Ok now I am stewing and worrying

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    My difficult child is trying to figure out what to do and called me.....I am trying to stay supportive and let him drive this bus! I have to do this. He has been in many treatment programs since he was 14. He knows the drill. He did an assessment for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). What he really wants is to get on with living....he said as a teen he didn't really want to work but one thing he has really gotten in the last. 6 months is liking to work...and it's true this has been huge for him. So he wants to get into a sober living situation and look for a job and get back to work.

    But if he goes into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) etc. it will be awhile before he can get the privilege to get internet and look for sober living. And he won't be able to work either. The thought of sitting around all day doing groups he has done many times before is making him anxious and nuts.

    I know it sounds like avoidance and excuses on his part but I really get what he is saying....because he has done it so many times before....that in some ways I think it is really triggering for him. I think he may be right and knows what he needs....the problem is how to get it?

    I can look up info for him but I can't solve this for him, I can't make the calls for him....and I am not willing to put him up in a hotel until he figures it out. I suggested he talk to the staff at the detox and hopefully get their help in figuring it out. I just hope they will really listen to him and help him figure out the right plan for him and not just a standard cookie cutter solution.

    So once again I am on tender hooks waiting to see what happens next.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that you are once again being invited to once again be sucked into D C world. "Son this your life. I believe you can figure out what you need to do. I am going to step back and allow you to be in charge of your life."
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  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's hard when we know the supports out there are not necessarily perfect - and our kids know that too. Often there is no right answer, just the option to choose between less desirable answers.

    We can't fix the world, any more than we can fix our kids. But it shouldn't be this hard to be a parent!

    Sending hugs. And my prescription for the best possible anti-worry medication: high-quality chocolate, taken PRN.
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Toughlovin'

    I feel for you and recognize too there is not one thing you can do that you did not do. This is his to solve. I think your son may feel that he has been there and done that after all of the time he has already done in RTCs. He may have more program under his belt than the staff there. He may believe that now that he is detoxed, working might be a better thing to do while going to AA. That is valid. Most people do quit drinking one day because they decide, without programs of any sort.

    They become worth stopping. Somebody or something else is worth it. You cannot know, nobody can, what will work because the proof of the pudding is in the eating. For everybody. Every time.

    I hope the program staff is wise and secure enough to know that and do not try to undermine your son fueled by their own ignorance and insecurity. But that too we do not control. Your son will decide.

    I know how hard this has been TL and from this observer's vantage point, nobody could have done better.
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2015
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Insane ....I did try the chocolate cure....and thanks for the laugh.

    Copa you are so right, I am really hoping they will listen and talk with him and find the best plan with him. Meanwhile I just need to keep calm, say the serenity prayer and do for musket..
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Little update....sounds like the place wants him to go straight to a sober living place which makes sense....and that they re supporting him to find what he wants. He asked me to get him mme and numbers of places in the area which I did, saying I knew nothing about them...so he is planning on calling places tomorrow. He sounds like he is on a roll and acting proactively which is good. So I am feeling less worried, or rather more comfortable leaving it to him to figure out.
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  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Yippee! Just talked to him and he has a good plan. Found a good solid sober house run by the person who owns the detox and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)...she requires that he so the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) first. He is hoping to do less than 30 days but Willis he has to. He sounds good, is thinking things through Nd is clearly in a different place about recovery than he has ever been before. It will cost us a bit until he gets a job but this is worth it. Our relationship is in a totally different place and I can imagine now having a good relationship in the future....now don't worry i also know this is for today and he has a lot of work ahead of him. But for today I am very relieved.
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  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TL... he's going in a right direction. There still might be some backwards steps - but he's probably to the stage of "two steps forward and one back" rather than the other way around, and that is a HUGE improvement.

    The change in attitude says SO much.
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  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Agreed - it makes a HUGE difference when THEY want sobriety...this is good!!
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Yes I really feel he is in a different place than ever before... first of all he is calling to keep us updated and seems to want our input. He doesnt seem to be fighting the process so hard, and is aware that he needs to deal with some issues. I totally know that he might lose his motivation... and I am sure he will be tempted to use and may relapse but it does feel like a huge step forward and even if he slips... it is still forward from where he was.
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Every time I see a new post with the title of this thread, I have a visceral fear reaction. And each time I am so relieved he is doing so well.

    At first I thought about mentioning the possibility of a new thread, and then I realized I should see this as a tool for recovery.

    To learn to not be so reactive to scary triggers, involving a worried mother about her son...I guess when I hear the call I answer automatically.

    Thank you for the opportunity to see it.

    How glad for you I am the way your son has taken the reins of his life and changed direction with responsibility and deliberation. With love and respect for his parents. How great is that?

    Nothing is perfect and nothing is permanent. But isn't it great for right now?
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