Just want to sit down and cry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BellJar, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    Ugh, I hate mornings with a passion. Not only because I am not at all a morning person, but mornings are so often when Poe decides to have a meltdown. This morning I knew it was going to be bad when he didn't want to get up. And I feel like a prize idiot because I let him stay up late last night; not excessively late but clearly too late for him. Anyway, he refused to get out of bed so after several minutes I had to pick him up and put him on his feet. Then it was another fifteen minutes of him head butting me, smacking my arms through the blanket around him, trying to shove me out of his way because he wanted to go back to bed, etc. He's been far worse and I could see that he was kinda trying to control himself but this is exactly the kind of behavior that the school cannot deal with. So I finally got him to get dressed and ti eat a little something, meanwhile Louisa May is trying to 'help' and I had to tell her to stop, which of course hurt her feelings. Then both kids waylaid me with book orders and Poe wants to join the school chess club. I'm trying to breathe and not lose it, the clock is ticking away and I have to go to work, they are just about late...ARGH! Then it's time for for Poe to get upset AGAIN when I tell him we'll talk about him joining the chess club after school ("THAT JUST MEANS NO!") He left with no major carnage and under his own power so I guess it's somewhat of a success? But I feel like I can't breathe and I'm crying, and on top of it all husband is being such a butthead that I slept in my daughter's room last night. Long story, maybe can get into later since I have to go to work.

    I know you all have been through much worse stress; how do you deal? And sending cyber hugs to anyone else who had a crappy morning.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH wow, when I joined a little over a month ago...I think...anyway i posted an eerily similar post. Mornings are the worst. For us it is the added not having medications kicked in for a while and whenever I wake him is when he is UP so doing it earlier just gives me more time fighting with him in the morning. We rarely have hitting anymore but did for years. (well now with the medication thing it is back but hopefully will stop again) My son to has caught on that "later" means no...really it doesn't but he thinks so. I always tell him later does not mean YES or NO. He will sometimes say, I know you are just saying that so I wont get upset now. UGG so hard to balance not wanting to set them off with just answering it. And if I answer he will just argue anyway...how can I earn it? Can you give me another chance? on andon and on. IF I send him to school that way then I KNOW I will get a call. It sure will be interesting to see what they say about Poe's assessment results. I hope you get some helpful information. Regardless of what they say if you feel there are any Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits, the methods used to work with kids iwth Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) do often work for other issues. You already are using some of them for Salinger so??? I have a couple of parents here who said they had already set up life for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) #1 child so their life was structured better for #2, 3 etc. even though they are all different.

    Hang in there, I totally get it. Mornings stink for some of our kids/us. Go back to earlier bedtime, forgive yourself and remember you are making progress, getting things done so there is hope.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This, unfortunately, is NOT unusual for our board members. I can't help you, but want you to know that this morning madness is very common, that you're not alone, and that it is definitely a huge problem for so many. Do you think if he had his own alarm clock that woke him up instead of you doing it, that he would be able to get over the grumpies before you two see one another? Probably not a good idea...but the only one I could think of.

  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending hugs. We know how difficult mornings can be. I've been through it with mine. The good news is that there will be days when it's not like this. For all those other times, you're welcome to come here and vent, ask for support and tips and hugs.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well... I'm not dealing with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids, but... even with a different set of developmental issues:

    I had to learn the hard way:
    1) once the problem starts, its too late to solve the real problem
    2) structure, structure, structure
    3) there's nothing worse than a tired difficult child

    Barring... issues that must be controlled 24/7 by medications, and mental health disorders like bi-polar...

    #2 means... changing how YOU live. Because you can't give them the structure they need, without imposing structure on yourself.


