OMG...difficult child is throwing his huge break away!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    difficult child-A had court on Monday for him MIP. He waived his rights to trial and took an excellent plea-bargain. $850 fine (out of $5,000)... converted to community service (60 days to complete it) and if he stays out of trouble for 2 years NO record! This is great!

    And difficult child-A was so glad everything worked out as we left the court house and so "never want to go back there"..... And now, he's not doing the community service.

    husband called him today since he wasn't returning any of my text messages. difficult child-A is telling husband that he can't do his service during the week because he's got school (he dropped out a few weeks back). He told husband he's doing it on Saturday (the court house and community services are closed during the weekend).

    He's going to do the same thing he did with the community service for the deferment of his driving ticket. He's going to let the time go without doing any of the work.

    But since he waived his right to trial, if he doesn't do his community service things are going to hit the fan. And if he thinks I'm going to cough up $850 at the last minute, the boy is out of his mind! He should know that I won't rescue him. And husband told him today that if he ends up in jail, he's on his own.

    Why, when difficult child-A dove head-first into the horse pile and came up all roses and horse-shoes does he have to throw it all away???? UHG!

    Guess he wants me to keep up on my detachment skills.
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Stay strong!

  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ARGH.. I know how frustrating this must be. I never, never understand the choices our kids make. You're doing great on detachment.. keep it up.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    We walked that road with Juvie community service hours and it drove me crazy too. Our local system is not forgiving (minor understatement, lol) so I nagged and nagged and nagged until the hours were done. Detachment was not my forte!

    Like you we would not pay off his debt to society but it was more stressful on us than it was on him. I understand where you're coming from. I don't understand the kids!
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well I can honestly say that I have told Dude - "I am rolling pennies to put gas in my tank.." and all of a sudden? I am not useful at all. - WOW. How times and attitudes change. My new fav. saying -YAWNYAOWN

  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    We are coming to accept that difficult child-A doesn't need any enemies.... he has that covered all on his own. And when they throw him in jail because he won't do what he needs to do, we'll send him clean socks and underwear and say "wow, I'm really sorry you are going through all of this, but it's not not my problem."....

    And I will keep reminding myself that detachment doesn't mean I'm being mean. It means I love my kid enough to let life teach him the lessons that I couldn't.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs.
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Very well said. Still, it hoovers.
    I'm so sorry that your difficult child is being his own worst enemy. Sometimes it's so hard for them to get out of their own way.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, he has 60 days, maybe he will wake up soon.

    Its so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch them shoot themselves in the foot time and time again. I know. I think I have that show on DVD.
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yep difficult child's don't usually understand what a good deal is. That is because they don't see that what they are doing is wrong instead in their mind society and we parents are pursecuting them. You are doing great though maintain the detachment and eventually difficult child will learn that what the court orders is nothing to sneeze at. Hopefully he will before he has lost years and a small fortune to the justice system. -RM