Hi, I've been reading your helpful posts all morning and would like to ask a specific question re how much help to give , if any, to my son at this point. I will try to be brief. He's 26, been through rehab several times for pot. He drinks and it causes him to be mean, he's had mental health issues from the pot. He lived outside our home for 1 1/2 years living with creepy drug people, paying cheap rent, barely eating. He has been working for 4 years, but the income is not enough to pay for a decent place here. He bought a car after his broke down and is making huge payments on it (which he has only been able to afford because his aunt and my husband and i have given him free rent the past year). With the car payment and the low amount of money he makes, he really can't afford to live on his own. His aunt took him in for minimal rent for several months and ended up kicking him out because of his bad attitude and general messiness (he was not allowed to drink, etc there). My husband and I (stupidly- it now shows) took him in for the past 6 months. We required him to go to school and not do drugs or drink. His attitude changed from being grateful and kind to being cranky and not helpful, to being mean. He did pass a college class in summer school. I ended up calling the police to get him to leave 2 days ago, because he wouldn't leave on his own when requested, after (possible from drinking) he starting saying cruel things to me. We've had to call the police many times in the past to get him to leave. So now he's gone and sleeping in his car in the 98 degree weather here. He applied , was accepted and is waiting for a grant for community college. He has showed up several times at our house in the past couple days and I have told him we will get a restraining order. Because of the fact that he might have this chance to go to school, and the fact that he actually passed a class - i feel like helping him by paying a couple of hundred per month toward his rent in a sober living home. I want to make it a condition that he 1. live in a sober home. 2. go to school. to get this help (which by the way isn't enough and he probably wouldn't be able to keep up his car payments and eat, even with this money, which will be a hardship for us to come up with). I know this is still helping, enabling , not allowing him to fail and learn, etc. It's just the timing of him getting the school money and the fact that he actually did something good for himself by passing the class. Granted , he was a real ungrateful creep to us and said some horrible things. He tries to blame everything on others, the other times he is so sweet and caring... My husband is tougher(and perhaps smarter than myself) and says to let him fail, loose the car, etc. What do you all think?