- Oh great, another public forum

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jun 4, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    for difficult child to blather on and on about how I messed up her life, how my H is the devil incarnate, and how her biodad is a hero/victim.

    Ugh, just shoot me now.

    She's been hesitantly telling me about this new website she's created a profile on called,, where in people can create their own topics and/or comment on other''s pretty much an anything goes public forum, minus cursewords.

    So, difficult child created a post entitled (are you ready?) "I'm 18 and a 16 year old divorce still gets me down~"

    Out of pure curiosity last night I went there and she must have left herself signed in so it opened to her homepage and that's where I saw her post...and the posts of others who she hoodwinked into believing her bogus version of her [charmed] life..."oh you poor thing" and "I'm so sorry for what you're going through" from [not so] perfect strangers!!!! She went on and on that "yeah, maybe my dad was a cocaine snorting, pot smoking loser who preferred fishing and hunting over spending an evening with his wife and children, but my mom was wrong to just leave him. Just because at that time my mom had to go to the church for food and go on welfare, she shouldn't have left him like that. He's much more mature now and he does still smoke pot, but not as much as he did. And I feel sorry for my dad because my mom fell in love with and married his best friend!!! I know you can't control who you fall in love with but why did she have to pick him?? I hate my stepdad because he's always yelling at me and it scares me and it's always been like that. And he controls my mom, he bends her to his will and I don't like that" blah blah blah...and on and on it went.

    I felt physically ill reading through it. Not only is it completely inconsistent and untrue, but her entire perception is skewed - despite numerous discussions both in and out of the counselor's office. I give up. She's never going to get it right and it's hers to work out. I cannot believe that she will hang on to this when instead she could be out there making a life for herself. I mean, WTH?

    Some of the responses were mensa-mens and one was right on - that poster told her she should forgive and move on. If she's that miserable at home, get a job and figure out a way to move out. Hooray! Some common sense.

    My children lived a very charmed life, considering that at the time of our separation and divorce the odds were stacked against them. They've had every need and most wants met, always had healthy food for the taking, cars, sports, annual family vacations, you name it, they've had the best of it. And while my H is scary when he yells, it could be because he hardly ever does it, so when he does, it's LOUD. But too bad. And you know what else?? It's only been since difficult child turned 15 and all he// broke loose. It's only been HER and since she started pushing the envelope and lying to us. So, it's only been 3 years and it hasn't all been miserable. My H taught her how to ride a bike, went on multiple school field trips, fixed her car, helped with HW, and went to every father-daughter dance from kindergarten through 6th grade. I mean, he's BEEN THERE for her. But she chooses to forget all that, right?

    In her post, she makes me sound like Edith Bunker and him like Attila the Hun - it ain't so!!! Why does my easy child have a COMPLETELY OPPOSITE perception of our home growing up?? Why? difficult child even mentioned that in her post and wonders how her sister can "ignore everything" - ahem, there is NOTHING to ignore except the way that difficult child terrorized our home.

    I'm just so annoyed, upset, and thank God difficult child is at her dad's this week. I wish she'd stay there.
  2. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    I am so sorry....You cant change her perception....No matter how wrong it is. I think sometimes they think this way to deal with it in their way or justify their positions Know what I mean?...It's not her fault her life is the way it is just look how bad she's had it. Poor thing.....How could anyone expect more from her...look where she came from...Not that any of this applies just an example......

    Interestingly, I found a note my easy child 18dd wrote. Descriibing her life....Espec the last two years that difficult child's have been living with us. She talked about the responsibility of chauferig (sp) them around. It stunk. (thanks SUZ and sorry)
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, we have twin daughters from different mothers? This sounds way too familiar. The difficult child inability to accept any responsibility for anything, including the choice to forgive and move on, is so incredibly frustrating. And how their useless fathers are on big shiny pedestals, while the single moms and their new hubbies get the shaft...

    Anyway, I understand. Sending hugs and double chocolate brownies. We'll add vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, and whipped cream.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I can only offer hugs........but there are many of those.
    Hang on, and stay tough - and remember to take care of yourself and not feed into difficult child-dom.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I quit reading her myspace stuff. What wasn't out and out lies, was and is half-truths and strange perceptions. I finally just went with the way she behaved at home to determine how I treated her. It made life much easier.

    I do know that with my daughter some of the stories were really to get her sympathy rather than anything she truly believed. Others were to make her look good and to justify her behavior. That's her choice and not my problem.

    Odds are that sooner or later she'll slip up and some truths will come out. For now .........

  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Wow, Jo. I am so sorry.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Jo, these blogs are so self-serving they make me sick. What a bunch of baloney.

    Hold your head up high. Don't go there again.

    Shame on her.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    You know if she would spend LESS of her time feeling sorry for a man who already had a life and made his decisions she may actually have time for herself to HAVE a life.

    WTH indeed. Has your husband read it? Isn't he the one that wants to keep giving her chance after chance? Maybe he won't after reading that.

    I have 1/2 a mind to post to her and 1/2 a mind that says why? If it's not what she wants to hear that makes her out to be the HUGE victim in all of this - she's not going to listen until it happens to her. And even then don't hope for a duh moment -
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I used to ask these questions about M, as well. In all honesty, then and now, I think it is an attention-getting device. It's not about what they believe, it's about what they can get others to believe and how much sympathy they can get out of it. Some kids, and adults too, just enjoy the pity party. I never once bought into it that M believed the lies he spread. It got him what he immediately wanted. The only way I would believe that these "poor me" people believe their stories is if in fact they are suffering delusions. I know M wasn't.
  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Not much you can change right now. She's a TEEN. My experience (albiet small) is they don't really realize real life until they ARE in real life as an adult. That may happen at 20...or 40. They'll gripe and moan about the smallest of things.

    My two step-children (I hate to use that term as I have been with them as young as 4 years old) are finally coming around to see that I actually CARE for them in more than a physical means of providing a place to live. I'm sure there have been MANY times that I was considered the step-mom from hades.

    easy child has recently calling me mom, which has more meaning to me than you can imagine.

    J has started to recognize that the things we do as parents are to make you a self-sufficient better person. (slow process)

    I know that I loathed my father for years. It wasn't until I grew up a bit and had my own kids that I kind of understood where he was coming from.

    Just my 2 cents.

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Abbey, of course everything you said is correct. I know when I grew up and had kids, half of the memories from my dysfuntional family went out the window! I had a way better understanding of what my mother meant when she said certain things to us and all that she and did and sacrificed for us. In particular when easy child was 14 and became very surly - I called my mom crying because it brought back memories from when I was that age and the mean things I said to my mom. Paybacks, and all that! lol

    I think that the bottom line is that my difficult child will not realize any of these things until she's been out and on her own for a while.
  12. chrisdog01

    chrisdog01 New Member

    I think they skew the stories to make them look like the victim just for attention. But after a long enough time they start to believe the lies themselves. Sorry your difficult child is thinking this way and hopefully when she really grows up she'll realize that she was wrong. Lots of hugs!
  13. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    My difficult child is 19 and she still makes me out to be evil to other people. I'm so used to it I just brush it off. She created quite a mess the other day though when one of her friends called me asking questions and my response was Ummmm What are you talking about? She got caught in her lil web of lies. Lets just say she did not have a very good day with all of her self inflicted drama.