Impending Stress

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 24, 2010.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My parents' best friend, M, is in town or will be very soon. She and my mother were driving here from OH. A substantial part of me is dreading this visit. Her son is between gfgbro and I in age and for many years we were raised like siblings.

    She is going to try to push me into "reconciling" with gfgbro, most likely by applying enormous amounts of guilt. I have gotten pretty good at ignoring the guilt trips, but it isn't easy. M is one person who my gfgbro would call when he was upset with me. Then she would tell my mom her version of what gfgbro said, which generally was even more dramatic than gfgbro's version. This inevitably resulted in many many attempts to make me apologize, even when I had no clue he was upset with me, or why.

    I also need to figure out how to keep them from pumping Jessie. She has been so close to panic attacks and nightmares after the day he "dropped by" to celebrate her birthday with us!!! We told him not to come over, told him that we wanted NO interaction and to NOT come over, but he did anyway. He had his daughter come up to the door while he stayed out of sight, so the kids opened the door. Niece is friends with the girl next door and they thought there was a problem over there and she needed help.

    husband was asleep on the couch and I was in bed with a migraine. I thought husband was awake so I kept Jess and thank you with me because thank you was shaking with fear and tears were running down his face. Gfgbro did NOT attempt to wake husband, he just walked to each of the kids' rooms and pounded on their doors while calling their names. I thought staying with the kids to help them cope was a LOT more important than going out to speak to him, esp given I thought husband was awake.

    thank you just shrugs and says he doesn't have a clue, so he rarely gets interrogated, thankfully!

    Thanks for letting me vent. Any suggestions on how to handle M and her efforts to make me make nice with gfgbro are welcome.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    "I appreciate your concern, but the problem has grown much larger than you can know from Ohio, and for now, this is the best way for my family to handle it. Please respect that." ~ And lock the door.

    Ya know, I get that people don't always get along...what I don't get is people that think people should always get along...

    Sorry she's coming and will add to the drama-load.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks. I am going to practice what you are saying. The kids know that if they see niece they will see gfgbro, so from now on they will not open the door. If he comes over again I intend to get a restraining order - even if it means not seeing my parents for a few years. I will hate that, but it is what it is.

    i am with you on not understanding why we are all supposed to "get along". Gfgbro and I have almost NOTHING in common, other than having the same parents and having lived in the same house for years. We don't like the same books, music. food, movies, activities, vehicles, etc... But somehow we are still supposed to "get along", even if it means I have to suppress my opinions, ideas and interests so he doesn't "get upset".

    Whoever invented that rule needs to share the crack, 'cuz otherwise he makes no sense!
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I've never been one of those people who would put up with a family feud, regardless of the reason, but Susie, yours isn't a feud, it's self preservation!

    And FWIW, I told husband a couple of weeks ago - if father in law or mother in law said anything insensitive, they would not be welcome in my home. For a VERY LONG TIME. So I get your point of view on this. And I agree - Ohio is 800 miles from Oklahoma (I have reason to know this, too), and M canNOT know how big the issue is. If she starts - usher her out. Bye, nice to see you. Sorry, that's not on the agenda. Have a nice life.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with the others. I love you for caring but I am handling this in the best way possible for myself and my family and I appreciate your respecting my boundaries.