My 34 yr old son has been in many hospitals in the last several weeks
I am sorry this is happening, shiela. The story about his being barefoot and sleeping in the bushes for warmth was very hard to read.
Your heart must be breaking.
He did well for awhile, got a good job, apartment near my many family members.
Some families of origin (like mine) are so very dysfunctional that they become invested in the failure of one anothers children instead of in their success.
That too is a very hard thing to face.
He got very depressed and suicidal because his babies mom, whom he loves, found someone else.
This is the stated reason for his depression, I think shiela. In reality, he may be depressed more because he is not the man you raised him to be than because a woman he did not love enough to marry took her child and left him to his own resources.
Our sons (and daughters) do need to hear true things about themselves, if they are going to stand up to their addictions.
This is all so hard to face.
He did well for awhile, got a good job, apartment near my many family members. They never called him or answered his calls.
My 45 yr old niece said she would go to the hospital, but my sister told her not to
None of us wants to take on an addicted relative. It is too hurtful to watch someone we love self-destruct. When the time came for him to be discharged, that relative would feel responsible for taking him in or supporting him in other ways.
We all must be strong enough to erect and maintain boundaries when someone we love is addicted.
Their addictions will destroy everything they touch.
Your son will have to do this on his own. You cannot do it for him. You cannot love him out of this, or he would already be glowing with health.
You too need to protect yourself from his addiction.
If you could help him by helping him, he would already be the man you raised him to be.
Your son is in a terrible trap, and he will need to be very, very strong to get out.
I am so pissed that my sister wouldn't see him.
Sometimes, we direct our anger over our kids onto other situations in our lives. Could this be happening to you, shiela?
I spiral into darkness and anger and strike out too, when I am grieving over my kids. I believe there is no force on Earth stronger than motherlove. And there is nothing, I think there is nothing, that compares to the grief a mother lives when her child is self-destructing.
It is crazy-making, to hurt like that.
Seeing your son at this point in his life would mean taking responsibility for someone actively practicing his addiction. It hurts to have family members look down on our children. But just as we cannot help or change or even, talk sense into, our addicted children ~ just as we cannot change one smallest thing for them no matter how much we love them ~ no family member can change the self-destructive course of addiction, either.
Only the addicted person can do that.
And that is a very hard thing, and the hardness of it breaks a mother's heart.
Your son needs to stand up.
He needs to stop hurting you.
They are alcoholics, thought they would understand.
Maybe that is why they do understand. An addiction is an addiction. No one can change or help or even comfort someone actively practicing an addiction.
Not even a mom; not an aunt or a grandma or a dad.
Your son is in the best possible place he could be. He needs to beat that addiction. Once he does that, he will change his life.
Until he does that shiela, no one can help him.
I wish I could wrap you in my arms and keep you safe and warm and comfort you in this time, shiela.
These are such hard truths to acknowledge.
There is research out there which indicates that there is a genetic component to addiction, whether to alcohol or medications or street drugs.
In that sense, your son is not altogether responsible for his addiction. But he is responsible for pursuing it.
He is the one ~ the only one, shiela ~ who can change this.
I am the more sensitive sister, get hurt more. At 61, can i get a backbone? I just want peace and my son to live.
There is no real peace for the parent of an addicted child, shiela. What we can do though is learn techniques to survive the traumatic things that happen to our addicted children as their addictions take them over.
Your son is safe, for now.
Pray for his recovery.
They say a mother's prayers are a powerful thing.