Mother of an Unfortunate One

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by UnfortunateOne, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. UnfortunateOne

    UnfortunateOne New Member

    My son is 23 with long history of mental illnesss and drug addiction. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and hospitalized twice for medication management. He's been in and out of justice system for drugs and recently started using heroin & meth. He was nearly beaten to death a few weeks ago by meth heads over $40. He has several broken bones and covered with road rash. He was discharged from hospital after a week and started freaking out. My Mother was going to let him heal at her house since he can no longer come home with me & his stepfather. I I called Police to have him baker acted. He chose not to get help but even if he did they wouldn't keep him because he has no insurance and has cooccurring disorder which has low percentage of successful rate. I saw him yesterday panhandling with slipper shoes that do not fit his feet. He's staying at local shelter and looks a mess and can hardly walk. I'm completely devastated and know there is nothing I can do and can no longer enable him. As a Mother & a nurse this is the hardest time in my life.
  2. Mamacat

    Mamacat Active Member

    What I would like to say first is how sorry I am for what you're experiencing. We love our children so much and to see them struggling is devastating. I'd also like to say hang on. Keep coming here. There's a lot of love, support, understanding and good advice on these pages. Sending love to you.
  3. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Unforunate, I'm so sorry you have to be here. It indeed is the hardest time ever. There are many of us here who have similar circumstances and find that posting clarifies our thoughts. It seems that you have tried so hard. I am also a nurse-we fix things-and then we can't. What to do with that reality is the most difficult part for me.
    He is an adult who has made adult choices, that being said, watching them spiral down is nearly unbearable. Yet. we bear it because we have to. I have no words of wisdom, just know you are not alone. I get it. Prayers.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :welcomecat:This is not for the faint of heart. We love our kids. We worry about our kids. We want better for our kids. The truth is we can want all that we want, but until they want it for themselves, we are spitting in the wind.
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  5. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    Nailed it!
  6. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    Unfortunate, I'm so sorry for your aching heart.
  7. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    I wish they would know what this does to all of us. Maybe one day they will understand how much we love them! This is not what I envisioned when I held him when he was born.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has he applied for Disability? Sounds like he may qualify and there are services that go along with it.

    I picture what you saw and it brings tears to my eyes. There is nothing easy about this.

    When they are on drugs, they don't think about anything but the drug. It changes them.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Unfortunate.
  10. UnfortunateOne

    UnfortunateOne New Member

    Yes, he applied a few years ago and was denied. I looked into getting a lawyer, but he has to be able to follow up with appointments and go to court. He's unpredictable. Thank you and everyone
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is so sad. Certainly he should be able to get help. They make it so hard to get Disability so thAt a mentally ill person who is too scattered to gather records or remember appointments doesn't have a chance. The most severely disabled can't do the necessary steps to complete the process.

    Whenever I see somebody homeless, I buy food and give them a little bag. I can't just walk by. Every homeless person is somebody's daughter or son. I don't need to know their story...i can't just ignore.
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    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
  12. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, UFO

    Could you call and talk to the people at the shelter that your son stays in?

    Maybe they could direct you/your son to a caseworker or someone from the mental health system that could help your son apply for SSI, Medicaid, food stamps, housing, and most importantly, get into the mental health system for medication.

    It sounds to me like your son has a lot more going on with his mental health than ADHD. He may already have a diagnosis that you have chosen not to share here on the internet. Prior hospitalizations and diagnoses will greatly help him in his quest to access services,so maybe they can work with him to get the paperwork.

    From your description, it sounds like he may not be organized enough to follow through with gathering the necessary documents to prove a disability, but maybe he would agree to let you and the caseworker help him. It does sound as if he needs help and has a legitimate set of disabilities, so I think I would consider trying to help him get services.

    Obviously, we don't have the full picture of what is going on with your son, but from what you have shared, I think I would try to get the mental health system/social services involved again to get services for him. I know you have probably already done quite a bit, so if you can get him into the system, it might take some of the burden off of you.

    He needs more help than you can give him, but maybe the system has some answers. Who knows? It couldn't hurt.

    Good luck and stay with us.

  13. UnfortunateOne

    UnfortunateOne New Member

    The shelter will not give me any information. You're right there is more going on than ADHD. His father is bipolar and my son is too. My mother & I were talking and think he may have Asbergers and even autism. Thank you for giving me direction, but not sure what I should do as I don't want to enable.
  14. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    It's not enabling if you help someone do something he cannot do on his own.

    You probably have a better idea of his abilities than we do, so you can decide what is enabling and what is helping.

    From your description, it sounds like he doesn't have the ability to get services for himself, nor take care of himself, but I could be reading it wrong.

    I was thinking that you could ask for help for your son, from the people at the shelter, not ask them for info. Ask if they have any access to mental health caseworkers that may be able to talk with your son to get him into the system. Ask what services he may be eligible for, and if they could help him with the paperwork, if he is willing.

    It is a possibility that he would be more receptive to their help than yours. Who knows? Getting our D C adults to accept help is the hardest part! There are things available, if they would follow through, but many times they are just not capable of doing so.
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  15. UnfortunateOne

    UnfortunateOne New Member

    That's true, thank you again and Merry Christmas.
  16. 4now

    4now Member

    I had to try 3 times with my bipolar son to get disability. The last time I managed to get him to go to the evaluation while he was unmedicated and manic. That time he got approved right away. You can (if he will let you) be a contact person. SS sent me a copy of everything including appointments so I could help facilitate the process. The case worker was very understanding and they also appointed a payee (not me, I declined) to manage his payments. Keep trying if he's willing.
  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Just wanted to say welcome and I'm so sorry for your situation.

    Please stay here and read and post. It will help. It will give you strength.

    There are so many of us here that are dealing with different phases of addiction and mental illness.

    It brought tears to my eyes too.

    Hugs and prayers for you and your son. Know that you are not alone in this journey.