I agree with a curfew, but sometimes there are extraordinary circumstances, especially for teens. Or ones THEY think are extraordinary.
easy child used to sometimes talk to a friend of hers who would ring up, suicidal. She would get upset and sometimes come and get me, because the kids always knew that if they had a nightmare or were upset in the night, to at least involve me rather than cry alone. No crying wolf, though! Sometimes easy child would persuade her friend to talk to me - it was worth it, in terms of my own needs, because I had a better chance of talking the girl down soon enough for us ALL to get some sleep.
Also, difficult child 1's girlfriend sometimes calls in the middle of the night if she's really upset - had another bad fight with her mother in manic mode.
And this morning, I was talking to easy child 2/difficult child 2 about arrangements for her birthday banquet. She said she's paying for her friend to come too, because friend can't afford it - friend might not even have anything to wear, because her mother has locked her out of the house and had the locks changed. We talked about the situation a bit more and really, this poor kid is trying to support her friend and also help mediate. Now, after today's chat, easy child 2/difficult child 2 is trying to think how she can get her friend to visit, so I can talk to her and try to come up with some responsible strategies (since her mother doesn't seem to be behaving very responsibly right now). The mother has a track record - any confrontation on the home front, she throws the kid out then changes the locks. And I base this on my own experience of the mother. She's unhappy, a bundle of emotions, and doesn't cope with a crisis at all. The daughter is going to have to be the mature one here - and I'm not sure easy child 2/difficult child 2 will be able to help on her own. Very sticky, and a valid reason for late night/early morning calls.
Kids in their teens, especially PCs, are trying to develop their maturity. Of course, they still have a long way to go and yes, they do often show poor judgement, but they need to try, so they can learn. easy child will be tired, but if she has helped her friend she may feel at least partly justified in breaking the rules. If you can not shout at her but leave room for communication with her about it, she might be able to discuss with you, what was so all-fired important that it couldn't wait until a sensible time of day. I learnt that as soon as I got critical, the kid would clam up. But staying open meant I had a chance to help them find a better strategy for next time. So next time suicidal friend rang, easy child was able to pass on some of the comments I had given her, as well as talk to hr the next day to reassure herself that she was now OK. She also suggested that after a certain time of night, she call Lifeline (a reputable telephone counselling line) because then she'd be talking to an impartial, wide-awake adult instead of an exhausted friend.
I have to be open to them, even though I do want them to get their sleep. The rules are - please try to avoid any incoming calls after 9.30 pm. If it's a matter of life or death and someone wants you to call, tell them for future reference to send you a text message to your mobile phone, and you ring them back from our phone. That way OUR sleep isn't disturbed by a ringing telephone next to our ear. And if you ARE on the phone at some appalling hour, keep it quiet so nobody's sleep is disturbed. And if the problem is too big a crisis for you to handle, wake MUM quietly, not Dad - he has to go to work in the morning, preferably not overtired. If he's overtired, it can mean the potential for some spectacularly nasty mistakes.
I wouldn't recommend this except to parents of teens, preferably PCs, who are already trying to use the judgement we've given them, even if we don't think they're using it wisely. When we've tried to teach our kids to be compassionate and caring, it's hard to fault them, IF that is behind it all.
And a crisis has to be a REAL crisis, not "OMG, I haven't got a THING to wear on the school excursion tomorrow!! And I do SO want Matt to notice me!!! Can I PLEASE, please borrow your velour sweater?" That is NOT justified at 3 am!
Marg