toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Sigh.... I am so disgusted, mad and upset! So we were near by yesterday so we brought my son his ID and some cigarettes (but not the phone). He greeted us with a nice hug and we had a few moments to talk. The bottom line is he has no intention of staying in the program and never did. He said he has always known and said to friends that he was not going to stay where they put him once he is out of jail!! He claims he has resources!!! So his plan is to go back to CA (we live on the east coast). It is just ridiculous really.
When he got out of jail we had him endorse a check from the IRS. Now we have been cleaning up a whole issue of identity theft for him which is the only reason he got the check....but we were going to deposit it and save the moneh for him for a later date. He wanted to know if we had cashed the check? Yes. Wanted us to give him the money otherwise we legally have cashed his check blah blah blah. I lookked at him and said fine take us to court!!! I feel no guilt whatsoever about that!! There is no way I am giving him any money!!!!
And truthfully if he left and then tried to take us to court he would be arrested on the warrants that would then be out on him!!! So of course when he left he would not hug us goodbye!! I am totally disgusted. And of course a part of me feels like I look stupid to the drug court for belieiving and trying to help him. They worked hard to get him out of jail and into a program. He has no other options and if he leaves there will be another warrant out on him..... and unless he makes it out of state soon he will end up back in jail. And there he will stay and may be what I am hoping for!!
So my husband and I are going to write him a note with a list of questions for him to think about..... we know we cant tell him what to do or lecture him, but we hope we can appeal to him to think this thru and not just act impulsively. So if you have any good questions let me know. I have the feeling it wont make any difference but it is worth a try.
And I am trying to get myself ready to steel myself to really detach and not help him at all. I am thinking maybe it is time to not give him the phone at all..... and just let it be. I dont know quite how I will manage again not knowing where he is or how he is but I think I am going to have to be prepared for that.
TL
When he got out of jail we had him endorse a check from the IRS. Now we have been cleaning up a whole issue of identity theft for him which is the only reason he got the check....but we were going to deposit it and save the moneh for him for a later date. He wanted to know if we had cashed the check? Yes. Wanted us to give him the money otherwise we legally have cashed his check blah blah blah. I lookked at him and said fine take us to court!!! I feel no guilt whatsoever about that!! There is no way I am giving him any money!!!!
And truthfully if he left and then tried to take us to court he would be arrested on the warrants that would then be out on him!!! So of course when he left he would not hug us goodbye!! I am totally disgusted. And of course a part of me feels like I look stupid to the drug court for belieiving and trying to help him. They worked hard to get him out of jail and into a program. He has no other options and if he leaves there will be another warrant out on him..... and unless he makes it out of state soon he will end up back in jail. And there he will stay and may be what I am hoping for!!
So my husband and I are going to write him a note with a list of questions for him to think about..... we know we cant tell him what to do or lecture him, but we hope we can appeal to him to think this thru and not just act impulsively. So if you have any good questions let me know. I have the feeling it wont make any difference but it is worth a try.
And I am trying to get myself ready to steel myself to really detach and not help him at all. I am thinking maybe it is time to not give him the phone at all..... and just let it be. I dont know quite how I will manage again not knowing where he is or how he is but I think I am going to have to be prepared for that.
TL