    Forget about what anybody else (i.e. family, friends, parents and teachers at school, etc.) says about bedtimes and how much sleep kids need. Once you've got disorders and disabilities, the "expectations" mean nothing. In 15 min increments, push bedtime earlier (change it every 3 days or so)... until difficult child can get up and be functional in the morning... "6 days out of 7". (really. we all have our "days" when mornings don't work)

    Develop as long of a bedtime routine as you have to, and stick to it - like 99.999% of the time. Whether its a 5-minute sequence, or a 60-minute sequence... whatever it takes. They need to be in a frame of mind to go to sleep. It has to be what works for difficult child - not what you "want".

    Develop a morning routine. When difficult child was smaller, we had to pick out clothes for the next day, as part of the bedtime routine. It was just too stressful to do it in the morning. Morning must have the exact same order... even on weekends (although you might start a wee bit later)

    Watch out for letting them sleep in... even for a neurotypical adult, a sleep schedule should never be off by more than 90 minutes.

    And then...
    learn to take micro-breaks for yourself, to deal with the stress. Tough to get those in the morning, though!!
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I totally agree that structure, structure, structure is paramount. I also agree that some mornings are just horrible. Try to let it go and figure out how to avoid another one like it. by the way, I am also NOT a morning person...as emphasized mornings are bad news for me. But with difficult child's you just can't avoid them, lol. I found the following helped me cope:

    I always made myself wake up before before the children and get my mind straight.
    I, too, found that laying out clothes the night before helped alot.
    Although it almost made me cry, lol, I learned to live the structured life myself elminimating all spontaneous formerly fun moments.
    With one difficult child I had medications and a snack to give before his wakeup time so he could go back to sleep.
    With more than one in the house I set the table for breakfast before I went to bed.

    I won't go on and on but the more structure and fewer surprises the easier it went. Was it easy. Heck no. But...it was easier. Hugs. DDD
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree.
    I also agree that you have to get up first and get organized b4 you wake up the kids. I was horrid about that ... when the kids were little, I'd get up, use the bathroom, wash and get them up asap.
    Mornings were the worst until we started the routine of having my husband give difficult child his Concerta (then, Adderall) at 6 a.m. and let him go back to sleep until 7, for school. husband still had problems and it took a good 3 mo's b4 the routine was set. He dealt with-it because for whatever reason, difficult child didn't actually slug him like he did with-me. Maybe I just bruise easily?
    I cried a lot more back then.
    So sorry. I hope you can get it straight.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    by the way, when you feel like you want to sit down and cry...seize the first opportunity you have to do that with-o kids around and sob your heart out. You may have to cry in the showere but believe me we ALL have found that letting out our emotions helps. Hugs DDD
  9. BellJar

    BellJar New Member

    Thank you all so much...I really needed that. :) So nice to be with people who understand!

    I do think my own disorganization in general has a huge impact on the kids. It's something I've struggled with my entire life, and I'll make routines and then fall out of them so I need to try harder to focus. Wrote out some daily routines yesterday for guidance. The bedtime routine is a bit more difficult because the only nights I am here are Tues/Wed; every other day I work a split - four hours in morning, four hours in evening. husband puts the kids to bed otherwise and so I will try to talk to him about more of a routine.

    So far this morning Poe is up and happy but of course today he has two Halloween parties so he's got some incentive. I just hope all the excitement doesn't prove to be too much for him.

    I still feel exhausted and pretty low, so I know I'm probably dealing with some depression and anxiety. I just need to take some time to breathe.
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    I agree with DDD. A good cry can be very therapeutic.

    So, you both had a learning experience - bed times must be strictly observed. I was blessed not to have this issue with son. In second grade he came and asked if his bedtime could be EARLIER so he could get up to watch cartoons before school. Yeah! OK.

    With my girls, not so much. They just could not fall asleep. Worst with DD1. She'd have a hard time getting up, and then be miserable all day. Then we discovered melatonin. Life has been good ever since. Doesn't sound like this is your problem, more of a scheduling issue, but really stick to it. We do allow for later bedtimes on the weekends, but if they have to get up early for something? they get the early bedtime as well.