Hi Kathy, thanks for asking. I'm doing OK I guess. I finished painting easy child's old bedroom. Two rooms in five days, not bad for this old lady. They both look nice and I'm glad I did them.
I deactivated my facebook acount because I couldn't stand seeing difficult child's photos and comments. I don't want to watch her self destruct anymore.
husband told easy child he will send her and I to Las Vegas in July to a kindergarten conference so I am excited and it's something to look forward to. It's at the Venetian and husband and I stayed there two years ago for a conference he went to and it's very nice. I am trying to come to terms with not having difficult child in my life. In some ways I feel free to finally be able to do some of the things with easy child that I never got to do because of difficult child. I am trying to think of easy child as an only child now, they really never had a relationship at all and never will and I have a lot of guilt for what she went through with difficult child. So now I'm thinking about how this is the way it would have been if difficult child was never here, I would have been able to focus all my attention on easy child and husband and I would have been happy, so I just have to erase the twenty years that came in between.
I'm trying to let go of that kite string. I know Sig, maybe it's not possible for mothers to do that, but I'm trying to give it as much slack as I possibly can. I don't really want the kite back, I just want to know it will be OK. I am most afraid of her getting arrested, I am not even as afraid of her dying. I know that sounds strange but that's not my biggest fear. My biggest fear is that she will ruin her life so badly that I will have to worry the rest of my life about her, instead of having closure.
Strange thoughts running around in my head. I am not depressed, more of an anxious feeling. I'm not sleeping well but hoping that changes soon. I have my parents meeting Tueday and I'm not sure I want to go. All of the parents are wonderful but their difficult child's are all in recovery. I also resent the fact that she is the addict and I am the one going to meetings. In my head I know that it's for me, not her, but it's almost like I am in addiction overload. Why should I go listen to people talk about their kids in recovery when mine is spiraling out of control. I want to get away from addiction talk and drugs and alochol and everything else related. I want a normal life for a change.
So that's what's going on.
Nancy