Will try to make this short. Our adult bio super easy child married son lives in a city three to four hours away with his wife and son (toddler). difficult child is rarely invited to this area because of her crazy behaviors. She never is invited to holidays. She has almost been for Xmas, but inevitably right before Xmas, she behaves oddly and my husband tells her "forget it," we are not taking you. She is in her twenties, adopted, has Bipolar illness. Last summer we took her up for a vacation. Had nice things planned. She begged us to drop her off in a city one hour away for an afternoon with an old friend. She went...it was a disaster. They got drunk, her friend dumped her in a shopping mall...major drama. We all were stressed beyond belief. husband put her on a train that took her straight home. (She doesn't live with us, has an apartment in our home city). For the last few months, difficult child has been ok. She feels bad that she has seen so little of her nephew. So, I (stupidly) told her that we could do like we do for Xmas, if she is taking her medications and there is no major drama in the months preceding the birthday, she could probably come. Wrong. Wrong answer. Son, husband, daughter in law are all mad at me. Said that they do not want her at toddler grandson's birthday. It is their (parents) decision. I think they are right. Yikes! I fear difficult child will go ballistic when she finds out she cannot work her way into that toddler birthday party. Our son, her brother, does NOT trust her no way, now how. He says she can come another time briefly this summer. husband barely wants her up there with us...period. How do I break the news to her? The news that she can NOT come to her nephews party under any circumstances. I don't think difficult child' s are real big on accepting personal responsibility.