Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Feeling Helpless, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. Feeling Helpless

    Feeling Helpless Oldie but Goodie

    I have been reading this site for many weeks but have failed every time I try to post a message. I sympathize with each and every one of you. It is nice to finally find a place where people understand what you are talking about. Since I have tried to post and it is taking all my time I will try to be a little briefer.

    My difficult child is 7 and in 2nd grade.He is our grandson that we are raising. I have 3 grown children who have turned out to be okay Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) adults. My difficult child has seen a counselor from a childrens home who only played legos with him. He has been seeing a pediatrician for a little over a year who only writes his prescription once a month and has never seen him again since he diagnosed him with ADHD.Just changed doctors this past month. My difficult child takes Concerta 36 mg. which does seem to help him sit still in school and focus. He has been seeing a psychologist for about 4 months and all she keeps telling us is we seem to be doing everything right and to be patient.My patience is wearing mighty thin.

    I began to think there was something else wrong with my difficult child and that is when I did my own research and found out that he has ODD. To make a long story short my difficult child has had problems since he was able to walk.He got kicked off hte school bus in kindergarten, been in ISS in 1st grade and now in second grade I have been to see the principal way too msny times.Her talks back to his teacher,refuses to do his work,and annoys the other children.The principal let me know last week that that my difficult child was suspended from school the next day because he threatened to kill a little boy at school because the little boy told my difficult child that he was mad all the time and because my difficult child was still mad about an incident that happened a couple of weeks proir to this when my difficult child lost his ice cream and he blamed the little boy for this and was still angry.

    My husband and I took him to the emergency room at a childrens hospital and he was diagnosed with ADHD/Mood disorder and we awaiting to see a psychiatrist which could take 6 to 8 weeks.The principal has set it up for a diagnotician to observe him in class to come up with a behavioural plan for his teacher.My difficult child is still getting good grades in school and only has some reading intervention.

    The new doctor suggested that we do not give him his medication on the weekends and holidays because he he says he will get used to the medications and they will stop working.We have done this for the past 2 weeks but it has been hell on the weekends.
    I have been keeping a journal for about 3 weeks to figure out what triggers my difficult child to get so angry but have not come to any conclusions yet. It could be almost anything that triggers his mood.I am reading The Explosive Child right now. We have tried rewards and punishment, reasoning,spankings, timeouts, breathing exercises,talking,taking things away and nothing has made a difference.

    Me and my husband have numerous arguments over how to deal with him.There is always tension in our home and we have had a lot of sleepless nights. I take sleeping pills to get any rest at all. These tantrms are making me physically ill and it has even started to affect my performance at work.

    We have total meltdowns almost monthly now and we have had to restrain our difficult child to keep him from banging his head on the wall or kicking us. He has threatened to punch me in the face, balled up his fists at his daddy, and tried to stab his mother in the neck with a pencil about 6 months ago. He has angry days every days. We just can not predict to what degree he will go to each day.

    My difficult child had a meltdown last night because he had not finished his homework and wanted to play outside. He had to be restrained to keep him in the house.It was of course dark by this time and could not have went outside even if we had given in. My husband was ready to take him to the hospital and I talked him out of it. Of course we heard the usual about how he hates us and we make his life miserable and called every name in the book. Took 2 and a hlf hhours to calm him down. I do not know if I can wait 6 to 8 weeks to see a psychiatrist.

    Of course my difficult child has no friends because he bosses other kids around and they quit playing with him. He hates sports. The only thing I have found he likes is to draw. He has a fear about getting water on his face. He plays outside unrtil an insect flies by him and he wants to come inside.He has an obsession about spider man to the point of thinking he has special powers and he is going to make everyone pay that is making him miserable. He even told me that he wants to ask santa claus for more special powers.

    How do maintain some normalcy and your sanity while dealing with a difficult child? Thanks for listening and good luck to everyone out ther.:faint:
  2. SaraT

    SaraT New Member

    I am sorry you and husband are having such a hard time. I have been there done that(been there done that). Your difficult child sounds just like mine at that age.

    If you do a signature(like at the bottom of this post) it will help us know what medications, what diagnosis's etc. This helps when we reply so we can help the best we can.

    My difficult child would go into a 2 hr meltdown at the word no. The smallest thing made her worse. Any stimulant medication made her worse. diagnosis changed from ADHD/ODD, to ADHD/Mood Disorder, to now ADHD/Mood Disorder/Aspergers. With what you have described, I wonder if your difficult child has Aspergers. I'm not a doctor, but the obsession and water sensitivity are both signs of some form of Austim Spectrum disorder. Not knowing what medicine he is on, ask yourself if the medicine is working. Is he better? Is he worse or more violent on it? Different disorders and different kids need different medicine or combinations of medicines to help. Mine and ADHD medications were not a good combination, but the mood stabilizer has helped considerably.

