Just my thoughts on why we keep coming back here

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 21, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am one of the longest active members. When I first started here my kids were small and most of the parents had small kids. It was friendlier and busier before social media.

    My kids are grown. Most of yhe.posts are about older drug addicts or very.disturbed/disabled kids over 20. My problem adult kids are down to one and most of the time he isn't hard to handle as he is far away and can support himself. I have come to a place of extreme peace and have become spiritual and certain that we are here to love, forgive and learn goodness for lessons of our eternal soul. I didn't believe in forgiveness once unless it was asked for, but now I feel it is mandatory. I have changed a lot. Even from age 50 to now. We can all change and make our lives better.

    I don't even believe we die in consciousness but have eternal conscious energy and many lives. I am tied to no religion but to everyone. Hard to explain but very comforting. So I no longer spend life in depression and anxiety and we can all find our own path to serenity. It is your own path but I believe we all can find one.

    So what draws me here still? Well, my biggest reason is that I do think I have learned how to be peaceful a bad situation and try to share. Twenty years ago I was a hot mess of depression and anxiety and wish to explain how I came out the other side...it is not necessarily any belief system. It is learning acceptance of all and to let go of the ego...the thing that tells us to worry. We all have a higher, best mind that knows we can do well...and that we are all winners and beautiful. This does not even require a belief in any higher being. But...

    In the end I like it.here. People are trying to help each.other through very hard times. We are giving our most compassionate selves to others and I love this. It is unusual and great


    Ok, just my thoughts. Thanks to all of you kind, brave people who stick around for others. I value all of you. And that's all I have to say. No messages need be posted here.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 24, 2017
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I've been here a very long time as well. I'm terrible with dates. But, I know it is likely over ten years.

    I went through a period of time, that almost all I thought about was our difficult child. I went to therapy to help me get to a better place. At one point I simply had to ask my Higher Power to take this burden from me because it was frankly, just tooooo much. And coming here was OFTEN VERY helpful and still is.

    For me, I recognize that not a lot of people fully understand how DIFFICULT having a child with Bipolar illness can be. Throw in some likely issues with her adoption, and maybe some having to do with her brain surgery....it gets complicated and profoundly difficult. I recall a doctor one time, actually not known for compassion, told me he had a patient with this illness and it was such a bizarre and very sad experience and even though he tried his best, he had to tell the patient to stop coming in because she caused such a ruckus in his office. I recall another doctor tell me one time, that he had a patient with this illness that even as an adult would come in with her parents. But, she wasn't inclined to take medical advice or live in a healthy manner and she died young and it was disturbing for him. Yet another...a physician (I kid you not) who had a sister who adopted a mentally ill child and while the doctor told me the story, she started to cry.
    One more...a former neighbor who moved to a bigger house. She sat down and told me about her Uncle. OMG....her uncle has Bipolar Illness and has been basically abandoned by the entire family, including her mother, the uncle's sister. This neighbor has gone above and beyond trying to help the Uncle, yet one day he took a swing at her a narrowly missed her face and she wasn't sure she could continue helping him.

    All these people (especially the last one) have brought me comfort. they know. As you all know and take the time to empathize.

    All of you here, have brought me comfort...because no way in hexx would the general public understand the profound stress, difficulties, strain, heartache, turmoil having a mentally ill child takes on a person and family.

    It took a very long time, but I am so glad that I'm at a better place. If for no other reason, I HAD to get here due to my health issues (autoimmune stuff).

    Just thanking everyone as well. Thank you for sticking around.

    Ooopss...just saw where you said no messages need to be posted.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nomad, no, I appreciate your thoughts too. It's not necessary to post but its ok. I loved your post. Thank you too
     
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  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I originally joined in 2003 when Ferb was 5 years old. At that time, he had been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. I read every single parenting book in the library and was desperate for answers. The people here helped me to troubleshoot the issues I had, guided me toward more resources, and in some cases offered babysitting services in real life.

    The people here understand hardship and don't judge. They are kind, encouraging, and in many cases more knowledgeable than the real life professionals. There is always someone around for support no matter what the problem is: large, small, tricky, or earth shattering.

    I'm really glad that you guys are "around". :morethanchocolate:
     
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  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I joined Thanksgiving night in 1999 under a long forgotten username. At the time, middle son was in K and I was at my wit's end. He is now 22, on a "break" from college and still his own worst enemy.

    I have learned so much here and come back often to see how the other oldtimers are doing.
     
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  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I came here a few years back when my son was diagnosed with "conduct disorder" at 15 when his problems first started. I had no idea what that diagnosis meant and a search on the internet brought me here. I posted one post and moved on and we struggled with our son for many years.

    I somehow ended up back here last year. I honestly don't know HOW that happened as this site was long forgotten in my life turmoil. I honestly think my higher power brought me here because we were literally at our wits end and desperate for answers and hopeless. There is no deeper pain than feeling hopeless when it comes to someone you love. And someone remembered me. It was Leafy. I couldn't believe it.

