It should have been my 17th Anniversary today...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I don't know why but it's driving me nuts. difficult child 1 is back in the hospital, difficult child 2 is acting like a creep and difficult child 3 wanted me to take her to a party while I went to see difficult child 1, BUT she pulled a disappearing act this morning and I couldn't find her for 1/2 hour (she's 8 years old and has been doing this all summer.). They're giving me lip about their chores, their rooms are a pigsty and I just can't deal with this **** anymore.

    Why is this bugging me so much? I don't get it...

    Everyone around here said that they'd "be here for me". I have become a family pariah. If I get one more lecture from my sister about how I should be treating AH, I'm going to scream. My Dad is on my back about smoking - I actually got snippy with HIM today - I guess I'm sick and tired of everyone having an opinion about how to run my life, my kids and my household without giving me a little space to just run through things.

    I had AH on the phone the other night going off about how he "doesn't hate me". WTF? I told him he's a better person than I because right now I hate him. Plain and simple. Right now I hate him and it feels pretty good. Later on I'll pity him, but right now I hate him. I'm entitled to feel that way. I'm a better person than to hold on to the hate for any period of time, but be his friend? Not happening. I only befriend those whom I respect and I don't have an ounce of respect for him.

    But I swear, if people don't stop criticizing EVERYTHING that I do or don't get done, I'm going to end up going ballistic on someone, I really will.

    Thanks for letting me vent...

  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Beth, I totally hear ya. Been there a time or two (or ten) myself. Isn't it frustrating that people love to be couch critics? I know the feeling of snapping peoples heads off (example: with your dad today) and not feeling good about it yet needing to show them that you can't take it anymore, won't etc.

    Answers? I haven't got any. But I totally do understand. I think there is something to be said for just point blank asking those who are driving you nuts with this stuff to just STOP. A simple "Okay, I'm happy you have opinions on MY life, but I'm equally uninterested in hearing them. I will ask you once to keep them to yourselves and if you choose to continue perhaps we can simply sit down over tea and take turns telling each other what we REALLY think about one anothers choices and actions in their lives. If it isn't a two way street, we should just NOT GO THERE". ;)

    You are correct that you absolutely have a right to your own feelings and I'm sorry so much is happening around you to aggravate you. I hope it gets better. (((hugs)))
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol you always make me laugh even when your mad!! :)

    you are soo healthy it's sickening!! you are soo right you have every right to be angry right now. it comes in stages just like everything else does in life. your in this stage now and when your ready you will gravitate to the next one or knowing you breeze into it. although i'm sure you will think your tripping into it.

    kids are all freaking out because their difficult child's but because there's change happening and you know how kids hate change. it will get better. and i'm not just saying that becaues it's the thing to say to you right now. it truly does. and vent away it's soo good for you at this point to get it out.

    as far as family when i divorced mine did same until i finally planted them all, set my boundaries and in a few words told them where to go, what i needed from them and if they could not provide that they know where to go. family is just that way, yet during times of crisis one need not criticize you on anything.......

    so scream, yell, vent away, try to curse on here i have it gets bleeped out lol but you are going to be great in time as so are those kids of yours. just keep taking deep breaths. by the way its' bothering you today the anniversary because it's supposed to. it's all normal stuff.

  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok maybe this tale will help..... when i divorced my pyscho ex i was mixed up, i was so sad about the seperation because it was the end of a dream i had in my head of the life we had the life i thought we would keep having, etc. difficult child was just a baby, i had no job, yet i opened the door and out he went. we tried counseling, etc. nothing worked. he was just nuts by the way :) not me!!

    anyhow, i had difficult child who back than was as much a handful as she is now, climbing out of crib broke her arm a mos. into my seperation 4 hr surgery to repair her, easy child was acting out like you wouldnt' believe, i had a lump in my breast at the time that i had an appointment for, had made it prior to seperation. granted you have alot more kids than i did!! lol.

    long story short was worst time of my life, no job, no money, ex h took our truck becasue he was being a *****, i find out i need breast surger a partial masectomy, difficult child is in hospital getting surgery, easy child is melting down and hitting kids in school, my mom was busy telling me how to do things and when to do them and boom my landlord rasied my rent by 500 in private house we rented to try to get me out!!!

    i took myself down to beach one day, stood there screamed yelled cried threw sand, god only knows what ppl watching must of thought :) and it was raining out also. i was soaking wet basically freaking out. than suddenly the sun came out, made no sense and to be honest i'm not a religious person at all, more spiritual. well i stood there warm sun on me, i was covered in boogers (for lack of better words lol ), sand, tears, rain a total mess. yet at that moment i knew i was giong to be ok one way or another.

    i than; planted my family, got my breast removed or most of it, fixed difficult child's arm, got easy child to stop beating kids in school, found two jobs after i recovered from surgery, moved to smaller apartment. it suxed bigtime!

    yet mos. after the turmoil i sat one night alone in my living room, kids in their room with a cup of tea. no drama, no bs, just me. it was beautiful and although girlfriend'gs always well been difficult child i became a new me. it was like my old skin fell away and the new skin grew. i felt better than i'd ever felt before, i felt powerful, the whole i am woman thing going on!!

    point of me sharing is to really show you it gets better. and especially when your at a piont where better seems literally impossible.

  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs, Beth.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I found your post, short, negative, and petty. (snort) Did you write that while you were SMOKING? Or were you having a tequila sunrise?

