My difficult child son was taken away in cuffs today

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Momnotlivingthedream, Jan 12, 2015.

  1. Momnotlivingthedream

    Momnotlivingthedream Had it up to here and i'm not coming down.

    I'm numb. He had every opportunity and threw it all away. It was the first time he ever said he needed help and we had an appointment scheduled for a psychiatric evaluation today at 1 o'clock. They picked him up at noon.
    The pain and heartbreak is too much. I know tomorrow is another day but today is a very sad day.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh no! I'm so sorry you missed the psychiatric appointment by one hour. Life is not fair.
    But then, difficult child made his own crummy choices. That's the way the cards fell.
    I can imagine what it feels like. I've called the police on my own difficult child. But he was too young to take away in cuffs.
    My heart breaks for you.
    I feel for you.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. Hugs for your hurting heart. Update us if you feel up to it.
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know just how you feel. I watched my son get arrested a few times.

    ((HUGS)) for you. Hang in there, you will get through this.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my, I am so sorry. I also know how it feels. That numbness is shock.

    In the next couple of days, I'm sure you'll find out more.........we're here if you want to vent.

    While your son is in jail, please make sure you take care of YOU. If you are not in counseling of some sort, it may be a good time to start. You may want to get yourself to a 12 step group, Families anonymous works well for many parents here. He has made his choices and you are being dragged around by is the time for you to take care of you......get yourself support, do very kind and nurturing things for yourself, this is so hard on us and you've been at it a long time. You are probably exhausted, depleted and empty. Rest, nourish yourself and fill yourself up with very good self care.

    Hang in there, this is the worst time..........time will pass and it will get better. I am so sorry.
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  6. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Mom,

    Believe it or not, your head will clear in a few days. I have been where you are. The missed appointments, the arrests. Right not everything seems so dark and hopeless and so incredibly sad.

    Of course, the sadness stays, but you will see light and find ways to cope. There will be help for your son if he chooses to take it.

    Please stay with this forum. It will be a great blessing for you.
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  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, MNLTD. The timing really sucks. Do post and let us know how this develops. We understand and we care.
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    There are some things a mother should never see.

    I am sorry.

  9. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Wow, that is a really hard situation for you to go through. Take heart in the fact that upon intake, because most of our jails have become default mental health facilities, your son will be getting at minimum a going through of his mental health issues.
    It is you I feel for, what a horrible thing to have to go through. Stay strong!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If it helps, I had to see my daughter taken away in handcuffs too...I'm sure it's not a shock to us.
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry.
  12. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry I really hope that you can get him in for testing when he is released or while he is in custody.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) I am so very sorry.
  14. Momnotlivingthedream

    Momnotlivingthedream Had it up to here and i'm not coming down.

    So he has called for money and to tell us visiting hours. He will be in for 60 days as a parole violation. Has anyone here just stopped communicating- no visits, no money, block the calls? I'm curious to know how that worked out if so.
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I went to the jail the first time my daughter was there. It was a horrible experience, they treated the visitors like criminals. Plus seeing her there twisted my heart in so many ways, I just couldn't do it. So, visiting has ceased to be an option. I have done both, put money on her books and not, depending entirely on how she had been treating me. I will not put any money anywhere if I am not treated with respect and appreciated. And, if I did, I put very little, not what she wanted so she could buy a calling card and chat with her friends. I have not blocked the calls, but since caller ID lets you know who it is, I choose when I am prepared to talk to her. There were times I just couldn't deal with it. So, for me, I made no blanket rules but went along entirely on what I WANTED in the moment. That worked for me.
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  16. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    The first couple of times our difficult child was in jail we would put money on his account so he could have extras and we would visit. He would also call collect. I think it was third or fourth time he was locked up that I told him the only way I would communicate with him was via old fashioned letters. The collect phone calls are very expensive and I was paying for him to call and berate me telling me how it was all my fault he was in jail, I'd hang up, he'd call back, I'd accept the charges, he'd apologize. As for putting money on his account, he would tell me "I'm going to starve to death, they don't feed us enough" the guilt worked the first couple of times then I told him you must like jail because you keep doing things to go back, so no I will no longer put money on your account.

    For me and husband in the end, communication via letters was the only way we were able to maintain peace.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good one!
    "I told him you must like jail because you keep doing things to go back, so no I will no longer put money on your account."
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  18. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    My heart is with you........ so sorry to hear. Our difficult child just did similar. We opted not to visit in jail. Not sure that's what we'd always choose, but it's what felt right then. He has since been released and we've had no contact (his choice, not ours). We'll wait...

    Shoot, it's such a difficult road, isn't it? My heart really is with you. I hope it brings at least a little comfort to know you're not alone. Sending you a virtual hug...
  19. Momnotlivingthedream

    Momnotlivingthedream Had it up to here and i'm not coming down.

    Thanks. It is hard. Everyday I think about how sad it is when family is all I ever prioritized. I found a therapist so hopefully that will help because I am getting depressed over it all.
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  20. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It IS very hard mnltd, many of us find ourselves dealing with depression over it. It is very good that you found a therapist, that will help you to deal with the pain of it. It can help to share your feelings of hopelessness and despair here too, we've all been there and we know how it feels, you're not alone. That sense of being heard and known is important and helps us to heal and move ahead. We're here if you need us.