    Remember to try and take time for yourself. You can't help difficult child if you are drained.

    Hugs of support sent your and husband's way.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a pediatrician. First off, ODD rarely stands alone, and is pretty much a feature of all childhood disorders. Secondly in my opinion for some reason, the advice you're getting seems kind of "off" to me. Was he ever evaluated by a neuropsychologist? Did he have any early delays, like speach, eye contact, social skills? Are there any mood disorders/bipolar on the family tree on either side? Any substance abuse (this is a red flag for a mood disorder).
    Welcome to the board :)
  4. Feeling Helpless

    Feeling Helpless Oldie but Goodie

    My difficult child is taking Concerta 36mg that his pediatrician prescribed. I have in the last month starting taking him to our family physician who wants to see him every 3 months. My difficult child has been seeing a psychologist for the last 4 nonths with no results.
    I got an appointment today to take him to see a psychiatrist on the 11th of November but they told me the evaluation would take about an hour and half. I do not know what a neuropsychologist is or what they do.

    My sister has a grandson with ADHD/CD. Also from what I have found out about my difficult child's father my difficult child would have a cousin with ADD but I am not 100% sure he is even his father. My difficult child's mother has some problems when she was younger. She went to counseling. She was very depressed,suicidal for a while and had substance abuse for a short time. She was 17 when he was born. SHe is now married with an 18 month old and seems to be fine.

    My difficult child only takes Concerta and it does seem to help him to sit still in school and focus. When he does not have it he is very annoying,bounces off the walls, talks 90 miles an hour so yes I do think it helps with his ADHD. It is all the other problems I do not know how to deal with. I am hoping the psychiatrist can help me.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is what I'd do, based on my son and how long it took to get his diagnosis. right. I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. 1 1/2 hours doesn't sound like very good testing--certainly not enough to diagnose him. Although you have a lot of ADHD diagnosis. in your background, some of those could be wrong diagnosis. Your daughter has symptoms of a mood disorder. Substance abuse is a red flag for that, even if resolved (my daughter has this and abused drugs for a while) and suicidal thinking is way more bipolar than ADHD. I'm glad she's doing well now, but I'd seek a better evaluation for your grandson. We didn't have much luck with even Psychiatrists...just got a wrong diagnosis. and a lot of medication. If the stimulant isn't working it is very possible that this could be because ADHD isn't his real diagnosis. Stims can make kids even worse if they take them and they don't really have ADHD. And ADHD, mood disorders, and high functioning autism all mimic one another in children. You need a keen eye (which is why I suggested a neuropsychologist. They will sit down with your child and test him for 6-10 hours before trying to come up with a diagnosis). They also look for weaknesses and strong points. Psychiatrists don't really do that--I know because I'm bipolar and have going to Psychiatrists for thirty years. I had a neuropsychologist evaluation recently and felt he nailed things that the psychiatrists never touched. Ditto for my son--he was wrongly diagnosed with ADHD/ODD first, then bipolar, and finally high functioning autism. He's been doing great ever since getting appropriate help for the high functioning autism, and he's been able to cut out the medications. He no longer exhibits ODD behavior. I wish you luck :)
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi FeelingHelpless, welcome.

    I am so sorry for you and your family. I know how rough it is.

    My first suggestion would be for you and your husband and daughter to take turns watching difficult child one night a wk so ea of you gets a break.

    I used to just go into the bathroom for 5 min. and lock the door to get some peace and quiet!

    I psychiatrist can help with-the diagnosis but if there is something like high-functioning autism, sometimes they miss it. Psychiatrists are into brain chemicals, vs neurology. Still, it will help to get your difficult child seen asap, by a specialist. I think you will need more medications.
    It sounds like your difficult child cannot follow the behaviors you are trying to implement because there is still so much going on in his head, he can't focus.

    I know what you mean about the anger. My difficult child is like that, too.

    Stay with-us and keep posting. That is my other suggestion. :) This group can be a lifesaver. :)
  7. Feeling Helpless

    Feeling Helpless Oldie but Goodie

    Thanks to everyone for all the support. I thought I had a pretty good idea what was wrong but with all the suggestions I will definitely be checking on them. I also will find out more about a neuropsychologist exam for my difficult child. Have to go to work now but will definitely be reading and posting more.
  8. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    welcome and I am glad it worked for you this time, you're in an awesome and safe place.