No whine. No cry. Just a weird share!

[DDD]

My life is not what I envisioned or even similar to anyone else's life that is a year and a few months short of 70, for goodness sake. I have survived with some semblance of sanity by "rolling with the blows" and adapting to the various situations. You all are the only ones who actually hear about the strange pattern of my life...it's not like "normals" would understand at all. I don't understand it myself!

I'm at work this morning and rethinking last night. Thought I'd share what I was doing from 12:30 to 3:30 this morning. easy child/difficult child proudly went for five days with no booze but "felt the need" last night. He had me drop him off at his favorite watering hole about 9:30. At 12:30 he called and said "Time to pick me up, Mama." The bars don't close until 2 so I was a bit surprised. Thirty or forty of his friends were heading out to a party and he didn't want to be around the drugs. Wow.

Well he was not "gone" but he was buzzed enough he needed company
at home. I drove thru a fast food place and got him a supersized meal
and soft drink hoping that would help him sleep. I checked to make sure he had enough cigarettes so he wouldn't wake me up to drive him to the store. I had our bedroom door closed so the dog wouldn't become an issue. I turned off the ringer on the phone so nobody would call.

Check. Check. Check. He took his medication and we said goodnight by
1:00. Yeah, Mama.

At 1:30 he comes in my room and says "you've got to come to my room for just five minutes" "I promise you can come back to your room in five
minutes if you want to, Mama."

I get to his room, sit in the chair and he gives me a BIG smile. Then, he
starts a CD that has been "lost" for years. He burned it for me as a birthday present for my 65th birthday. I LOVE it! I just couldn't help myself. I was out of my chair and dancing before the first lyric started.
easy child/difficult child and I laughed and danced and sang and watched sports until around three. We had a ball.

husband and the dog soundly slept. My "son" said "Mama, I love you more than anything in the world..plus..you're more D'd fun than anybody I know." I left his room and hit the hay at 3:30. Sometimes my life is just too darn weird. Sometimes easy child/difficult child touches my heart and I remember why I've always loved the brat! DDD

 

[lovemysons]

Awww...that is SO sweet, DDD.

I can just see the two of you up dancing and singing in the middle of the night.
I know he loves you dearly...and rightly so.

You're a good mamma.

Hugs and love,
Tammy

 

[susiestar]

What an AMAZING gift you just gave each other. You are both wonderful and special people with so much love for each other.

 

[compassion]

DDD, Thanks so much for sharing this. I have had and so does husband weekly /daily similar type moments. Your openness, your love, your acceptance, your reaslitc expecations are so-ooo inspriing!!!!
There is that child,that teen that wants so much love in there. It is easy to get caught up in those expctations/dissapintment/sadness/greif when they do use,etc. but yes, loving daily is essential. For us, when she plays with the puppies, goes to the dog park, goes out to eat with us, there is that child that needs so much love and consistent care. This week she even asked me to hang out with her Continuing to have love and compassion, ((()))) Compassion

 

[Nomad]

That was so very touching.

Our lives here are nothing like what we envisioned, almost exclusively due to difficult child business. Now that we've gotten a "tad" older, it is starting to "hit" me a little harder. I realize, that I can't bounce back like I once did...and husband can't hide how he feels as well as he once did. So...I find myself in "whine" mode sometimes...but push to find joy in life.

So good to hear of you dancing at all hours...a moment with your easy child/difficult child that was different than many of our contemporaries might have...but a good moment!

We too see that special little someone in our difficult child.

Not only are you a great mother...but you've been a great mother figure to us all and are much appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[DDD]

Thank you all. In the entire world you are the only ones that can actually appreciate the rollercoaster ride.....and the occasionally uplifting side rides that come in between the fears, tears and anxious times. I'm sure I will recall the other night (er...morning) many times in the future. How lovely that you guys could smile with me. DDD

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

DDD, it was so good of you to share that with us. I could really connect with it. Over the years I have wondered if I have "enabled" my difficult child too much with cigarettes and other things, but it helps to smooth over things and keep things ticking over with as little disturbance as possible. I too am older than most on the board (I'm 64) and it is a way of preserving our strength.

And yet, your going to his room and cooperating like that, and getting a wonderful experience out of it, is just beautiful. I also occasionally have lovely moments with my difficult child.

Love, Esther

 

[rejectedmom]

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I treasure the good times with my difficult children also. It makes the hard times just a bit easier. Thanks for teaching us all so very much over the years. -RM

 

[KFld]

I don't think any of us who have come here in the past, or are active on this board now, feel their life is anything like what they pictured it would be when their children were younger. That is why moments like you had just mean so much more then anyone outside of our worlds could ever imagine.

Can you imagine telling a friend with "normal children" that you were up dancing with your kid in the middle of the night after driving him back and forth to the bar!!

That is the reason I still find myself checking in once in awhile because I still find comfort here whenever I need it.

 

[DDD]

Thanks for understanding. It's SO important that moments can be shared freely within our family. It's therapeutic for all of us, I think. Hugs. DDD