IOP

[tryingtobestrong]

Well, he quit IOP.... Said he wasn't getting anything out of it. He missed 3 times in the last 3 weeks and wasn't allowed to miss anymore.
Said he didn't have any friends that he hung with there... Funny, 2 weeks ago he went to the mall with the group, to lunch and to a game...

He said he wants to have a home group that he can go to for AA or CA and this way he can go to them.
Still self harming. still has the attitude, still punishing himself for how he treated his ex all those years and that she left him. Says his feelings are still the same after 6 months even with being sober..

I'm leaving this week to go with my daughter for a grad school interview and hope I can just focus on her and have a great time. He is in another state so it would just be him reaching out through text or calls. I don't want to deal with him. Last week he barely text me so I knew something was up.

Still talks about suicide and hating life.
I have done all I can. I wanted to tell him he has lied so many times about what he "will do" like volunteering and service work but I didn't. Should have I? I reminded him that he refused sober living but said he would do IOP and now he is quitting that.

Still is taking his naltrexone and antidepressants. Not sure if they will allow him to see the psychiatrist at the IOP since that is also where he did the residential treatment. If not, he will need to find a new one of them and they don't take insurance.

I'll keep giving it to God because that is all I can do.

 

[Smithmom]

Yes that's all you can do.

All rehabs care about patients, current or former. Few rehabs have full time psychiatrists. These docs work elsewhere as well. Rehab will refer him to other place(s) where doctor works as well as other clinics.

 

[Elsi]

Trying, I’m so sorry. You’re right - this is out of your hands. And always was. His life, his choices - no matter how self destructive. You have been there and offered as much love and support as any parent can give. The rest is up to him now. I pray he’ll continue to move forward, even without IOP, and start to get through this paralyzing depression and guilt.

 

[tryingtobestrong]

I wanted to give an update and ask for opinions...
He called the following night and said that he emailed his counselor at IOP and said that he made a huge mistake by leaving IOP and could tell that night that he missed sharing and the rest of the meeting. She met with him and said she would give him options on Wednesday (yesterday) via email. He said he could go back into their IOP if he started at week 1. We told him we were extremely proud of him and that it was huge that he realized that he made a mistake and that it was actually helpful.
I haven't heard anything from him now though. I so want to text or call him and see what he has decided but my counselor said to let him be. This is his recovery and he needs to own it. I found him a counselor to talk to that is from the same state back east who moved to his state and I know he would like that but my counselor said not to share that information yet just to sit tight and see where he goes...
UGH... I get nervous that he will go back to the booze but he seems to not want to do that life. However, his depression and cutting is not getting better. He refuses to tell his counselor at IOP about his cutting for fear she will 302 him.
I know God is working and I need to be patient. He is making progress and I should follow my counselors advice but oh it is so hard esp. when the counselor I found seems like she could really help him.
My counselor said not to reach out to him...
I am going away today until Sunday to be with my daughter as she interviews for a grad school down south. I am a complete mess inside. I need to be there 100% for her but then I keep thinking about my son and if he has a meltdown, etc.

 

[Elsi]

This is his recovery and he needs to own it.

I think this is the insight you need to hold onto right now.

He is going through a very hard thing. It is going to be hard. Depression can take months to lift. What he is experiencing is partly biochemical from changes his brain is going through while it adjusts to sobriety and partly situational as he works though his feelings of guilt, regret and sadness about the past.

As parents we cannot walk this walk for them. Sometimes not even with them. It is his path, and he needs to walk it. As parents we can give encouragement and be there for them when they find their way out of the woods. You are doing that. He knows you care, and you have given him your best words of wisdom. That is huge. You are giving him breadcrumbs to find his way back. But he still needs to take the journey, and it’s going to take time. It may take many months. It may take a year. He is on his own timetable, and it is not in our power to rush things along for him.

He’s still sober. He has reached back out to IOP. He is working through the ramifications of his past actions. Those are all big things. He has made it this far. You have a lot of reasons to believe he’s going to continue to stay on the path of sobriety.

Go on your trip and enjoy your time with your daughter. She needs you too and deserves your undivided attention for a bit. It’s not always easy being the ‘good’ child either.

 

[BusynMember]

We do usually think we have the right answers. If we did, our loved ones would be fixed. You dont know if the counselor who worked for you would be a great fit for son, especially if it is one of the opposite sex. He has to pick his own counselors and his way of quitting and, yes, even his time to quit. You really cant stop a relapse yet you dont know that he isnt sober still.

My son who is my hardest child always says "I cant stand not knowing. Its torture." This is where he struggles the most....when there are answers but he doesnt have them yet. It IS hard but we cant always be informed. If your son wants you to know what is going on, he will contact you. So it makes sense to wait and see, although it is hard, because he knows how to get in touch with you and will when he wants to.

My son can be difficult. Often its a relief when he doesnt call to give me the latest drama. There is nothing I can do about it anyway.

Your daughter deserves your full attention. Her accomplishment is great. Why give part of your brain to your son when your daughter needs her mother in her time of great triumph? Sometimes I think we spent too much mind space on those who trouble us and not enough on those who are there for us with joy and kindness.

Kudos to your amazing daughter!! Grad school! Smart young woman! May she thrive and meet all her goals! What is her Major?

Love and light!