Lost as to what to do

[Struggling in PA]

My son is 15 and is so horrible. He swears at everyone including me. He had an iep in school and is in learning support classes as he has been diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) a mood disorder adhd and Tourette's just to name a few and the most recent ones. As he is over 14 he has refused to take his medicine now and it was helping him but now he is uncontrollable. Teachers are always calling me because he refuses to do any work. Swears at them. Breaks things. He goes to vo tech right now but they tried to throw him out a month ago, however his Special Education support convinced them to let him stay as the high school absolutely refuses to take him back. We see a psychiatrist for him, he has a therapist, and I have been through countless rounds of family based services with him yet nothing has helped. He has no compassion shows no empathy and literally cares about nothing or no one. He won't even talk to me anymore with out cussing at me. I know he chew and smokes. And he has admitted to drugs though he says he don't do them now and he has also been busted shoplifting and stealing from us at home. Please if anyone has more suggestions I am open to trying anything right now. He is so reckless I am always afraid my next phone call will be the police or hospital. He also doesn't show any kind of emotions. Christmas is tomorrow and we got him the things he asked for but I already know his reaction will be o what's next. He will not be excited about any of it

 

[BusynMember]

He has many real challenges and I doubt anyone truly knows if that is why he is this way. It doesn't seem safe to have him at home. Any other kids?

If he is a danger, you may have to look into his living somewhere else, like an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

 

[Praecepta]

If he does not want to do anything.... Then "I the parent" don't want to do ANYTHING for him either! (except for the bare minimum).

No cell phone.
No video games.
No TV.
No Christmas presents.
No soda pop - just water.
Etc.

Violations of the law will result in a call to the police.

Good kids get to do fun things. Bad kids don't get squat!

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I don't know if you are in the US or not, but if you are, you can address some of this through his IEP. If he is not following directions or completing his work, earning failing grades, disciplinary issues, etc. you are well within your rights to request a more restrictive placement, as this one is clearly not working (he is not successful). A lot of school districts will fight this, because the next step is a private school which they have to pay for. But it might be what he needs. In a school like that it is possible he will be physically restrained if he becomes aggressive, there will be many more staff and he will not be allowed to slip through the cracks.

If he fails there, then a residential treatment center could be the next step down the road, again on the school district's dime.

It seems weird to me that the Special Education team fought for him to remain in the vocational center because the standard HS would not take him back. If this wasn't decided in a meeting then you should ask for one ASAP to be informed of the specifics, if you don't already know them.

My 16 year old stepson is similar to your boy. Your son, at 15 and with an IEP, has more of a shot at being rehabilitated than my stepson, who refuses to speak to us, is failing/cutting most of his classes and is enabled by his custodial parent. We had him evaluated for an IEP but he was found ineligible. So my stepson is out of luck. I am sure he feels like the luckiest kid in the world being able to get high and drunk, drive a car, fail his classes and have no consequences. But the consequences are going to be crushing when he is an adult. I hope you can help save your son from a similar fate but sometimes they just are who they are and we can't do a thing about it.

Wishing you a happy holiday season. When school comes back from break I would request a meeting to discuss moving your son into a smaller environment that will hold him accountable.

 

[Struggling in PA]

Thank you. I will contact our special education department after the holidays and see if I can't finally get them to place him in an alternative school. But they have been refusing even after his doctors recommended it. I have met with the school three times this year with no success. And he is failing all subjects with less then 20 percentage and he keeps getting disinclined refuels yet they still have not acted.

 

[PiscesMom]

Struggling, can you get a Special Education advocate? Maybe a lawyer? Of course they don't want to pay out. Maybe you need to get pushy?

 

[susiestar]

Are you in the US? If so, it is past time to stop ASKING the school and start demanding that they give him the FAPE in LRE that is his legal right. They are violating his civil rights by not giving him this, and by not following his IEP. It is clear that his IEP is not helping, and a new IEP needs to be written, one with clear, measurable goals which can be achieved. If you read the special education archives you will find a TON of info about how to achieve this.

You can find a special education advocate by googling your state department of education and special education advocate. You can also go to the state department of education website and search for special education advocate or educational advocate and find one. Usually they are free of charge. THey will help by going to the IEP meetings and helping you get what your son needs.

Has your son been tested recently, like in the last 2 years or so? If not, this likely needs to be done. He probably has sensory issues that need to be addressed and can make life MUCH easier for all concerned. He also probably has learning disorders that make being in a classroom a real challenge, and the strategies needed for these can be difficult in a vocational setting. I don't know how the Tourettes is dealt with, but I would imagine that it needs to be addressed also. I would push the school to set up new testing to help identify the current issues, and I would make your son aware that everything good and fun in his life will END for the foreseeable future if he does not fully cooperate with the testing. I would make sure I could and would enforce this, but it is important enough that I highly recommend following through. I would also find a reward that would motivate him if he does cooperate. The testing is that important.

You can learn more about IEPs and the entire process, especially the laws governing IEPS, on the wrightslaw website and also the wrightslaw books. I found that taking a wrightslaw book with positit notes sticking out made some of the administrators of our school district very nervous. It also made them not try to pull as much nonsense with me as they did with other parents. Often the postits were not at meaningful places, but only I knew that. Certain colors meant something, others were just fillers. It was a bluff but I was the only person representing my son at a meeting where the school had between 4 and 9 people on their side.

You can also hire an educational attorney to represent you at the IEP meetings. It can be hard to find one, but it is worth looking if you feel you truly are having the school violate your son's rights and you cannot stop it.

PLEASE read the Special Education forum here. PLEASE don't just ASK your district for things. Learn how to communicate with them (via certified mail, return receipt requested) and to stand up for your rights. Learn to formalize things so that they cannot blow you off, so that they must take you seriously. This is for your son's benefit.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Struggling, how is your son doing? You can PM me if you want. I might be able to help.

 

[BusynMember]

Contact The Dept. Of Public Education for a free advocate. Dont count on your district to do anything by itself if they are not cooperating. The school district is one big club. We got nowhere just dealing with school districts. We had to use muscle but we got everything we wanted and the districts treated our kids great. They didnt want to deal with us, i guess. Being meek gets ya nowhere.

I couldnt afford an attorney but the advocate scared them enough. Shed taken one school district to court and won and the district had to pay all the expenses.

 

[pigless in VA]

SWOT, is right. I work as a special education aide. I was moved to a collaborative classroom to help with 2 students who have parents who are off the charts pestiferous. Get an advocate and make more noise. We have one parent who calls our principal every single day. Go get them, struggling in PA! Be the burr under the saddle.

 

[Overit]

Just a thought, here in Australia, we have a couple of Steiner schools, I have not been to one but I do have friends who did go to them
These schools do learn the compulsory subjects such as maths and English but focus a lot on everyday life subjects such as gardening, and moon cycles, growing crops and turning them into bread etc, also a lot of culture such as music and art. The kids I know from them are quiet intelligent but don't focus solely on traditional learning. Was wondering if this schooling environment might b better then main stream, giving more results you can truely see yourself ,maybe a different interest rather than a lot of boring subjects that he might not like. It is like life school were you learn life skills without a lot of emphasis on assignments and grades
Sounds a bit hippy I know but maybe it might be a little different to what he is used to and free range being he doesn't like too much authority and rules. Good luck, I hope you find something that accommodates what he is looking for.