KrisfromNJ
New Member
I am glad I found this site and read some stories and finally can feel that I am not alone. I hope I am making the right decisions, they feel right but are very hard as my heart breaks almost daily.
Some background, ever since my son was growing up there was something "off" about him and his behavior. Both his father and I work to support our household but my son has never had to want for much and we are very loving. He was constantly being kicked out of his aftercare and after school programs we placed him in. I always felt it was his way of getting back or to control the situation somehow because they would call work and I or my husband would have to leave and pick him up. He lies about anything and everything.
As he became older, He began to steal money, cell phones and pretty much anything he could that wasn't locked down. We hung in there and when he was confronted for stealing those things (because no one else was there to do it) he would deny it and say terrible things and run away. It got so bad that we had locks on the doors and key locks on the exit doors to try and prevent him from running away. The local police knew him by name and we no longer had to file missing person reports. He never shows remorse or takes responsibility for what he has done.
We got him help, but no matter how much therapy, medication or anything else he took he never improved. He was initially diagnosed with ODD and I fear he might be a social path. He eventually ended up in residential treatment centers from the age of 12-17 when we couldn't take it much longer, and two weeks before his 18th birthday he ran away from them. Every time he would run away from home he would check himself into the hospital saying he would hurt himself once his fun was over or when he became hungry and my husband would have to pick him up after driving all over town looking for him. I feel real bad but about the tenth time we stopped looking and just waited to be called by the hospital.
The first thing he did when he ran away from his residential treatment center (several towns away) was to come home, break in and steal all my jewelry I collected for almost 20 years, my laptop and never touched my husbands things. I didn't understand why. I was usually the one who would catch him stealing and thing and figured he harbors anger for me. Well now that he is over 18 and is legally an adult he found some of his friends ( he always hangs out with just bad news type of people) they helped him yet again so he never hit "rock bottom". I was hoping him hitting rock bottom he would change.
Well it didn't change him. I got strange calls for inmate collect calls one day, between my husband and I we figured out he was in jail. Now against my better judgement, I went to talk with him and he said all the right things, he was going to change and wanted help. Well when he was released I told him he was not going to stay with me, he stole from me and I do not want him at the house. I set him up with food stamps, welfare appointment for housing. All he had to do was go and he chose not to. Now he blames me and is calling for money and I feel bad.
I am trying to stick to my guns, he asks for money constantly. I gave him clothes, a gift card instead of money and ID so he could apply for a job but he lost them all. I even gave him a job at my place of work and he stole from it and got fired in three weeks. I feel lost and bad about detaching myself but feel that I need to not have any contact with him until he does something for himself.
Am I being to harsh? I feel so bad not doing more but also think if I keep doing it he will never do anything for himself. He told me that he prefers living in the streets instead of shelters and he has opportunity to get into halfway houses and independent living and won't.
Sorry this was so long. Any advice? I am sure some might have dealt with this situation before.
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
Some background, ever since my son was growing up there was something "off" about him and his behavior. Both his father and I work to support our household but my son has never had to want for much and we are very loving. He was constantly being kicked out of his aftercare and after school programs we placed him in. I always felt it was his way of getting back or to control the situation somehow because they would call work and I or my husband would have to leave and pick him up. He lies about anything and everything.
As he became older, He began to steal money, cell phones and pretty much anything he could that wasn't locked down. We hung in there and when he was confronted for stealing those things (because no one else was there to do it) he would deny it and say terrible things and run away. It got so bad that we had locks on the doors and key locks on the exit doors to try and prevent him from running away. The local police knew him by name and we no longer had to file missing person reports. He never shows remorse or takes responsibility for what he has done.
We got him help, but no matter how much therapy, medication or anything else he took he never improved. He was initially diagnosed with ODD and I fear he might be a social path. He eventually ended up in residential treatment centers from the age of 12-17 when we couldn't take it much longer, and two weeks before his 18th birthday he ran away from them. Every time he would run away from home he would check himself into the hospital saying he would hurt himself once his fun was over or when he became hungry and my husband would have to pick him up after driving all over town looking for him. I feel real bad but about the tenth time we stopped looking and just waited to be called by the hospital.
The first thing he did when he ran away from his residential treatment center (several towns away) was to come home, break in and steal all my jewelry I collected for almost 20 years, my laptop and never touched my husbands things. I didn't understand why. I was usually the one who would catch him stealing and thing and figured he harbors anger for me. Well now that he is over 18 and is legally an adult he found some of his friends ( he always hangs out with just bad news type of people) they helped him yet again so he never hit "rock bottom". I was hoping him hitting rock bottom he would change.
Well it didn't change him. I got strange calls for inmate collect calls one day, between my husband and I we figured out he was in jail. Now against my better judgement, I went to talk with him and he said all the right things, he was going to change and wanted help. Well when he was released I told him he was not going to stay with me, he stole from me and I do not want him at the house. I set him up with food stamps, welfare appointment for housing. All he had to do was go and he chose not to. Now he blames me and is calling for money and I feel bad.
I am trying to stick to my guns, he asks for money constantly. I gave him clothes, a gift card instead of money and ID so he could apply for a job but he lost them all. I even gave him a job at my place of work and he stole from it and got fired in three weeks. I feel lost and bad about detaching myself but feel that I need to not have any contact with him until he does something for himself.
Am I being to harsh? I feel so bad not doing more but also think if I keep doing it he will never do anything for himself. He told me that he prefers living in the streets instead of shelters and he has opportunity to get into halfway houses and independent living and won't.
Sorry this was so long. Any advice? I am sure some might have dealt with this situation before.
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app