Mom Again, A mess!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Feb 22, 2012.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My mom is calling me fairly regularly over this Stormy deal I posted about. I let her vent away. She needs someone to unload on desperately, and it lets me assess her state of mind. She's been doing well, considering the stress of having a full blown difficult child with major manipulation skills under her roof. But that stress may be getting to her.

    The last call was night before last. She's agitated, she can't let this go. (well, I guess that is understandable as the situation is still pretty much right in her face) Redirection onto another subject is impossible. Mostly, I think, because she's so fearfull Bro is going to be successful in convincing the other kids she's "confused".

    In Bro's defence, he IS trying to keep Mom and Stormy separated as much as he can. Because Mom demanded Stormy NOT be in her home anymore....he got my aunt Dormy to watch her when he's not home. (this is the aunt mom was driving over to get the paper from when Stormy declared mom got confused and ran into a ditch and hit a car on the way home) Now I find this a bit amusing. Because if Stormy thinks her grandma is strict, wait until the newness wears off with her great aunt! Dormy lets nothing slide, nothing. And nothing gets by her either. So that is going to be interesting in and of itself.

    A few other things have happened. Now I'm not sure if this stuff actually happened, or if Mom has now been pushed into a psychotic break due to the stress of the situation. At 2 states away, I have no way of knowing. Except that in all other ways, her memory is fine, she seems normal.

    Back at the beginning of Jan mom came in with Stormy one afternoon and put her keys down. Now mom has had a thing with losing her keys as far back as I can remember. Once the kids were grown, she took to fastening them onto her jeans. If she doesn't fasten them to her jeans (say she's going right back out) she'll drop them onto the kitchen table. Well, when she went to pick up her keys they were gone. (I think what happened is she was planning to go back out with Stormy, set them onto the table, and got distracted either by a phone call or whatever and didn't go out) She checks her jeans first thing, not there of course. Checks the whole kitchen. Not there. Asks Bro and Stormy if they've seen them? Nope. Mom cleans the whole kitchen spotless, no keys. Mom cleans the rest of the house spotless. No keys. Now, she's mad. She came home with Stormy, they didn't leave again. Those keys had to be in the house and should have been right where she put them, either her jeans or the table. She asks Bro and Stormy to help her look. (now she's mad and panicking because her whole life is on those keys) Bro won't look but he did give her the spare set she'd given him and he keeps locked in his filing cabinet. He's assuming in her "confused" state she's just lost the keys. Stormy refuses to look and Mom says she just kept trying her best to look innocent. Bro figured giving mom the keys settled the matter. Well, no.........those are keys to everything. duh!

    Mom has since done spring cleaning type cleaning of the house at least 3 times. As she says, she has probably the cleanest house in town. No keys. She suspects Stormy picked up the keys when she set them onto the table. She can't prove it. And Bro won't even consider it. But you have to remember, mom has refused to allow Stormy in the house at all when she is not there or if she's in the shower. (once mom was in the shower, came out wearing her towel to find an audience of half the neighborhood) And now Stormy is no allowed in the house when her dad is not there period. hmm So who has motivation for picking up keys?

    Now I did tell mom that several years ago I had the same thing happen with keys. I'm like mom, terrified of losing them. Both mom and I keep our keys on huge key rings making them easier to find. I did the same cleaning thing with the house / car / you name it and never did find my lost keys. It's been about 7 yrs and they've never turned up. Evidently I somehow lost them while out of the house. Mom still suspects Stormy, because as she explained, they'd not left the house since she put the keys on the table and when she was looking for them. Good point.

    Some more recent events:

    Eldest bro & his girlfriend/wife (I don't even know if he's married to this woman or not) agreed to pick Stormy up from school and take her to tutoring and to care for her horses because Mom refused to continue dong it.

    Mom has come home several times from being out and about to find evidence of someone having been in the house. When I asked her what this evidence was (because this is a typical way her paranoia shows itself) she said someone had decided to have a snack in the kitchen. The first few times they'd made some attempt to clean up.......the next several times they left the mess behind on the table/counter. Mom buys sandwich stuff and junk foods for Bro's lunches, Stormy loves to eat as much of them as possible. That is the food being eaten, the wrappers ect are left on the table.

    Well, now. I find that interesting. Mom checked for signs of forced entry. None. Whoever got in, had a key. Whoever had a snack, likes the same junk food as Stormy. Hmm. Bells going off anyone??

