So my son has been gone a year this month. It hasn't been an easy year for him (or us) as you can see by my signature. He has been fairly steady the past several months. Working and taking one class and getting an A so far. We have been paying 60% of his rent and he has been paying the rest and for his food and gas. Things were moving along fine. Husband always more optimistic than me. I have not SEEN yet what I have wanted to SEE. When we see him while we are at our condo about 2.5 hours from where he lives, it is nice but I know that he is still the same as he was when was living at home but he is now being forced to tow some of the load. Husband felt he was so much better. Yes he was doing more for himself than he ever had. I am very anxious before every visit. This weekend that all changed for us. We had a few FaceTimes with him. His eyes looked funny to me. He said he "just woke up". Husband didn't see it. Then he was vaping and coughing. What?? In front of me. Not the little cigarette thing but some other thing. I got upset and cut the call short. I had a feeling in my gut. I am always right. Why do I always have to be right. I texted him about not liking that, he's on a slippery slope etc. etc. He apologized, says he's good, loves me. Yesterday husband found son had helped himself to some $270 from their shared account that my husband has a password on. It was not a good password obviously. He trusted our son. Also charges on our Visa that he had no business using. That is part of the $270. I told my husband that I would back up what he wants to do. I confronted son on phone and he said he'd pay us back. We know benzos are involved. He never did stuff like this unless they were in the picture. They turn him into a liar and a thief. He denied (shocking right). I blocked him again. Husband texted son that he is taking the money he owes us out of his monthly rent. That is how my husband wants to handle it. He knows our son will suffer and be embarrassed that he does not have the rent money. He will have to deal with it. He could have more severe consequences but this is what my husband wants to do. We are both devastated by this. I am going to talk to my therapist about this on Monday. I am letting my husband deal with him once again. I am going to stand way back and establish firmer boundaries for myself. We are not letting him do the planned end of April visit. I told him I do not want to see him. He looks so forward to these. When he does reach out to me by email (as he has done in the past) I'm going to tell him I cannot have any relationship with him until he admits he has a problem and takes steps toward working on it. Our journey is far from over and I'm so tired.