New Member
New to this type thing, but need some support from somewhere. Will try to form a short version. Got with husband at 18. He had 3 children I raised. I lost 3, one died after childbirth, and I bore 2. Spent many years seeing only 4 walls and 5 kids. Spent rest waitressing, hauling pulp wood, and driving dump truck in construction.
Went back to college at 40 acquiring 3 associates degrees in 3 years. Graduated salutatoriun and working as paralegal for a state senator.
My daughter graduated at 16 and left for a party and didn't return for nearly a month. During that month I had 2 cervical surgeries. And was scheduled for hysterectomy. Daughter calls to let me know she is pregnant then she comes home for my surgery. After surgery the doctor goes to waiting room and tells her I have Lymphoma and that sent her over the edge.
While in hospital I learned by accident that when diagnosed as pregnant she had opiates, thx, and meth in her system. Second day of hospital stay I learn she drained my entire check from debit card. Disappeared again another month.
Husband came back. 2.5 years chemo, diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), neuropathy, cellulitis, and degenerative disk disease in lower back.
Skipping forward quickly. 21 year old daughter has a 2 and 4 year old that DHS took for 8 months in which time she refused to comply. My husband and I was given custody with her rights terminated June 2017. She lived over 2 years homeless shooting up and prostitution. Finally jailed for 3 months. Released in October, husband abandoned me and 2 babies in December leaving us destitute with my SSI still being denied. 26 year old son released may, 2018 from 3rd prison run for meth. Both joined rival gangs and are trying to have each other killed. Daughter living here being hone 1 night and gone next 3 to 5 because she is young and needs a life and I have custody of kids anyway. Well, both kids officially kicked to curb last night when they were so deep in drugs that daughter put hit out on son. They beat my son in my front yard with me and children sitting in window.
He is hiding from a pistol now. Son in return put out hot on daughter, she is in hiding.
Meanwhile I am left with 2 kids to raise on 600 a month, with both adult kids wheeling and dealing in the thousands, and husband in Texas with inflamed joints drawing 1800 for himself.
Even though I am apparently a dumpster to catch all the trash in life, I WILL NOT ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO KILL ME BECAUSE I AM SOMEONE AND I MATTER.
Apron strings are really hard to untie. I just pray I am strong enough to last.
I will be praying for you too.


Well-Known Member
I would like to reply to adalay first. Your situation is similar to mine my son is 36 and have struggled his whole life. He is diagnosed bipolar and has used many drugs and his drug of choice alchohol. He has called me every name imaginable. He has thrown things broken things and threatened me. I will be the first to admit that i worry about him because of his diagnosis but have heard and looked up many cases of people with bipolar who are successful. He needs to reach a point where he realizes he needs to accept help first to the addiction then the bipolar. In order for him to come to that realization you have to stop helping him. I agree with others if you can't shut your phone off at night because of other concerns block him or see if your phone has a do not disturb setting where you can choose whos calls come through. You set the time it begins and ends. If he starts getting nasty hang up and block. If he threatens call police. It is hard to deal with but he might get clean in jail. If he threatens take out a restraining order. Threatens suicide call police. I am not a fan of the legal system but sometimes it is all we have. Get yourself a therapist you feel good with. Do things you enjoy. Exercise long walks help me. Take classes for fun. My son has also refused to get out of my car, pull into a police station or get out of the car take the keys and walk away somewhere public. When mine was being an especially big pain. I had a spot by a lake about an hour away where i would go watch the sailboats. If he called i said i am not in town and quit taking his calls. If his girlfriend threatens call police you would probably be doing her parents a favor. Do not give him money and do not go to him if he is being belligerent. Prayers are with you.


Well-Known Member
Dumpster i am sorry for so many troubles you must be a very strong person. I suggest that you create your own thread so you can get the attention you deserve. Runaway bunny should be able to help.


Well-Known Member
Dumpster, I think you need your own thread too. Your issues are very serious and we would like to give you feedback. But you get a bigger response if you have a fresh post.


Well-Known Member
Dumpster, you are right. You matter. A lot. And you have two kids and need to stay alive.

As much as you love your kids, as we all do, they are dangerous to each other, your grands and you. It is very serious to have hits on people. I have a few possible suggestions.

First, if tou can move do so with no forwarding address. Change your phone number. Your kids are not just off the rails....they could be deadly. You cant save them but you can save yourself and your grandkids. I know you dont have much money. Maybe if you talk to social services or your church if you go to one you can get help finding a place to go and get safe.

My second suggestion is to go to your closest center for domestic abuse. Your kids are your family and they are threatening you. Spouse or adult child, it is still domestic abuse. You may get more help from them than anywhere else. I volunteered at one shelter and they offered free housing for a while, help job hunting or with benefits, counseling and they helped find places for women to rent. It was totally lock down safe. Nobody could get in. Nobody was told who stayed there.Kids could stay. The staff babysat when Mom had to go places or do things. Very caring community.

In this situation i feel you and those babies need to come first and be safe. Do what you must. Anything you can to be safe.

I am so sorry you have been treated this way. You did not deserve it. But you sound strong and you do matter very much!

Light and love!


Well-Known Member
Hi again dumpster. It sounds like you have your hands full. First of all i would say you need to make sure you and your grandchildren are safe. I would suggest that you get a restraining order for your son and daughter. They can not bring a gang war onto your property even if they didnt intend it you or the kids could get hurt or worse. I would cut all contact if possible. Maybe you could get a legal aid lawyer to help you with the ssi. I have been told it is sometimes necessary and that you have to keep trying. Your adult children are not looking out for you and if your daughter stole from you while you were hospitalized you owe her nothing. If they continue to bring violence to your home please call the police. Prayers are with you.


Well-Known Member
Any updates? I have been gone for a while. If the kids are placed with you, you should be receiving TANF. And possibly food assistance. Talk to a family support worker. If the children were placed by DHS, you should be getting benefits.

Please, please take care of yourself. Also call an attorney and see if they can get money from your husbands SS.



Oh yes kick them out. You deserve a safe life. But also, your grandkids deserve a safe, stable life. Personally my approach though was to keep the younger ones in ignorance as much as possible.. Not watching it. But circumstances can be unavoidable.

As to money... You have a skill you need to use. Get state subsidized day care with all the safeties in place. Like they can't release kids to anyone but you! Apply for food stamps and everything else you can.

Become a lion mom to those grandcubs! You can't fix anybody but yourself and the grandcubs give the others a list of places to find help and that's it. Bolt your doors. Buy lots of extra window locks. Move if you can! But you need to protect those cubs so they don't grow up thinking that's normal life.


Active Member
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are amongst friends here who understand, are shoulders to cry on, we all listen and know your pain. Sometimes life is so overwhelming and it's hard but the above post all have something in common with the advice given you - those babies depend on you and thus you must safeguard you and them. If you don't look after yourself it will not help them. Focus on those precious babies as a positive in your life .The weight of the world is on your shoulders right now and you need to breathe and ask for help from community sources. There must be some agency out there that will advocate for you. I hope you continue to log on this forum and we are here to support you.