Please Help?? 6 YO Daughter Possible ODD, Borderline (BPD), or ADHD??

[Izzys Ma]

Liahona - Thanks for your reply. Yeah, my life with my daughter seems to be a rollercoaster with her at only 6 years old. Since coming to the relization and accepting that there is more than likely something not right with her I have begun to notice little things that set her off. I have become more aware of the need to analyze both her facial expressions (or lack there of) and tone of voice. This has helped in reducing the explosions but there is a lot of effort needed.

I have noticed that not giving into her desire to fight and remaining calm or even happy has somewhat gotten through to her...no violence this week. I still do feel as if I am walking around on eggshells though.

As for the star chart, I bought one about a year ago and it did nothing...she did not care about it. She re-created one for herself this past Monday (one of her really good days this week...she seemed extraordinarily happy compared to her usual self...and this was after having a horrible weekend filled with tantrums and violence) and it seemed to be working until this morning when she said she didn't care about it and removed all the stars that she had earned during the week. Hoping we can put some back up and treat her this weekend so she can see what she could earn.

I also have noticed a pattern with her...she can be relatively nice for a few days and then just snap and go into having tantrums and being violent for a few days. Would you say that your difficult child 1 had this capability as well? I really just wish I could figure out what was going on in her head sometimes.

 

[BusynMember]

Most of our difficult child's tend to "cycle" in behavior. They may have a few good days or even weeks, giving us joy and hope only to relapse. It's like living on a roller coaster. Some do this more than others. Part of being a difficult child is unpredictable behavior and often we have no clue what triggers the negative stuff. in my opinion it often just comes from inside of them...body chemistry stuff. I have a serious mood disorder and before I was put on medication (and I'm not saying that your child needs medications), I had no control of my moods. They were in control of ME. In spite of utilizing therapy to the max, I would still get sudden moodswings that were out of my hands. This could (or maybe is not) what is going on with your kiddo.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Even when we do see patterns and so on, much of what our difficult children deal with is related to "body chemistry".

Even "run of the mill" disorders like depression have a strong "body chemistry" component.
Sometimes, therapy helps in ways that enable the body to adjust its own chemistry. An example of this is learning how to manage panic attacks by controlled thought processes, which stops the body from dumping the fight-or-flight chemicals and hormones into our system.
Sometimes, medications help by correcting the body chemistry or countering the effects of it.
Some people need both.
And sometimes... nothing seems to work. In which case, we keep trying anyway, because new research and new medications come out all the time, and maybe, just maybe, the "next thing" will have some answers.

 

[Izzys Ma]

Thank you for your responses InsaneCdn and Midwest Mom. They were helpful. Izzy does cycle and I am not sure what throws her off...she does not know either but does seem to recognize that she is happier when she is having a good day(s). I don't believe she has any control over these cycles and she doesnt know why she has them. She has her first appointment with a counselor in 2 weeks.

I met with the counselor and she does believe that Izzy has some sort of neurological disorder accompanied with ODD and a possible sensory disorder of some sort. From what I understand she is going to arrange for a neuropsychologist test.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for Izzy as I would love to see her have more good days...

Thanks!

 

[Liahona]

Write down every night what you notice. It'll help you to get it out and it'll help who ever is trying to diagnosis. I found writing it down was a release for me. I didn't have to remember it. The biggest problem my husband has is he doesn't forget. It is very hard for him to switch gears as fast as difficult child 1 does. One min difficult child 1 was happy the next he was throwing things. difficult child 1 would have those mood swings several times a day; on bad days several times an hour. Bipolar adults tend to have mood swings a few times a year. My X it goes with the seasons. Children have much shorter cycles. This is called ultra-rapid-cycling or rapid cycling. And its not just emotions that swing; energy swings too. When it gets bad is when the energy is high but the emotions are low. This is called a mixed state. Then the rages that would last for hours would come. He actually shook apart a metal bunk bed that was his time out spot. I remember only one time when his energy and emotions were low at the same time. The book the Bipolar Child has a great chart to use to keep track of emotional state, energy level, sleep, and medications. If yours is having a cycle every few days that you can chart I'm impressed. The cycles tend to get longer as they get older. When she is happy is it a weird to much happy? or is she a normal happy?

Something I'm very glad I did was to keep the school informed of what was going on at home. Then when everything blew up at school (2nd grade) they knew before hand that he had some special needs and weren't punitive.

With difficult child 1 any charts have to have almost immediate consequences. If I were you I'd just use the star chart for positives. I don't think the chart will help her control her behavior. I think it will help her accept positives from you. If you want to have a reward make it contingent on time instead of her behavior. Look the timer went off and you have 10 stars (which you gave to her for things like having tied shoes, bright pretty eyes, a smile that looks like husband's, ect...) lets go get a treat. What you are fighting here is the self-esteem issues that lots of difficult children have. difficult child 1 knows right from wrong, but he couldn't stop himself. Its easy to see how he could think of himself as a bad kid. When she removed the chart this morning was it right after she had been "bad"? There are times difficult child 1 doesn't feel like he can get the reward so why try.

I'm glad you have decided to remain calm or happy even when she is going haywire. That must be a comfort to her to have you emotionally stable when she is out of control. I hope the no violence continues. I'm sorry about the eggshells. Sometimes you just don't know what is going to set a child off. Especially before you get a diagnosis.

Sorry to write so much.