mini ant update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by antsmom, Sep 19, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ant is due to go to state pen october 17.
    he has been working daily but drunk nightly. he went to a Lynryd Skynrd concert last weekend and is still on a bender with multiple women coming and going.

    other than that, for this week only-- he and Kaleb, boyfriend and another difficult child are staying at my house. they are working a big roof job near me and since I live an hour from ant's place, the whole lot of them are here. ant brought along the other difficult child to help with the roof. the other difficult child is 27 and a coke head-struggling this week with anxiety and constant motion as he is drug free not by choice here. he has an 18 mo old baby girl he is not allowed to see and shows her pictures to us. I am running a "feed em and send em to work with boyfriend daily" house.

    this morning ant crawled into bed and slept with Kaleb. other than that, he plays with him a bit and cannot even seem to remember how to bathe him anymore. Kaleb asks for me to put him to bed, and sits with me and boyfriend. I have to get Kaleb to go sit with his dad as he seems to be more detached from him. Kaleb has been here 10 dys or so, his mom never even calls. he was to go back today but she said she is too tired. (I am ok with that)

    ant is very huggy with me and even did the dishes last night. he asked if he can live here til he goes but I said no. he has to live at his own apartment. I do feel sorry for him. I guess I do not believe that his 4th DUI warrants a one to two yr sentence at the state pen. it doesnt make sense. I wish oh wish they had an appropriate way to deal with this, perhaps work release, or some other way. then again, he knew the consequence and did the deed usual. he wants his fav dinner tonight...stuffed I will make them.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    This is a very hard time for you, and poor little Kaleb must be very confused. Hang in there, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Janet, I know he did the deed. I know he has to pay the consequence but I am so sad to see one of our own head to jail. I don't know ant but I feel so disappointed in his inability to choose the right way or to think clearly enough to make the choice. I'm sure it is not much comfort to you but I wanted you to know that my mommy heart feels for you and for ant. His choices have lost him most of his young adult life. :crying:

    PS: I'd be making Kaleb's favorite meal instead of ant's to tell the truth but I know you don't want ant to feel abandoned either. I go through this with my difficult child. I keep trying to keep him connected to the good, healthy things in the family so there isn't a complete separation. You want him to still have a sense of belonging. I don't know if it matters to my difficult child or to ant but it's obvious it matters to us.
  4. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Janet, You are an amazing Mom and Gramma, I feel for you all. I wish oh wish that Danielle would just go away and you could keep Kaleb and get her for abandonment. That boy deserves a chance in life. I wouldnt send him back until she comes to your front door to get him.


    PS Tell Ant I also love stuffed peppers! How do you make them?
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I totally agree with Frans response. That is the response I pretty much had in my head before I read hers.

    Sounds to me like Ant is pretty much in self destruct mode, knowing he's going away, so he probably figures why even try anything different at this point.

    How sad it is that no matter what he goes through in life, he just can't seem to get it!

    I'm glad you didn't give in and just allow him to stay at your house until he goes. I think that would put to much stress and worry on you, seeing him everyday and watching him destroy himself more before he leaves.

    I'll be thinking about you.
  6. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member


    You know you are always in my prayers, I think he is figuring he is going away anyway so why bother, my difficult child is doing the same thing.

    I wish he'd be more closer to Kaleb because he won't be seeing him as much, that's sad. They don't realize what they are missing, until it's too late.

    You are so strong! Hang in there!

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Why is it that they dont realize what they are messing up until they have already done so much damage that they cant undue it?

    Cory has dug a hole so deep I have no idea how he is going to manage to crawl out of it. He finally has a really good job with a chance to make something of himself and he is now fighting the quicksand of his own doing. He has constant court dates for all these stupid felonies and Im betting my right arm that he is going to end up in prison for it and he will never be able to get this good job back. Im not telling him this because I dont want him to lose hope but what a stupid thing he has done.

    They mess themselves up so badly without even thinking about it.
  8. amstrong

    amstrong New Member


    I am with Fran & Karen. You guys are in my prayers. Keep the faith!

  9. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member


    I'm sure the waiting has got to be horrible. How do you go about life normally knowing that in a month you'll be locked up in jail for a good number of months? I'm guessing the drinking is a form of self medicating.

    So sorry.
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Kaleb's fav meal is every
    he is a good eater but long and lean like ant.

    I make stuffed peppers problem like most people do:
    mix ground beef with onion, salt and pepper, uncooked rice
    stuff into green pepper halves or quarters

    pour lots of Campbell's tomato soup on top

    cook to death. I like to cook it all day at 275. (about 4 or 5 hours) truthfullly you can cook it at 350 for an hour and half but I like it well done.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    not to change the subject, but I like to cook my stuffed peppers in the crockpot for 8-10 hours. It's one of my favorite winter meals that I like to throw in in the morning and come home from week in the afternoon and dinner is already cooked. The only thing I do different is I use marinara sauce, which I also mix a little into the mix and then pour the rest on top.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring thoughts of support your way. DDD
  13. judi

    judi Active Member

    Janet - I am so sorry for the anguish you are going thru now. It is also hard on Kaleb.
  14. Jen

    Jen New Member

    What an overwhelming houseful you have!
    Sometimes I would like to see my difficult child go to jail, and pay consequences, and think.. I would like to see a miraculous change in his mind and action towrd himself, family, children, and work, but somehow I dont think jail will serve a purpose, how about you with Ant?

    Talking about Kalebs Mom, she is for sure on vacation mode, and probably exhausted. That little boys so needs love, normalcy, and routine in his life. But again, isnt that what we gve our children and look how they turned out.

    Take care of yourself.

  15. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member


    I would be in agony watching the "normal" of the day combined with what awaits.

    I'm so glad baby Kaleb has you.
    I so wish this weren't the way it has to be...

    with love,
  16. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    so sad to see your continuing hurting heart janet. sorry for you my friend and sending big hugs to you, ant & kaleb
    I didn't know <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 14pt'>ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD </span></span>who made stuffed green peppers!!!

    My mom would grind up left-over pot roast to use with rice & soup to stuff peppers.

    My brothers and I <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>hated them!!</span> :thumbsdown:

    That's too funny that other human beings actually know of this ritual, and that its ant's favorite! :flower:

  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet, I'm so sorry that things are in such a sad state. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. -RM
  18. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thinking of you and hoping Kaleb's mom soon tires of her "meal ticket" idea of motherhood and Kaleb gets to stay with you for a long time. Hope Ant's time in jail goes quickly and he learns to curb the drinking.....

    Saying prayers for happier times......
  19. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Janet, I know how heartbreaking this is. Believe it or not, it hurts us too. :crying: Like Fran said, "one of our own is headed back to jail". It's just so sad.

    I know the "do the crime, pay the time" thing, I too wish there was some way to make these people (men/women) work their sentence off rather than just warehouse them.

    I'm glad Kaleb has you and boyfriend. I too think Ant is sort of just giving up with the "why bother" and staying drunk most of the time. That in itself is sad.

    Keeping you in my prayers.
  20. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    I'm glad Kaleb has you for a Grandma. I get a lot of strength from you, Janet. Thank you