I've elected to .......Chapter 2 is now the new Chapter 1.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by kennedyland, May 16, 2013.

  1. kennedyland

    kennedyland New Member

    There is a delightful book called "The Dancing Wu Lee Masters" by Gary Zukov that is a zen approach to quantum physics. Basically it's physics without the math. As a zen approach the belief is that everyday we are at the start of our journey. Everything in the past - be it distant past or an hour ago - is simply preparation for the moment. Hence, when you open the book, every chapter is called "Chapter One". If you haven't followed my posts I'll give a brief summary before jumping in with the latest events.
    My son is a drug addict and has been for 14 years. I've been patient and loving, gone to ALANON all this time, and hoped he'd get it together. Two months ago I hit the wall and refused to talk to or see him until he sought treatment and was sober. That stirred up the mud and my ex-wife and daughter ran to his defense. He sent me a series of crude and insulting texts. On and on, blah, blah, blah, if you want to read it all go to "I've elected not to talk to or see my son....". Anyway, I got a call from him on Monday saying he is going to a treatment center in Wyoming on Saturday. We made plans to get together yesterday afternoon.

    Well, like people say,"if you want to make God laugh, make a plan."

    I went over to his house to meet him at 2 p.m. I knocked. No answer. Knocked again, the dog barked but no answer. Knocked a third time. More barking, but clearly nobody was home. I called him. "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got called in early to work. Can I call you at 4:30?" I said sure. I also said I could come to where he works (he's a bartender) but he said no. So I waited. 4:30 came and went. I called him at 5:10 and got his voice mail. At 5:45 I got a text saying he got tied up and would call later. (Why he didn't simply call is a mystery.) I called him, no answer. I sent a text saying I couldn't meet him later, that the next day (today) would be better. He called and said "something came up" and that's why we couldn't get together that afternoon. I asked what it was. He "something came up" again and wouldn't elaborate. So I said we could meet today. He said no because he was waiting for his mom to give him the plans for his trip on Saturday. We made plans for tomorrow at noon. Frankly, I'll believe it when I see it.

    In other words, nothing seems to have changed in the past two months. This kind of nonsense is what drove me up the wall in March. I'm glad he's going into a program, but I have the feeling he had little to do with the arrangement of any of this. I was hoping he'd set it up, get his own airplane ticket, and so on. It seems his mom is doing it all and he's just going on for the ride. I hope this works out, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Until it's self-motivated and the desire is from his own heart, it's just a walk through the funhouse.

    For my part, I'm fine. I'm not going to get sucked into his drama. I just shook my head, laughed, and went to join some friends last night for a music jam. Stay tuned, I'll let you know what happens/doesn't happen/ whatever (circle one) tomorrow.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My first reaction would be that he was out for one last binge.....or a string on binges the lead up to the front door of the treatment program. That's not unusual and in fact is very common.

    Keep us posted when you find out if he actually arrives.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I love that zen philsophy!!! It's a great way of looking at life :)

    I think your attitude is terrific and I do hope for the best!
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I am glad you posted about this, Kennedyland. I hope your son does go in for treatment and that everything comes up roses from here. But it is good to know that other parents who understand what this feels like are on the scene.

    Wishing well and waiting to hear.

  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I too hope he goes to treatment, no matter how he gets there. Although I agree it probably wont stick completely until he wants it, I do think some might stick and may make it easier for him to get there eventually.

    I too wondered almost immediately if he was out using because his behavior screamed of that... and given that he is going into treatment and has a date for that the use right before hand is pretty typical. However very frustrating for you given that you have reached out to him.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I also meant to say I think you have a great attitude... if you get to see him before you go just let him know you love him.... and if you dont then it is his loss.

  7. kennedyland

    kennedyland New Member

    I'm supposed to see him at noon today. If he is binging - and I don't doubt he is - I'll give the odds at 50/50 that we'll actually get together. If he's high I'm cutting it short.
  8. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    You go, Kennedyland! :O) Let us know how it all turns out.

  9. kennedyland

    kennedyland New Member

    Well, we had lunch. He didn't seem high. He knows absolutely nothing about where he is going, not even the name, which leads me to believe he didn't have a thing in setting it up. His mom is paying his rent while he's gone, for the treatment, and the airplane ticket. I get the feeling he's just going along for the ride, but who knows? It might work out. I have heard nothing about his desire to get off drugs, or any remorse for his drug use. Indeed, he is insistent that pot should be legal. I asked if he wanted to call his stepmom and say goodbye, but he said, "no". That she interferes with his life and his sisters life and he doesn't want anything to do with her. It's too bad. She really love him and his sister, goes to ALANON twice a week to deal with his addiction issues, and wishes him the best. Step-parent issues are tough. He said he'd let me know where he is once he gets to the treatment center. He'll be there for at least a month. I wished him good luck and we said we love each other. I give this little adventure a one in three chance of success. If he's there, but doesn't really try, it's just another delay factor. For my part I went to a poetry reading this evening and read from my book. I'm not going to sit around worrying about things out of my control.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well this is progress from where you started when you first came here and weren't even speaking. And his mother obviously realizes he has a drug problem so it's not just you. And he is going to treatment even if not willingly. All of that is good.

    I applaud you for taking care of yourself.
  11. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    i hope your son benefits from this place. You are a very wise man. All those years in Alanon have served you well.

    i haven't seen that Zukav book. Sounds fascinating. Thanks!