    Bells did not go off for mom. She's freaking over someone being in her house and blatantly leaving behind evidence, she's not adding it up. (pretty sure this is not paranoia) She was trying to figure out why Eldest bro or his wife would come in and have a snack. (he's now the only other one who is supposed to have keys because she's using the spare set) I said Mom, hon, two 50 something people are not going to come in and have a snack in your house. That doesn't make sense. But a difficult child who took your keys and is trying to mess with your mind, would do just that.

    Ok. Next incident is a tad more iffy as far as paranoia goes.

    Mom had told both bro and Stormy that she was taking the lap top to the repair guy because since they'd used it she can't get on it to play solitaire anymore because Stormy's horse game and bro's many lady friends keep popping up. (mom has no clue how to disable the internet). She no longer allows them to use her computer.

    Mom again comes in from being out and about. She knows immediately something is wrong. For one thing the office door is open, which is always kept closed. She had come home to take the computer to the repair guy. So she goes into the office. Not only is the door wide open, but the closet doors are wide open, desk drawers are open....... You get the idea. The lap top is lying on the desk. Mom is doing a major wth moment. She picks up the laptop and goes to open it to see if it's been damaged, surprised after the condition of the room that it is still there. (she's thinking someone was trying to rob her) Only she can't open it. She does another wth, then looks closer at the laptop. It's not HER laptop! That's why she can't figure out how to open it! Evidently whomever had been there had switched out laptops.

    Mom takes the laptop directly to the lawyer and tells him the whole story and asks him what she should do, should she go to the police? He says no, it's not necessary. His people there can find out who's computer it is and help her handle it. (you guys have to understand the cops in my hometown are about as crooked as they come and then some) His guess is there was something on her computer they wanted time to delete, so they switched out computers thinking she wouldn't notice and they could have it back before she took it to be repaired.

    Now this is the part that has mom confused. Where did the 2nd laptop come from?? As far as she knows, bro doesn't have a laptop. But he did buy Stormy a desktop that she won't allow Stormy to use. It's still in the box sealed from xmas. (hmm poor man can't afford a home but can keep his horses and buy his kid a computer for xmas)

    I told mom I know for a fact that before bro came to live with her he had a laptop, as he'd talked about it. She thinks it was his ex gfs laptop. While I may be wrong, I don't think so. But maybe he left it behind. She knows Eldest bro has a laptop. And her theory is that his girlfriend/wife came in and switched them out. Why on earth they'd do such a thing is beyond me. Although they have used mom's laptop in the past when Eldest bro was living there.

    This just hit me:

    Eldest bro was convicted for child molestation many years back. Eldest bro is where Stormy is gong after school. This disturbs me no end, but there is nothing I can do about it. Mom still believes Eldest bro was innocent regardless of his conviction & that she knows he molested me my entire childhood.......and that I believe he was guilty as sin. It also disturbs me that bro has custody of Stormy, as what my mother doesn't know is that bro also molested me most of my childhood, due to Eldest bro molesting HIM. He started where Eldest bro left off. Now I have no idea whatsoever or anything to make me believe bro has touched another child as an adult. I know he's a d@mn good dad, I know his kids adore him. But I adored the stepdad I refer too as Dad too, and he also molested me once I hit age 12, so there you go. I still adore the man, I just hate that part and have learned to separate the two via therapy.

    I'm not accusing either bro of anything. I'm just stating facts. And with this computer deal..........Well, sorry. While when mom first told me I though omg they've pushed her too far, as it sounds like a typical break for her via the paranoia. But as I was typing I'm wondering. Could it be there is something on mom's computer they want no one to see? Whoever "they" are.

    Now. Eldest bro is NOT to be allowed around children. He IS supposed to be listed as a pedophile but I know he ISN'T because he neglected to do so when he moved back to Illinois from Indiana a few years ago. He has mom convinced that only lasted as long as his parole which is so much bull. Bro could lose custody of Stormy for allowing her to be watched by eldest bro and his girlfriend/wife. In bro's defense, the whole pedophile deal with eldest bro has NOT be discussed since I told my mother about me when I was 22 (I'm 47). It is a huge no no topic. Entire family chooses to believe he's innocent when at least 3 of us know he was guilty as sin, because we were also his victims.

    Writing this post probably just gave me my Ace in the hole concerning mom. Wow. Now that was weird. Long distance or not, I can notify the district attorney and inform him eldest bro is not registered as a sex offender when he should be, while I'm at it I can inform him that youngest bro has him watching his daughter knowing he is a sex offender. I'm tempted to pick up the phone right now and do just that. Except the disaster that would follow would send mom right over the edge into insanity.