    Seriously B? You need my newest invention - Ronco NEVER had anything like this - It's not the veg-o's the B-omatic. Yes sir.....You put all your problems in the handy dandy invention - and

    OUT comes -

    A perfect child
    A loving husband
    A wonderful job
    A reason to smoke
    A less critical parent
    A twinkie thats literally fat free
    A debt free society
    A humble honest used car sales man
    A maid that loves cleaning your home
    A way to catch and release spiders
    A marketable dish for butter cricket soup
    A place to bury AH x's
    A money tree

    And the applications to this go on and on

    Buy two today and receive completey free the travel B-Omatic! Take it with you to soccer fields, have that difficult team Mother - NO PROBLEM - point the B-Omatic at her and Voila - Instantly transform yourself to LEAD TEAM MOM - and her to WATER BOY.

    Hurry and get yours today -

    (don't be petty dang it - GET ONE NOW) .........point it at anyone you .........(*poof)

    tag, tax and pretty, girly wrapping paper NOT include.......(oh I see you pointed the machine at ME and GOT your wrapping paper - GOOD thinnin')

    Hugs & Love
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I only befriend those whom I respect and I don't have an ounce of respect for him.

    If more people held to that, we'd all have better friendships.

    But I swear, if people don't stop criticizing EVERYTHING that I do or don't get done, I'm going to end up going ballistic on someone, I really will.

    Yes, not at all the same thing as "being there for you." What do people think when they promise those things? It's a brief emotional knee-jerk response with no backbone.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Beth - first - MANY gentle hugs.

    I can see how you are feeling alone and overwhelmed. And ya know? The kids do, too. No child likes change, and when you have a difficult child? Whew. Kaplooie!

    My advice - tell one of those people that are "there for you" that you need them. Caveats though - you need THEIR help, but you cannot listen to any more advice about your situation with AH - or the kids - because you're overwhelmed. You just don't want to talk about it. Have them help with the difficult children. If you can? Run away for a day. Yes, be available for crises - but make sure all involved understand that if it ISN'T a crisis, heads are gonna roll. Make them leave voice mails for you instead of picking up the phone.

    As for difficult child 3? Disappearing acts are not allowed. Just tell her - I love you and when I can't find you I get really worried. I'm sad that you vanish on me. (FWIW, "sad" seems to work better than "mad"...)

    More hugs - and for goodness' sake, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!
  10. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    aww sweets, I haven't been on the boards for a long time, I think when I was last here you'd just separated from your H, are you D'd yet? I have been D'd for 1 1/2 years now. <<<Hugs>>>
  11. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Um, Beth, I think this means you're still human.

    We put up with koi that would send others running from the room screaming in about 2 seconds. For us it's the new normal. So we go along day-to-day and put up with it because we have to. But sometimes we're reminded that life shouldn't be like this and it bugs us. Or puts us over the edge, lol.

    I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. But feel free to vent away.
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Beth, there are just days when it's too much. There will be days you'll feel blessed as well. I'm glad you got that off your chest - you needed to vent. We are here with a shoulder at all times.
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs, Beth.

    When folks get married, they are dreaming of happily ever after with 1.5 kids, a dog, a little white house with a picket fence - not three difficult child's, an AH for a spouse, and a looming divorce.

    Its ok to mourn a passing dream.

    Hugs and love.
  14. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Thanks all of you. For all of the "shots in the arm". It was one of those days that just twisted my knickers "just so". AH hasn't shown up at the psychiatric hospital. for difficult child 1 once, nor has he called. The kid is running me ragged and difficult child 2 and 3 had just hacked me to no end.

    I think what got my goat was that all I kept getting from the little pill was that "I don't want you to hate me" "I want to be friends" "I don't want you to badmouth me to the kids" (that's the MOST insulting - I've never done ANYTHING like that! - I'm just letting him sink his own ship!) yet he didn't have the nerve to call and see how I was doing for the day - he knew I'd be upset - a FRIEND would make the call. He didn't call ANY of the kids all weekend long - he's only done a handful of what I call "drive by's" where he comes, does a load of laundry and leaves. About 1/2 of that time is spent yelling at them - I guess I should lighten up - at the beginning of this mess, he spent the WHOLE time yelling at them.

    I know that you're all right - the fact that so many of you have been through all of this and come out the other side better, stronger, faster (you bionic women know who you are!) helps so much. I guess I miss having a "partner in crime". As it stands right now, I'm being presented with the option of putting difficult child 1 in a psychiatric hospital. a possible Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) OR a boarding school - and no one to bounce all of this off. I'm sick to death of all of this landing on my shoulders without someone there to use as a sounding board.

    To top it all off, I found a guy to reglaze the bathtub very inexpensively and the twit just called me tonight and said he decided not to take the job (the appointment. is for 9:00 tomorrow morning) since he just now figured out that I wasn't in Brooklyn. Hello!!! We talked for 20 mins. about where I live two weeks ago!!! I scrubbed that bathroom like a madman so that it would be ready to go. Now I wanted to fix the sheetrock (over 4 years ago difficult child 2 was playing "Pirate Prisoner" in there, put his wrists up through the towel bar and was yelling "arrrrggghhh", slipped and tore the thing clear off the wall and tore the paper off the sheetrock - AH was FURIOUS!!!) take down the ugliest border known to man and repaint and then regrout the tub walls. Now I'm at a standstill because this DOPE cancelled.

    I just wish they'd stop peeing on my head and tell me it's raining. Somethings GOTTA give!

    Thank you in advance for allowing me to continue on this path of "whoa is me". I'm not used to feeling this way and my patience is at an ebb.

  15. Jena

    Jena New Member


    your going to be ok, and you know it!! :) and whoa is you all you want. its' all good. this will be your i'm going to say what's ****** me off today thread. :) and bounce the ideas off here. iknow what you mean though, but you were probably the brains behind the whole thing anyway