Wow. Good going COM.
You know, I think now, (that I am out of the land of crazy) that those encounters you are having, where you get to keep saying what you truly feel, what you've wanted to say for so long, what is in your heart and what is the truth, are necessary and although this is certainly for your difficult child, it is for you too.
I did that same thing with my daughter. First I was angry. But I said what I wanted to say thought that filter. Then I was not and I just started saying the truth. This has gone on now since the summer. Each time something came up, I took it as an opportunity to be clear, to state my truth, to set another boundary. Each time I was more clear, less anxious, more honest and each time I expressed more then the last time.
About a month or two ago she emailed me something and I sat at my desk at work and literally emptied myself of what was left of what I needed/wanted to say. I was very kind and caring and just stated what was true for me. It was a long email. I think I posted about it, I'm not sure, but I told SO at the time, "I think I've now said it all, there is nothing left for me to say." What's interesting is that I've even seen her less since then. With each truth, with each opportunity, our paths were more and more separate. That was not my intention, nor what I would necessarily want....... but that is what has happened.
As I go through my own process and observe yours and others here, there really is a clear trajectory of detachment and acceptance..........as we show up for each new encounter, each new issue, we are confronted with another opportunity to make it absolutely clear what we are now willing to do, what we are not willing to do, what we want and what we will not tolerate. I have gotten pretty good at it now, no more wishy washy me, no more doubts, no more editing what I want to say.............it's clear and it easily emerges from my lips. It is simply, the truth.
I believe when we are clear inside, we can express that clarity outside and those around us take heed, now we mean business.
You did a great job COM. You consistently show up. That reminds me of the Four Fold Way, which is a Native American Conflict resolution tool.........it is........show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don't be attached to the outcome. If we can do that, we can resolve it. It's easy to get stuck in any one of those.
I hope you can take a moment to really acknowledge how hard this is and how well you're doing......it takes courage to walk this path, it takes strength and it takes a real commitment to ourselves and really, to our kids too. You've walked this path with grace and dignity COM and you've given those of us here a real model of how to respond with finesse and elegance under enormous pressure. Very, very nice.