C
claireisma
Guest
I'm divorced from a very negative alcoholic abusive man. On Christmas my two boys, 13 and 17 fled his house at 1:00 AM after he went into a rage, and told me to file for full custody. My daughter did this a year ago. My kids are good kids who have been through a lot as their dad is bitter and makes life as hard as he can, disobeying court orders and fighting me at every turn on everything. He wants the kids so he doesn't have to pay support - proven when he completely cut off all communication with my oldest, who will be 18 soon. Still, my youngest son, 13, really wants a dad and so his memory is short and his heart forgiving. Pulling on his heart strings is the fact that his dad's entire family (including grandma) completely cut off my kids when they held their ground with their dad. So if they love me and stand up to their dad, they lose the entire family. And for cherry topping, his dad's wife is pregnant and he's going to have a baby brother.
We live in an affluent area, even though we are no longer affluent. As such, some of the kids around here have two parent homes where they have supervision and do quite well. Others have parents who throw money at them. And drugs are plentiful and not expensive and even free if a kid can't afford them.
My precious boy, young BAP, has been exposed to marijuana at his dad's house as both his dad and his wife smoke. I'm not sure when he first tried it but I think it was over a year ago. Since he's been with me full time I've caught him a number of times with a good amount of weed. I've also caught him smoking it. He's been in a fight club where 50 or so kids roam a neighborhood and fight or watch fights and he's experimented with sex. He had me watch a documentary on why weed should be legalized and I explained that he needs to follow the money and see who the heck published the film - because it probably goes back to someone who makes money on weed. I've also taken him to a counselor who has explained in pretty good detail, the negative affects of weed.
This boy has become some other persons child. He is cruel and mean to his less popular but straight arrow older brother. He has been outright nasty when I have attempted to restrict his activities. All of his old wholesom friends have slowly fallen away, replaced by kids who "hang out" and smoke dope. I woke up one day and realized I don't have any of his friends parents home telephone numbers. I got a few of them and he deleted them from my cell phone.
Most recently when I caught him I'd simply had enough. I grounded him and as he kept mouthing off I got up to May 28 before he finally shut his mouth. I told him that if his grades improved he could buy weeks off of the back end. In this way I can reinforce positive behavior by giving in and letting him go out with the kids he used to hang out with.
He has really been putting a number on me as he's been trying to get me to let him go out with his friends and he's even left -going off on his bike after I go to sleep or going from school and not even calling his brother when I'm at work. He has become defiant to the point that his angry outlashes at me are nearly violent, screaming obscenities in my face and threatening me when I hold my ground. And he pulls the "dad" card saying he hates me and he'll go to dad's and then stopping and saying his dad's a mean drunk and he can't go there.
Well last Wednesday, after screaming in my face and tearing apart his bedroom door, he went to his dads. I learned recently that he told people at school that I beat the **** out of him. His dad is all too happy as I am fighting him for custody and minor's counsel has been overseeing BAP. His dad told me that he spoke with BAP about his marijuana use and he is "confident that he has it under control." He let him go out with his hoodlum friends. His dad is getting ready to move to his wife's house a few hours away and I think he thinks he's going to take my won with him. His dad is doing a number on him, employing some alienation techniques that he pulled a couple of years ago where I was on business for three weeks and came back to children who hated my guts they were so filled with lies about me. And this boy of mine, lured by the promise of complete freedom (his dad really doesn't care what he does as long as he's not in the way) has now completely shut off not only me, but his brother and sister and his 25 year old mentor/tutor whom he adores. He refuses contact and told me that he will probably never come back.
Minor's counsel said that she is sending him to private counseling and that she wants to give BAP time to "calm down". I'm insisting the boy be drug tested even as I know that this will be used by his father to villify me. A custody decision is supposed to come down in early May - trial on May 18. I'm afraid that, even if I get the child back I won't be able to keep him if he doesn't want to come. I'm equally afraid that if I let him go, his dad will be fine for a while and then his wife will have the baby and she won't want my druggie kid around and they'll send him back with even more problems then he had before. And, I love this child and want to tough love him and get him the help he needs now to spare him what is in his future if he keeps going down this path. And in all of this, my heart is totally broken as I feel like a part of me has been stripped away at my son's rejection.
Claireisma
We live in an affluent area, even though we are no longer affluent. As such, some of the kids around here have two parent homes where they have supervision and do quite well. Others have parents who throw money at them. And drugs are plentiful and not expensive and even free if a kid can't afford them.
My precious boy, young BAP, has been exposed to marijuana at his dad's house as both his dad and his wife smoke. I'm not sure when he first tried it but I think it was over a year ago. Since he's been with me full time I've caught him a number of times with a good amount of weed. I've also caught him smoking it. He's been in a fight club where 50 or so kids roam a neighborhood and fight or watch fights and he's experimented with sex. He had me watch a documentary on why weed should be legalized and I explained that he needs to follow the money and see who the heck published the film - because it probably goes back to someone who makes money on weed. I've also taken him to a counselor who has explained in pretty good detail, the negative affects of weed.
This boy has become some other persons child. He is cruel and mean to his less popular but straight arrow older brother. He has been outright nasty when I have attempted to restrict his activities. All of his old wholesom friends have slowly fallen away, replaced by kids who "hang out" and smoke dope. I woke up one day and realized I don't have any of his friends parents home telephone numbers. I got a few of them and he deleted them from my cell phone.
Most recently when I caught him I'd simply had enough. I grounded him and as he kept mouthing off I got up to May 28 before he finally shut his mouth. I told him that if his grades improved he could buy weeks off of the back end. In this way I can reinforce positive behavior by giving in and letting him go out with the kids he used to hang out with.
He has really been putting a number on me as he's been trying to get me to let him go out with his friends and he's even left -going off on his bike after I go to sleep or going from school and not even calling his brother when I'm at work. He has become defiant to the point that his angry outlashes at me are nearly violent, screaming obscenities in my face and threatening me when I hold my ground. And he pulls the "dad" card saying he hates me and he'll go to dad's and then stopping and saying his dad's a mean drunk and he can't go there.
Well last Wednesday, after screaming in my face and tearing apart his bedroom door, he went to his dads. I learned recently that he told people at school that I beat the **** out of him. His dad is all too happy as I am fighting him for custody and minor's counsel has been overseeing BAP. His dad told me that he spoke with BAP about his marijuana use and he is "confident that he has it under control." He let him go out with his hoodlum friends. His dad is getting ready to move to his wife's house a few hours away and I think he thinks he's going to take my won with him. His dad is doing a number on him, employing some alienation techniques that he pulled a couple of years ago where I was on business for three weeks and came back to children who hated my guts they were so filled with lies about me. And this boy of mine, lured by the promise of complete freedom (his dad really doesn't care what he does as long as he's not in the way) has now completely shut off not only me, but his brother and sister and his 25 year old mentor/tutor whom he adores. He refuses contact and told me that he will probably never come back.
Minor's counsel said that she is sending him to private counseling and that she wants to give BAP time to "calm down". I'm insisting the boy be drug tested even as I know that this will be used by his father to villify me. A custody decision is supposed to come down in early May - trial on May 18. I'm afraid that, even if I get the child back I won't be able to keep him if he doesn't want to come. I'm equally afraid that if I let him go, his dad will be fine for a while and then his wife will have the baby and she won't want my druggie kid around and they'll send him back with even more problems then he had before. And, I love this child and want to tough love him and get him the help he needs now to spare him what is in his future if he keeps going down this path. And in all of this, my heart is totally broken as I feel like a part of me has been stripped away at my son's rejection.
Claireisma