BKS
New Member
Hi all,
I am greatly relieved to find this group. Today my husband and I basically kicked our 19 year old (only child) son of the house for what we hope is for good. He has "left" about three times since early summer but we are now actively pushing him in this direction. We have realized that his misery has extended to us and we REFUSE to allow him to live here extending his misery to our lives any longer. He barely graduated from high school (because of his laziness), does not have a job, has twice registered for and dropped community college courses, drinks and does drugs, is disrespectful and abusive, and has broken every rule of a written contract we put together with him a year ago. We know he has:
He tells us WE are the source of his problems. This is our only child who is a product of 12 years of private school. We tried to interest him in multiple activities including sports, music (3 different instruments), and scouting. He was diagnosed early with ADHD, has been professionally evaluated twice, and had private tutors in both junior high and high school. We paid extra in high school for him to attend a special 1 hour class devoted to students organization and learning skills. He made honor roll his junior year when he buckled down and was serious. The rest of the time he barely got by. We have been active in our church and he has been to multiple church camps, as well as school camps, and IT camps when he showed an early interest in computers. I have worked to have his friends over as often as possible because he was an only child and he was always popular, social, and well-liked.
This past summer he was careening out of control and the police took him to the mental unit of our area hospital who agreed to release him with the understanding that he go into rehab and see a psychiatrist. He dropped out of outpatient treatment today, saying he didn't have any substance abuse problems and drank/did drugs only because we made him miserable.
Right now, we don't know who he is and I can read by your posts that many share the same experiences with the common questions being "what did we do wrong" - knowing in retrospect we are not perfect and did our best.
If other have any experience with children trying to boomerang home and how to handle this - I would welcome your experiences. The last several times we took him back but we now know that he won't live by our rules and we cannot live together. Plus he is incredibly argumentative and claims we are abusive and awful parents. We changed our locks, changed the pass code to the alarm system, and encouraged him to take as much of his things as he could.
Best,
BKS
I am greatly relieved to find this group. Today my husband and I basically kicked our 19 year old (only child) son of the house for what we hope is for good. He has "left" about three times since early summer but we are now actively pushing him in this direction. We have realized that his misery has extended to us and we REFUSE to allow him to live here extending his misery to our lives any longer. He barely graduated from high school (because of his laziness), does not have a job, has twice registered for and dropped community college courses, drinks and does drugs, is disrespectful and abusive, and has broken every rule of a written contract we put together with him a year ago. We know he has:
- stolen from us (cash from both of our wallets and any change laying around the house)
- drank all of the alcohol we had in the house (neither of us drink and wasn't aware it was disappearing)
- purposely broke two locks on storage cabinets where we locked liquor after realizing his problem
- stolen prescription medications from us
- broken into our house when we locked him out (during the day when we were at work)
- broken into my laptop to read mail between our family therapist and my husband and I (nothing groundbreaking to read)
- packed up my jewelry that I keep stowed away and was carrying around with him in his backpack including antique rings from my husband's family
- had taken bank statements from two accounts and had those tucked away with his belongings as well.
He tells us WE are the source of his problems. This is our only child who is a product of 12 years of private school. We tried to interest him in multiple activities including sports, music (3 different instruments), and scouting. He was diagnosed early with ADHD, has been professionally evaluated twice, and had private tutors in both junior high and high school. We paid extra in high school for him to attend a special 1 hour class devoted to students organization and learning skills. He made honor roll his junior year when he buckled down and was serious. The rest of the time he barely got by. We have been active in our church and he has been to multiple church camps, as well as school camps, and IT camps when he showed an early interest in computers. I have worked to have his friends over as often as possible because he was an only child and he was always popular, social, and well-liked.
This past summer he was careening out of control and the police took him to the mental unit of our area hospital who agreed to release him with the understanding that he go into rehab and see a psychiatrist. He dropped out of outpatient treatment today, saying he didn't have any substance abuse problems and drank/did drugs only because we made him miserable.
Right now, we don't know who he is and I can read by your posts that many share the same experiences with the common questions being "what did we do wrong" - knowing in retrospect we are not perfect and did our best.
If other have any experience with children trying to boomerang home and how to handle this - I would welcome your experiences. The last several times we took him back but we now know that he won't live by our rules and we cannot live together. Plus he is incredibly argumentative and claims we are abusive and awful parents. We changed our locks, changed the pass code to the alarm system, and encouraged him to take as much of his things as he could.
Best,
BKS