    Good Lord. What a mess. And I dunno why the whole sex offender thing didn't really hit me full force until this moment. It should have. It should have hit me like a ton of bricks the moment told me Stormy was going over there. It did disturb me greatly.....but for some reason I assumed his girlfriend/wife would be there....but I know from experience she only has to leave for 5 mins.

    Mom has no clue bro molested me too. After what it did to her to find out about eldest bro.........well, bro has always been her favorite along with sis in texas. I knew she couldn't handle knowing that. I certainly will not tell her now unless I'm forced to do so, for the same reason. I know for a fact eldest bro carried on the practice into adulthood. I have no reason to believe that bro did the same. But then I moved away from home at the age of 20, so yeah. Who knows. His kids certainly give no indication that any abuse came from him, only their mom. And yes, this is why he took that crazy *itches abuse for more than 20 yrs, or part of it anyway.

    So. Now I'm dying to find out if that is in fact mom's computer sitting in the lawyer's office. If it is, it was paranoia. If it isn't...........I'm about to be hit with yet another family crisis, one that I strongly suspect is going to be about as ugly as it can possibly get. :sigh:

    As far as Stormy going to eldest bro' long as girlfriend/wife is there, she is safe. After the abuse she suffered with her mother, she should be wise enough to know this........and is hopefully latched onto the girlfriend/wife like a leech. And before you ask, no. Eldest bro tells no one about the conviction. He's been married and had multiple gfs over the years both with and without kids and never said a word to them. I wanted to tell Marcie, his 2nd wife who brought mom to visit the last time, but I could never find an opportunity and they divorced after a couple of years so the chance was lost. I met his 3rd wife, a 17 yr old Mennonite girl, only briefly at one reunion. I've met no other wives or girlfriend's.

    Ok. So. I talked to mom about changing the locks again. I had a brilliant idea for her to put the spare keys into her lock box at the bank, then she wouldn't have to rely on either bro and they had no reason to have a key. So far, she's not into changing the locks. She's had to do it 3 times in the past few years. Hopefully for her peace of mind (I stressed this point) she will break down and do it again.

    A couple of very trusted neighbors are watching the house. Which means they're also watching her. Makes me feel better.

    I told her to buy film for her camera and to start taking photos of the evidence left behind after someone has been inside the house when she's gone. She no longer has her video camera, so I talked to her about borrowing one or renting one and setting it up when she's gone. Dunno if she'll do either but I strongly suggested IF she can get evidence this way it will make a strong statement this is NOT her imagination or paranoia.

    She has served bro with a formal eviction, thank god. He has 60 days. Unfortunately the police have already been at the house once that I know of due to Stormy. Mom did NOT tell me why, just that she was demanding Stormy be removed from the house.

    I now have arrangements with Nichole, who does not work, that all mom has to do is say the word and we'll have her out of there. We'll pick up and go get her and bring her back here. My kids are pretty furious at the moment. We're just waiting on mom to give us that word, darn it. I can't drag her over here. I would if I could.

    So much for hoping family crisis are over. ugh I keep thinking I at least need to notify cps over Stormy, but I need to keep mom sane until I can get her out of there. She's perched on that fine line right now, that would topple her right over.

    I'm so tired of such nonsense. When will it ever end? When do the victims ever get justice? Is there even such a thing anymore? bleh bleh bleh

    Very not in a good place today.:hangin:
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What a complex situation. I'm sorry there are so many issues involved and certainly understand why it's hard to sort it out.
    Kinda makes me wonder if Stormy hasn't been an abuse victim for some time...which could explain her attitude. Sigh!

    Sending supportive thoughts your way, Hound. Hoping for quick resolution and also looking forward to what the Attorney reports on the "new" computer. DDD
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I think your ideas are right on... About all you really can do...
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    What a mess. Your poor mom. Wow
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm practically pacing to find out what lawyer finds on the computer.

    IF it is someone else's.........I dunno if mom's would turn back up or not. He might have her bring this one home and pretend she knows nothing is amiss. That may already be the plan, she might be pretending it's getting "fixed". Mom can manage this, in fact she's the queen of such deception. At least neither bro is smart enough to know that wiping a computer's hard drive or deleting info on it isn't enough to remove information. So if the computer in lawyer's office is not mom's and they can manage to get hers, the info can still be found. I'll have Travis do it if necessary, he knows how, he was trained how to do it. I doubt they'd ditch the laptop if it was taken because they'd be hoping to switch it out again. My bro's don't credit my mom for being very bright. Both should know better.

