and recovery.

    50 years from the now, perhaps the next generation will have an even better understanding of addiction and treatment.

    Just trying to look at the positives here........