I think many parents here believe Al Anon to be very helpful for them. It seems to provide a great deal of support for those whose kids or family members have issues with addiction or substance abuse. Since I am not personally dealing with substance abuse, I've gotten support from CoDa, which is Codependents Anonymous. Anywhere where you feel comfortable and safe and supportive is a good place to be. Each group is different so if you opt for NA and don't feel good about it, try another group.
Trying to figure out how to help your son without enabling him is tough for all of us. We don't know what to do, we go back and forth, we try to figure it out, control it, fix it, and eventually we land someplace that feels right. It's a process. When you're dealing with a teenager who is using any kind of a drug, you are going to be dealing with issues that aren't faced by parents whose kids are typical. As parents we have to begin the process of letting go, and that can be hard on us, especially if our kids are not making positive choices. Get all the help you can, no matter where it comes from. That is the best advice I can offer you and it's what helped me to get through this maze of uncertainty and chaos.
If your son has any emotional or mental issues, you might also look into N.A.M.I, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have chapters all over the U.S. and their support for parents is exemplary. I found terrific support with them. You can access them online.
Hang in there. There will be others who'll check in later who are more versed in substance abuse to respond to your posts. You're not alone.
I have been going to Al Anon and I really think it helps a lot. I actually look forward to Wednesday nights every week, knowing it's my meeting night. I found a parents group and it's so helpful realizing that I'm not alone in what I'm going through. I think my other son is also going to try an Ala Teen program because he is really having a rough time dealing with his brother's issues and what it is doing to the family. I'm hoping it will help him, too.
From what I've heard NA is a little more hard core. I like Al Anon and the people there are parents of alcoholics and addicts of all kinds. I would recommend giving them a try.
I was very naive about drug use as I didn't even drink. All anon helped me learn about addicts and how to let go with love. Also helped me have the strength to make daughter leave. The camaraderie for me was better than the actual steps.