Parenting Explosive Aspies

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nvts, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Any hints? Suggestions? Ideas?

    I've done the Ross Greene thing, but this little bugger is figuring out every tactic that I come up with! It also doesn't help that husband and I have different views on parenting. In his defense, he always listens when I speak with him about things said/done/implied, but this child can literally crawl up under your skin and drive you mad!

    I have to admit, I'm tired of trying to outsmart a smarta$$!

    Tantrums, sharing, outbursts, backtalk, hypersensitive emotionally, constant chip on his shoulder, cursing (hee-hee - not as much!!!), anxiety, impatient with his sibs., etc. Everything is a fight!

    Any input would be GREATLY appreciated! Just feeling beat-down lately!

  2. ML

    ML Guest

    My son is AS though not officially diagnosed. He has all of the things you mentioned in your post. I don't know what the answer is. To outsiders, I looked like the worst parent in the world. My step kids couldn't believe that I didn't juts beat the (fill in the blank) out of him. But when I used the authoritarian approach it escalated and got worse.

    This is going to sound silly but I was able distract him by saying "I can see this has gotten you really upset, can I make you a cup of tea"? It became a good way to transition out of the meltdown.

    Now that we are on the Celexa, these have mellowed quite a bit but theys till occur, just a bit less frequent and less intense.

    Thinking of you today.

  3. SaraT

    SaraT New Member


    I know just how you feel. difficult child, now 12, was a nightmare to parent at 8. Two hour tantrums, fighting at school, every word I said to her caused an argument. Adderall(SP) gave her joint pain,(stopped immediately), and made her undx'd mood disorder worse.

    Not much advise. I barely survived it. :rofl:

    The good news is that is does get better.(At least my difficult child is now).

    Hang in there.

  4. Calista

    Calista New Member

    I know exactly what you mean. It seems to be impossible to parent a high strung Aspie because they are smarter than we are and always 9 steps ahead. I wish I had the answers, I'd be a millionaire. Especially now that we are entering PUBERTY :surprise:

    One of the things that worked for us when our Aspie was your Aspie's age was a token economy. A VERY EASY to apply token economy with only a few target behaviors like: Arguing, Eating, Ready On Time, and Chore. We broke it down into different sections of the day: Before School, After School, Before Bedtime and Bedtime. If he had a perfect day at school he earned a bonus token, otherwise school took care of school. We only rewarded, we did not take away what was already earned. He was then able to buy computer time, video game time, or a sweet snack after school. We used this successfully for about a year with some tweeking every now and then. He was in complete control and I didn't have to yell at him for anything. Now, 3 years later, he is always ready on time, gets off the games when asked (most of the time), rarely argues with us, etc... I'm sure some of the improvement is maturity but I KNOW that token economy worked and some of what he learned from that is still "in there" somewhere.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I truly don't know if there is an answer on how to stop it as much as diminish it as much as possible and reteach, redirect and reason.
    Things that worked at 8 don't work now. At that age, it was distraction, trying to help him work it out and give him alternatives to what ever was causing the meltdown.
    An Aspie isn't the enemy who should be beaten. He is a child with a disorder who manifest symptoms that look like a bratty child. Of course, there is normal brattiness over that. Try to focus on what he needs from you to help him work out whatever it is that's a problem.
    Tell him ahead of time what to expect. Help him not get overwhelmed.
    If we were going someplace that might make him anxious, we role played and spoke of what would happen and what he should do to act appropriate.
    If it were a new school. We went in the day before and toured, found the bathroom, cafeteria, nurse's office, principal. If possible met the teacher so his anxiety would be lessened.

    I think I just survived. I kept asking myself "what does he need" and not just the topic of his meltdown. "what's fueling this meltdown?", "what can I do differently to help avoid another situation that caused a meltdown". It really was my mantra for years.
    He still had a lot of explosions and still does but they are relatively harmless. I ask often "how would you feel if I did, talked or exploded as you do?" "what would you do if you were the parent and I acted as you do?"
    I'm hoping that I am teaching him tools of seeing who he is and understanding he must adapt to have the independent life he says he wants.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Beth, you have gotten some good suggestions. I don't have an Aspie, but I do have a son who was on Concerta for 1.5 years. Over time it seemed to increase his irritability, fuel his emotional reactivity and ramp up his anxiety. You might want to look at the medication piece in addition to behavioral solutions. Good luck.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he in any interventions specifically for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? That helped my son the most. THerapy did squat. medications nada. Fran did a GREAT job of explaining how to help an Aspie. These aren't bad kids or mood-disordered kids--they are wired differently and see the world in a unique way. Sometimes medications help, often they don't. 50% of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are on medication. My son isn't--stimulants just made him mean and aggressive, and that's not like him. We have to explain things before he does anything new too and it is hard with transitions. Did you read any Tony Attwood books? My particular son almost never has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) explosions, but he used to...boy, did he used to!!!