New - posting about my gs

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by janna57, Apr 26, 2010.

  1. janna57

    janna57 Guest

    I guess that I did things a little backwards, here. I posted under another thread that I found similar. Anyways, I copy and pasted from the previous thread that I posted under. I guess that I did what they call "hijacking". Sorry for that.

    Hi. This is my first post, and this sounds like my 3 yo gs. He is totally different with my daughter and I. He listens to his with no problem. He is an angel at daycare and even shy. My daughter lives with me, and she has 50/50 custody of my gs. The parents alternate custody every other week. Although, my daughter is planning on filing for primary custody, soon. We both agree that he needs more stability.

    He can be so sweet and loving and the most adorable child. But, can turn quickly into an evil twin. He will throw things when he is frustrated. He has hit me and his mom. He tries to be bossy. Actually, he kinda does rule this household. I am very concerned about him. My daughter did take him for an evaluation. They did offer a wrap around, who would be with him most of the day. However, he is an angel at daycare. He has no problem listening to others. I realize that is normal kid behavior, as my kids did that, too. However, it is the rage in him that scares me. I am scared that this will escalate if she does not try to nip this in the bud. She seems to be procrastinating on this now. She gets upset when I talk to her about it.

    Distraction is about the best method that we can use with him. By diverting his attention to something else when he is ready to escalate. However, we can not always distract him so easy.

    Sometimes the thought of autism spectrum disorder enters my mind. He is obssessed with cars, and always acts like he is fixing the tires. He loves to take the wheels off the cars. But, he is affectionate, so that conflicts with the autism theory.

    He has a lot of chaos in his early life. His parents fought constantly in front of him. His father was actually violent towards his mother. Also, his dad sorta kidnapped him at the age of 22 months, when there was no legal agreement. My daughter had full physical custody of him until the custody was decided by the judge when they both fought over custody of him. His father had him for three weeks. During that time, he had no contact with his mom. (long story, but the father kept him from my daughter)

    Fortunately, they are no longer in a relationship, together. They broke up several months ago.

    So, his dad has anger issues.(with women) My daughter is in recovery for drug addiction. However, she was in active opiate addiction during her pregnancy. She was prescribed methadone towards the end of her pregnancy.(when she finally admitted to drug abuse, her ob dr. agreed this was the best plan)

    I believe there is cause for concern. I believe that my daughter's main fear of pursuing this further is that she may be to blame for his behavior. She believes that she may have caused brain damage by abusing opiates while she was pregnant. I keep telling her that whatever it is, we need to address it. Well, I say "we" because she is a single mom, and I have been there helping to raise my grandson since he was born. And, trust me, he is a handful. And, I love him, adore him, and he is about the most important priority in my life.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I did post in answer to you on the other thread.

    But in summary - all of us as parents feel we're being 'got at' by doctors form time to time. Your daughter does have cause for concern to a certain extent, in terms of what other people will say in judgement. But as far as I understand it, I don't think opiate addiction is likely to cause long-term Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-type damage. Babies can be born addicted and have to go through withdrawal, but that isn't brain damage.

    However, his life experiences, especially witnessing fights between his parents plus the custody issues, could have done a lot of damage emotionally.

    Your daughter needs to make a choice - worrying about what people will think of her, should NOT but barriers in the way of her son getting help. Besides - whatever has been done, has been done. Now it's time to try to get help for whatever the problem is.

    And as I said - I don't think the methadone is connected.

    Try to get your daughter to lurk here or post here. We are a friendly lot and will focus on what to do now. She won't be the only one with her experiences on this board!

  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Janna, welcome to our forum. I do think there is cause for concern here--behaviors that your're seeing, genetics, and drug exposure in utero. I know it's one thing to recognize it and another to get someone else to see it and follow through. It's important for her to understand that this isn't about her anymore--it's about giving her little guy the best that she can from this point forward. I'll also tell you flat out that no matter how well we took care of ourselves and parented our children, we're often on the receiving end of some stuff from specialists that we don't want to hear. Again, it's not about us, it's about our kids-setting aside our own issues and finding out how to make the best life we can for them. If you think she'd be willing to visit our forum we'd be glad to talk with her. I can delete this thread if you think she'd be willing to visit here.

    You'll want to be sure and read the threads at the top of this forum for ideas. Plus I have some book recommendations for you.

    What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley

    The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

    What's his speech like? Outside of the noncompliance/explosiveness and car obsession , are you seeing any other unusual behaviors?
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I know my son's birthmother used crack cocaine and he had delays and is on the autism spectrum. I took him to a specialist for drug exposed kids. Thank goodness he doesn't show signs of alcohol effects (ya know if she did crack she didn't say no to alchol). However, the professionals did tell me there is a much higher rate of autistic spectrum disorders, learning disabilities and anger issues with kids who were exposed to drugs in utero. I also think it could be a combo of both and that he needs some interventions. It is unlikely you'll figure out everything at his young age, but it's good that you're alert and are trying.
  5. janna57

    janna57 Guest

    She has seen some of the postings. In fact, one of them described my gs to the "t." In fact, my daughter thought that I wrote it. The one where the child acts up only at home. This describes my gs, and people would think we were nuts for having him evaluated. He does appear to be a normal pre-schooler. However, they do not see how he is at home.

    My daughter was talking to other mothers at his daycare. They have children that sound similar to my gs, as far as being really a different kid at home. Most kids are better behaved in public and for others. My own children were like that, and their behavior was not out of the ordinary. However, I see it very different with my gs. The fact that he throws objects and hits concerns me.

    I will strongly encourage my daughter to visit here, again. I don't think there is any need to delete what I have posted. I believe that the root of my gs behavior comes from the emotional chaos in his life. That is my belief, but I am not a psychologist.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Neither do I - I gather you are open in your discussions with her and I certainly haven't seen anything said about your daughter that could offend someone like she seems to be - a young woman desperately trying to get help for her son.

    There are others here who have had similar issues in the past with drug use, so she is not alone. It is where she is now that matters, not where she has been. Although her advice based on her experience will always be of value, as it is with all of us.