My older son difficult child 1 was 14 when he finally got the Asperger's diagnosis. It is spelled with a P not a B, which could help you find more accurate info online.
difficult child 1 is turning out okay. He is married (27 now) and although he has no formal qualifications other than high school graduation, he is a hard worker and an honest man. He is loving, compassionate, a deep thinker and has a strong sense of morality. Vey loyal. These are all the qualities inherent in Asperger's.
Asperger's is complex and the individual with it can have a wide range of capability. There is also a wide spread between different Aspies in terms of their prognosis. difficult child 1's best friend is also Aspie, but more withdrawn and dysfunctional. However, he has attached himself to difficult child 1 a lot and followed his example. I got them both into a TAFE course (that's our college) and got them both through it. Together they helped one another; individually they would have failed.
They are still complex people and this is often misunderstood. If you can imagine what is is like to be born with this, grow up not knowing any other way to think or to be, but also realising more and more that you are different and that you have to try so very, very hard just to not fail - then there are the joys in their life, the things that they love, that make them happy. For difficult child 3, it is bubbles. And computer games. For difficult child 1 lately, it is fighting with a broadsword in medieval recreations. Or watching Star Wars. So they can swing from deep depression to euphoria WITH GOOD REASONS THAT MAKE SENSE TO THEM. And that is where bipolar can get added to their diagnosis inappropriately.
I'm not saying it's not possible to also have bipolar, but the problem is, it is a label applied by a "normal" person, to someone who they may be misunderstanding. I know I have had doctors tell me I was suffering from depression - I had been struggling to get a diagnosis for my kids, at the same time my specialist was trying to get me into hospital for some testing and physical rehab work in the hydrotherapy pool. The hospital bed kept getting postponed, week after week. The day we saw the pediatrician with the kids - we walked out of there in shock, husband & I. We had with us difficult child 1, just diagnosed with Asperger's. difficult child 3, just diagnosed with autism. Both had also been diagnosed with ADHD - we already knew about this in difficult child 1. And our girl, easy child 2/difficult child 2 - she had a diagnosis of Asperger's traits, plus ADD inattentive type. You can only imagine how we felt. And before we had turned the corner on the way back to the car, the hospital rang. They had a bed for me, I had to go in immediately. So husband & I were separated just when we needed to debrief. He had to instantly become the stay at home parent (he had warned his boss that he would need to take compassionate leave at some unknown time in the future to cover my hospital stay) and I had to be the Warrior Mum from a distance, using the phone by my hospital bed to organise more testing, more therapy, more tutoring.
I was seen that afternoon at the hospital after my arrival, but a psychiatry resident. He had a standard form which he filled in as he asked me questions about how I felt. How did I feel? Distraught, but numb. Lost. Confused. Angry - why me? I was still in shock from the recent events, when the shrink gave his verdict - dysthymia. he recommended medication. In vain did I explain that today was a bad day because of circumstances, that I would come out of my box fighting by the next day.
Now when I look back, I understand why I was labelled as I was - it was how I seemed on assessment. Classic case. But the guy should have considered the extraordinary circumstances.
It is natural to get depressed, even grief-stricken, from time to time. But at the moment you feel this deep sadness, your symptoms will be indistinguishable from someone who suffers form clinical depression. Your brain wave patterns will be identical. This is known, it has been measured and researched. But still doctors rush throuh a diagnosis and lump together those who have no reason for their mood swings, with those who do.
Severe mood swings with no reason - time to consider bipolar. But mood swings when there IS a reason? NORMAL!
We have a load of information for you, but rather than swamping you, it is better to answer your questions as they arise.
For your son's behaviour problems - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It will give you a different perspective on your son and make it easier for you both to work as a team. It really is brilliant - the doctor giving you a max of three things to come back with, fits in beautifully. But read the book, it will help you choose which three things.
Other reading to perhaps help you get into your son's head - a fictional book, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon. It is written form the point of view of a 15 yo with Asperger's. He is a fairly severe case. It is fiction, the author does not have Asperger's himself. I have another book I just acquired by the same author - very different. Save this one for when you are ready to pick up a fiction book again. it will also plug into your emotions at the moment, although the book has its humour as well as the pathos. And a happy ending.
So - ask away. A lot of us here have been there done that.
Marg