Blueknight
New Member
Hi all,
I just joined the forums after reading some of the helpful, prior forum posts. I've come to some road blocks for my son and would appreciate any info to maybe help-
My son is turning 11 this year. He has lived with his mother entire life. His mother and I were involved in a 'one night stand' and never had a relationship beyond that. She now lives in California and I live in Colorado. Earlier this year, the mother has been going through a divorce and I know is having a difficult time. My son has several issues - ODD, ADD, anxiety, some depression, anger issues, etc. He is currently on ritalin for breakfast and abilify & zoloft at dinner. The mother has some issues of her own, I don't know if they are being treated or not.
Since the divorce began, and the other parent moved out of the home, I get crisis calls from the mother that my son is out of control, destroying property in the home, won't listen, and she is at wits end. When they first moved to California (Riverside area), he was placed in the regular school program. After sexual references during class, fights, and general failure to listen he was moved to a day program at a residential treatment facility. His IEP team has not recommended residential treatment as of yet. I have made calls to his day treatment counselor/therapist but have not received a return phone call (to check on his progress).
Literally over the course of the last 11 years, I have had very minimal contact with my son. He often will stay with relatives and myself when on visits. Of course, our lives change over time and now I am married with a young son and a newborn daughter. My wife and I are concerned with their safety and do not feel that it is a viable option to try and bring my 11 y/o in the home (not to mention the responsibility would basically be placed on my wife, since I am away at work most of the time.)
I have done some research online and did see info about Voluntary foster placement in California. With both his mother and myself included, we can not come close to residential treatment placement on our own ($). I like the idea of my son getting the help he needs, his mother getting the help she needs, and a great transition for him to return home. The voluntary placement appears to be a much better idea than residential treatment but I do not know if this is as easy as it sounds. I just worry a lot because the last phone call I got, mother was disciplining 11 y/o and he threatened to cut her throat in her sleep. They are both constantly going to therapy and between that and the medications it doesn't seem like anything is working.
I apologize if this post jumps around a lot - I am really just wanting to find ideas on how to handle the situation. To avoid some flaming, I know that I am the father, he is 50% my responsibility, and without going into a huge explanation just know that there are other reasons why I don't feel that I can give him the care he needs. On top of all that, I live in a rural area that does not have near the options of the area he is currently residing in. I'm very worried that his mother will just figure that she can't handle it, send him out here, and I have no idea what I would do past that point! I want to help as much as I can at this point so that everything ends up well.
Thanks in advance,
J
I just joined the forums after reading some of the helpful, prior forum posts. I've come to some road blocks for my son and would appreciate any info to maybe help-
My son is turning 11 this year. He has lived with his mother entire life. His mother and I were involved in a 'one night stand' and never had a relationship beyond that. She now lives in California and I live in Colorado. Earlier this year, the mother has been going through a divorce and I know is having a difficult time. My son has several issues - ODD, ADD, anxiety, some depression, anger issues, etc. He is currently on ritalin for breakfast and abilify & zoloft at dinner. The mother has some issues of her own, I don't know if they are being treated or not.
Since the divorce began, and the other parent moved out of the home, I get crisis calls from the mother that my son is out of control, destroying property in the home, won't listen, and she is at wits end. When they first moved to California (Riverside area), he was placed in the regular school program. After sexual references during class, fights, and general failure to listen he was moved to a day program at a residential treatment facility. His IEP team has not recommended residential treatment as of yet. I have made calls to his day treatment counselor/therapist but have not received a return phone call (to check on his progress).
Literally over the course of the last 11 years, I have had very minimal contact with my son. He often will stay with relatives and myself when on visits. Of course, our lives change over time and now I am married with a young son and a newborn daughter. My wife and I are concerned with their safety and do not feel that it is a viable option to try and bring my 11 y/o in the home (not to mention the responsibility would basically be placed on my wife, since I am away at work most of the time.)
I have done some research online and did see info about Voluntary foster placement in California. With both his mother and myself included, we can not come close to residential treatment placement on our own ($). I like the idea of my son getting the help he needs, his mother getting the help she needs, and a great transition for him to return home. The voluntary placement appears to be a much better idea than residential treatment but I do not know if this is as easy as it sounds. I just worry a lot because the last phone call I got, mother was disciplining 11 y/o and he threatened to cut her throat in her sleep. They are both constantly going to therapy and between that and the medications it doesn't seem like anything is working.
I apologize if this post jumps around a lot - I am really just wanting to find ideas on how to handle the situation. To avoid some flaming, I know that I am the father, he is 50% my responsibility, and without going into a huge explanation just know that there are other reasons why I don't feel that I can give him the care he needs. On top of all that, I live in a rural area that does not have near the options of the area he is currently residing in. I'm very worried that his mother will just figure that she can't handle it, send him out here, and I have no idea what I would do past that point! I want to help as much as I can at this point so that everything ends up well.
Thanks in advance,
J