    Coming here gave me ideas and STRENGTH and HOPE. I do not think any ONE thing had as much impact on the journey we were on with our son as THIS FORUM. I love coming here to share my story and the wisdom I have gained and also to continue to learn from others every day. Now I'm addicted to this forum and all of you and that's not a bad thing!
    :friendsforever:
     
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  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I so appreciate this site, SWOT. I love who I am here, and the people I've met here and most of all, I love the ways I've changed and grown, here. I am not here so often anymore, but I cherish coming back and checking in and catching up with all my people, who mean as much to me as those I love in real life.

    Cedar
     
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  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I've been here, off and on, since about 2000. Many things have changed, both with the site and with Miss KT. Back then, the issues were more about behaviors and less about drug addiction/abuse. I suppose that's a sign of the times, unfortunately.

    I check in, though I don't post much, because I understand the quiet (and not so quiet) desperation of the moms and dads who only want the best for their children. Because drug addiction was not our issue, I don't have advice to offer on that subject.
     
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  9. Just a short quick and sweet response in regards to your honest and open post.....THANK YOU
     
  10. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I've been around on this board for probably more than 20 years. When my kids were little, you all helped keep me sane. As they grew, I got lots of good advice and, at times, I felt that the people here were the only friends I had that somehow understood something of what I was going through. I even attended a get together of some of the members in Las Vegas; that was well over 10 years ago. Over the years, I have come back less and less but I still check in occasionally. I see it has been a couple of years since I have updated my info. Older difficult child is doing well and younger one is not. Same old, same old. It is good to see old friends and make a few new ones. I credit this board with preserving what little sanity I have.
     
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  11. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Thank you SWOT on the thoughts. I joined 1 yr ago, but had read posts for a while. I'm not too good with sharing my dirty laundry so I needed to be sure this was safe for me emotionally. Now, I read a lot, post a little and feel much better. We had a huge "thing" with Difficult Child last month and I thought about posting but realized we were doing OK. A huge realization, in that we were "handling it" pretty effectively...and I guess that is the crux. I wouldn't have believed this possible a year ago. All of your support made me feel so much less alone. I felt if you all had lived, so would I. Is the situation better with my son? No. But we are better. Here's to all the parents out there who get up each day and do the right thing-and then get up the next day and do it again. You are my heroes. Prayers.
     
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  12. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    SWOT, just beautiful. I am grateful for your input and wisdom of your experiences. I don't comment much on other peoples posts because my thoughts feel a bit worthless when I am still trying to figure stuff out myself but I read and I feel for everyone that has even had to look for a place like this. I am glad I found you and everyone else that has offered their help. xxx
     
  13. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    SWOT thank you and everyone else who has posted. I joined quietly about 8 months ago and was hesitant to share my story as well. I now feel safe and come to this site every day to give me inspiration from people who "know". this site is a gift and is a "soft landing place".
     
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  14. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I'm so grateful for this site and for the people that come here to support each other. It's such a gift to have a place to safely vent, and know that there are fellow travelers that have been in the journey before me, or are in the middle of it. It's so hard to explain to other people who have children or relatives without these kinds of challenges that we face. The lack of judgement is so refreshing and is really the only way forward for us: judge less, love more.
     
  15. TweetyD

    TweetyD New Member

    SWOT.........very well said.......so heartfelt. From one Wisconsinite to another....I have learned a lot from all the posts. This is a great group of very caring people.
     
  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    SWOT from one hot mess of a mom to you the sage one who has passed through the eye of this storm and not only survived but thrived. Thanks for sticking around. You have been compassionate, kind and kicked by but when I needed it. I know there are better days ahead. It gives me hope. If not for my son, then simply for me.
    :yourock:
     
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    So glad I found you here. Sad we need to be here, but am so so grateful.
     
  18. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I can't believe how long I have been here -- I just tried to work it out. His encopresis stopped when he was thirteen and a half, and when I joined we were deep in the throes of coping (or not coping!) with it. Today he is 31. Is that possible? So many years here?

    I think this support group saved my life. I was deeply depressed coping with my son who had encopresis and was ODD (still is, I think). We had a very rough ride with him, but we were so very lucky because he didn't get in any trouble with the police, and he didn't become an addict. And then about seven years ago he took himself off to Australia, and of course life is calmer now.

    However, SWOT, what you said is so true. And it explains why, although I don't really share any more about my son, I come here every single evening to see what is going on with everyone. I pray for those who seem to need it. Of course, if there is someone coping with encopresis, I will happily respond, but these days no one seems to be talking about encopresis. Thank heavens! Yes, this is a wonderful peaceful place, everyone is so non-judgmental, and I love it and everyone here.

    Love, Esther
     
  19. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    So nice to hear from you, Esther.
     
  20. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It has been a long time when I found this place. The first night I read case histories that were posted by parents. I cried for hours. How could all these children and parents be in such desperation and no one seemed to know or understand. I read for days before I tentatively posted. I thought our infamous "Abbey" was like the voice of God talking to us. Calm, firm and always positive. The other parents were welcoming and so kind. It was my "soft place" and it feels good to check in from time to time. Life didn't turn out as good as I hoped but not as bad as I feared for my difficult child. I stopped trying to work harder on his life than he did but I am always hopeful that he will figure the world out. I loved meeting so many members. It was a thrill and heart warming. Happy Thanksgiving seems very appropriate today.
     
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