    I hope bro gets out of there long before that 60 days. Because if Stormy keeps pushing Mom the way she's pushing, Mom can become dangerous & deadly. I hate to say that, but it's the truth. If Stormy pushes her too far and mom slips over the edge into a full blown psychotic break.......... I will put it this way, several times during a full blown psychotic episode my mother has attempted to smother me in my sleep and various other things. My instincts are the only reason I'm here. One of those times was when eldest bro was going through his trial and sentencing. The woman can't only take extreme stress up to a point and she snaps.

    This is why I encourage her to continue calling me. I don't know what else I can do. Unless it's an emergency I can't just up and go there. I have a responsibility to watch easy child's boys and at the moment it is my only source of income.

    My biggest fear with all this is that mom is going to snap and will become a danger to others. You can only poke the bear so much, and poking a paranoid schizophrenic is about as stupid as you can get.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    If "someone" got on your MOms computer and typed a BUNCH a BUNCH a BUNCH of paranoid jibberish and SENT IT -----say to 'someone" in an email - and that EMAIL and more files on YOUR MOM's Computer were considered EVIDENCE? BINGO. They have her dead to rights as a full blown crazy. PLANTED EVIDENCE. They went to web sites and scoured the internet for nutsy weird things and put all that material in a file on her laptop to make it look like- SHES crazy....and then told this elaborate tale to a lawyer who said "Well, the only way we can have her Committed? Is to get the evidence and show it to a psychiatrist....if you can get that laptop.....say switch it out with another one, make her think it's still hers? Then we'll take this one and have it analyzed....if it comes back she's a danger to herself and/or others? You have a case."

    Get my flow here?

    Or maybe it was not TOLD by the attorney in so many words because I'm sure that would be ILLEGAL as hades..but ahem.....cough - SUGGESTED.

    As far as the key situation? That one is easy in two parts - A.) Tell your Mom to put talcum powder down in front of the doors and HIDE the bottle. If she's in the shower and foot prints are there when she comes out - SHE WILL KNOW someone has been in eating in her house. Thieves don't travel with powder. b.) CHANGE EVERY DANGED LOCK. And make three sets. Give one to a trusted neighbor.....give one to YOU and keep ONE for herself. Both of you will know UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES unless you call each other with a code those keys get handed to anyone but your MOTHER. The mental anguish your Mom is under currently is NOT worth the cost of re=keying the locks hound.

    I think you have a very very deviant child here ------and unless someone wants to secretly wire the house with cameras and NOT tell brother or Storm child - and have that feed live to YOUR computer? I'd say go with the above. It's not as expensive as you may think either. For peace of mind.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I understand where you're going with the planting evidence on the computer deal. Only it would totally backfire on them. Mom has very little idea of how to use her laptop. She can turn it on. She can bring up solitaire. She has no clue how to do anything else with it. If she has an issue with solitaire not working right or she can't get it to turn on, she calls me or Travis to talk her through it. She has not the slightest idea of how to navigate the internet, she can't even get to her email, I don't think she even remembers what it is. And I'm not the only one who knows this is true. Sis in Texas also knows it, as does eldest bro and sis in Indy. Mom had to take a computer class in order to be able to turn the darn thing on consistently. lol

    (yes, she'd get better with someone to teach her but no one there will teach her)

    But the baby powder is an excellent idea!!! I'll do my best to get her to use it! :)

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Sometimes peace of mind is worth more than anything - If she sees footprints in the baby powder - there is her evidence. And if she keeps it HIDDEN or on her.....there is no resprinkling to cover it -

    She only needs to see it once - for them to start bringing their it's usually a one shot deal - then she has to get clever - like sand......crushed cheerios......glitter in grits.......Yeah I know I sound like 007 - but I had some really odd issues to prove in the past. lol. She could ALSO put a glass bottle on the door knobs - and if they are on the floor when she gets back? It could mean something - but your house had to be pretty rock stable to do that. No wind - nothing. Someone turns a knob - and WHAM.....

    ALSO it comes to mind that Kmart sells these little glue on alarms that sound when the seal is broken - they're like $10 - bucks and run on a battery.....they make that weeeeeohhhhhh weeeeeeeeeoh noise. Annoying. Maybe a few of those strategically placed would help her. Check Ebay - they peel and stick - you open the door - and (insert annoying sound) you can hear them all over the house. Also maybe she should invest in timers. You could get them - FOR HER - time them (they are a pain to set) and send them to her. Just plug them in - and plug a lamp or whatever in them - and put them in different rooms - then every week - SWITCH them.....makes it look like she's never in the same room. Set for varying amounts of time -